tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4393982340551028282024-02-19T09:53:31.570-06:00Chick DissectionsDissections and parody/parodies of Jack T. Chick.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-37363757205546021752007-12-12T22:11:00.001-06:002007-12-15T18:03:27.482-06:00God PatrolFirst off:<br />sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry. I don't even know why I'd neglected this blog for so long; mostly computer drama, school, stuff of that nature.<br /><br />'Neway, this tract is about those evil negroes your grandparents warned you about. Also, gang violence, and how police departments in Chickville go only with the Lawd. This reminds me of Dog the Bounty Hunter (something most people would rather be burned alive than be reminded of; ugh) and his "go with Christ" thing. Here goes, and I promise I'll try to start updating this more regularly.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCDU0AH1aYJEapkWIcvBcIEEvCV-CXk2089nxLCNQPtEg_sqOXsyOn279jPw4Ge0u1wVj12zzV5usmJklifYseqy3TzEHCFbsWmGnW8Ev6iIktBXEIU79IxliDEc_gDoYD4iAhhaOItyo/s1600-h/1017_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCDU0AH1aYJEapkWIcvBcIEEvCV-CXk2089nxLCNQPtEg_sqOXsyOn279jPw4Ge0u1wVj12zzV5usmJklifYseqy3TzEHCFbsWmGnW8Ev6iIktBXEIU79IxliDEc_gDoYD4iAhhaOItyo/s400/1017_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143307069955363522" border="0" /></a>♪ STOP! In the name of looooove, before you break my heart..... ♪<br /><br />Okay, spoiler: this tract is about a latex glove full of mashed potatoes and twigs that fights pirates in glowing boxes. Naw, that's too imaginative for something like a Chick tract. But it is very, very cool that the hand has a muscley little arm coming off it that looks eager to knife fight.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIus_F8ldQ9yWEHKrBpoYUWWRD7M8EyqzhdtKaV_yJNBZXycm6QlBRSKZsfbSb0F06HnzdgQDdjhaGVJ6_nRi3UvVHhqI0o9qhOwpOydCQKcnNi5g7kNNVnjnZ4YOK2ByBSCpFvQnvQ54/s1600-h/1017_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIus_F8ldQ9yWEHKrBpoYUWWRD7M8EyqzhdtKaV_yJNBZXycm6QlBRSKZsfbSb0F06HnzdgQDdjhaGVJ6_nRi3UvVHhqI0o9qhOwpOydCQKcnNi5g7kNNVnjnZ4YOK2ByBSCpFvQnvQ54/s400/1017_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143307078545298146" border="0" /></a>"Hey, Carter! I found me a skeevy little meth-addict-like. Says he don't know why they call them fingers, since they don't fing."<br />God, look at that carnage! Heavy gunfire apparently leaves you looking like prim, freshly-cased sausage links. But if you're lucky, the roughly half-inch of plywood in the door will save you from semiautomatic bullets.<br /><br />"I was coming up the stairs and... WOW you're tall. Like, you're really tall, man. Like a <span style="font-style: italic;">pine tree..... </span>" *goes catatonic for three hours*<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW0Sv4qiwsj0_r2AcCblGVA5qJYusPq54_OWJC77qe2L3EKNtrKRDzedeWSEXKMsLNCKstBW4tcIOE0gh9_2g6N5W9Fi3MJULTmJcHI3cKS3aJ4FBln_fx4vn1s_mPBtLQbSHaVbkk9I0/s1600-h/1017_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW0Sv4qiwsj0_r2AcCblGVA5qJYusPq54_OWJC77qe2L3EKNtrKRDzedeWSEXKMsLNCKstBW4tcIOE0gh9_2g6N5W9Fi3MJULTmJcHI3cKS3aJ4FBln_fx4vn1s_mPBtLQbSHaVbkk9I0/s400/1017_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143307082840265458" border="0" /></a>WERE YOU HERE TO DO SOMETHING ILLEGAL I COULD ARREST YOU FOR? BE HONEST! -stern finger-<br />Yeah, most druggies will respond honestly and politely when a hydrocephalic behemoth cop that may not be real appears. Speaking of distraction, there is something very wrong with what the cop in the background is doing to that... body? Sofa cushion? ... Bible?<br /><br />"SAY AAAAAAA"<br />"AAAAAAA"<br /><br />Aww. Gravity prevails; Gargantuan Cop's arm just slid out of its socket.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jrmWlj97oPsw2X2S_bePwoSVBui50ld4vWQgDuHzmXfis5HVXnVGu2XKNZgqnv0fnSMJ-rWdDewog2qRclXnPYLv3wjcAPhx1S8M7LdS7cqHn4tC2X4bU0UC5NaS0YvBGvP82m4sQP8/s1600-h/1017_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7jrmWlj97oPsw2X2S_bePwoSVBui50ld4vWQgDuHzmXfis5HVXnVGu2XKNZgqnv0fnSMJ-rWdDewog2qRclXnPYLv3wjcAPhx1S8M7LdS7cqHn4tC2X4bU0UC5NaS0YvBGvP82m4sQP8/s400/1017_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306820847260274" border="0" /></a>.. Um, wow, that has got to be the worst segue in the history of humanity. Nay, the history of Chick tracts.<br />"These guys are in <span style="font-weight: bold;">HELL.... </span>because they didn't accept Jesus. Not the drugs or anything. They're in body bags/waterbeds now, out of sight out of mind, right?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQfbTV7aw3LMnggboLyK2WIa_MS3Fci8eVc5AX_5T2vthjlnQDQDbihW-QcR3LUcwdtk1_v_MxGU18qsGujSTMHW5v2en7XUzd3nSxZ_GBbWgj2uYiJgJDlgcTwHEvA3E8fPHfpBbe5Y/s1600-h/1017_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSQfbTV7aw3LMnggboLyK2WIa_MS3Fci8eVc5AX_5T2vthjlnQDQDbihW-QcR3LUcwdtk1_v_MxGU18qsGujSTMHW5v2en7XUzd3nSxZ_GBbWgj2uYiJgJDlgcTwHEvA3E8fPHfpBbe5Y/s400/1017_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306820847260290" border="0" /></a>"Dammin' evryone ta HAYULL" isn't really the best way to get converts, I think. And Gargantuan Cop is growing and--- wait, I just noticed this, they're in front of a <span style="font-style: italic;">one story house. </span>As in, no stairs to come up. Goddamnit Jack Chick, if you're going to go through the trouble of shitting these comics out, at least make sure they're <span style="font-style: italic;">plausable. </span>I mean, not that fundamentalism is the most rational thing in the world, but please, please stop mocking what little intelligence the people in your slice of Christianity have.<br /><br />And here we go. More Godbabble. I'll just sit this one out.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpAFQ44dmb1YVJKGuaX2tK_bOdTKVhjxKUbal-B_NNlQrZaFn_DZ9pow5X_B9sQO_k5n2E8pavCdkzj2BXqjcAUl3CKN9DRV2QDWggQCy8sif_P6R86DIMcexYl6uRZnjY4I3m6HJ7CrU/s1600-h/1017_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpAFQ44dmb1YVJKGuaX2tK_bOdTKVhjxKUbal-B_NNlQrZaFn_DZ9pow5X_B9sQO_k5n2E8pavCdkzj2BXqjcAUl3CKN9DRV2QDWggQCy8sif_P6R86DIMcexYl6uRZnjY4I3m6HJ7CrU/s400/1017_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306825142227602" border="0" /></a>DURR DURR THAG LIKE JEEZY. JEEZY SAVE THAG<br />I.... I'd have more to say on the 1980's hip-hop family in the background, but I'm too busy trying to wrap my mind around someone being <span style="font-style: italic;">smart </span>enough to take the Bible literally. That's just.. damn.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL7VzsCvvWrAAQkmPlmDKC2rRtUPOKlK7XKwR353vZnvbYV8MXHWPQb4vuDUHlZdYlKaFaxV87j4kEUP-Pq9h6uT2HNaeS5fdYNphID1ARG5kl3JJxRef9kJO6ZZsTb039vczAIPE7awM/s1600-h/1017_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL7VzsCvvWrAAQkmPlmDKC2rRtUPOKlK7XKwR353vZnvbYV8MXHWPQb4vuDUHlZdYlKaFaxV87j4kEUP-Pq9h6uT2HNaeS5fdYNphID1ARG5kl3JJxRef9kJO6ZZsTb039vczAIPE7awM/s400/1017_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306825142227618" border="0" /></a>OOoooOOOOooooH! OOK OOK! OOK OOK GRANDMA OOOK!<br />Oh hell yes he's going to laugh it off; anyone born within the past few centuries understands that<br />a) Scientifically, the literality of the Bible is impossible and<br />b) symbolism is also a potent medium for getting messages across.<br />However, I've noticed that ALL of Chick's tracts feature grandparents/old people doing all the indoctrination, presumably because it was a simpler time back then and wise old relatives provide gentle spiritual advice to a universally-misguided generation. Back in the day, blah blah, polio, segregation, McCarthyism..... I like how he pretends obsolescence is a good thing. Jeez.<br /><br />He's a "deacon" or whatever, says he goes to something called "church" to "worship" someone named "Jehooly" or "Jahoosus" or something like that.... Seriously, what country are these people in anyway? How do you live in the United States (eveyone knows the US is His chosen country, regardless of whether it existed in the time of Jesus or not) without knowing ANYTHING about Christianity?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVXD3hIoLTYrnW0kvYmfBS65t_RJZpH3Kkwcp_8KfL8syuqWhUoPI6YEwn1Xvy88yg80bb2VKZ8uNutWJYKc2zYI0Gk_02NzZSxEP7MoXaGrpvi1AUfDv0HdyIdX5FN5SwEhScgyXU0dk/s1600-h/1017_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVXD3hIoLTYrnW0kvYmfBS65t_RJZpH3Kkwcp_8KfL8syuqWhUoPI6YEwn1Xvy88yg80bb2VKZ8uNutWJYKc2zYI0Gk_02NzZSxEP7MoXaGrpvi1AUfDv0HdyIdX5FN5SwEhScgyXU0dk/s400/1017_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306825142227634" border="0" /></a>....So his grandma's either not dead yet ("... <span style="font-style: italic;">going </span>to heaven"); or admittance to heaven takes a long while ("<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">believed...</span></span>"...), which contradicts the vast screaming majority of Chick's comics in addition to contradicting itself. Usually people either get judged immediately in the nude, or they rot in the ground a little and then get scooped up by angels, or they don't realize they're dead, or only their head, shoulder and left arm get taken to heaven, or they get raptured, or ..... wow, hey, whadda ya know, Chick is really inconsistent with what happens when you die. He should read up on it in the Bible.... oh wait, that's full of inconsistencies and contradictions too.... whoops. I guess then it's okay with the Bible if Jack plays some Choose Your Own Afterlife Adventure. The worst it could do is sap away some of his credibility (I know I said some; but considering his credibility has stood at -754,543,861,858 since 1965, I don't think he's in the ballpark of rational yet).<br /><br />And does the druggie's sudden appearance change creep you out too?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhIqZyBuj_HNdhDq7vKL-hpB-Jr5pPswc_4RVV0N4OqFEIVX1cL2H8SI1ixeAWcnTKcEM9dYGvUyAVbV4HW_3zdRKLcr1BnG06MklkkAY32_Xak2Ye8RLhHsmh21UrDu3iq0S18YzRL3A/s1600-h/1017_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhIqZyBuj_HNdhDq7vKL-hpB-Jr5pPswc_4RVV0N4OqFEIVX1cL2H8SI1ixeAWcnTKcEM9dYGvUyAVbV4HW_3zdRKLcr1BnG06MklkkAY32_Xak2Ye8RLhHsmh21UrDu3iq0S18YzRL3A/s400/1017_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306661933470242" border="0" /></a>Wow, that was fast. Weren't they trying to solve a drug deal murder like three panels ago? I mean, this can't possibly be an effective way of stopping crime. "Hey, uh, you there, guy with the guns and white baggies. Your ass is going to hell." And he returns to his vehicle, smiling smugly, rewarded with the comforting thought that he had brought some peace to the inner city, and goes home.<br /><br />"I know that place..." Well, good. I'm glad. It's kind of your job to; I can't imagine how long it took them to find the address of the shootout. Half the bodies were probably in the ground when they were rounding the street.<br /><br />Welcome to Ville, home of the Ville Police Department. Don't they tell you to watch out for unmarked police cars, because they usually have psychotic rapists in them? I mean, just saying.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVNMPGdG9o7XGJMxS62WE99PtQ9iY-rKHTVxFfq5WhigM-OxcHfZFzqiRIZVrWqabVh2q4GW0j80eH8VSGEe_zPIkVwr7IKF_1t9niV52g_2V-rnVg54wExS_mT7obQ5Y4pMsM7qMNfhk/s1600-h/1017_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVNMPGdG9o7XGJMxS62WE99PtQ9iY-rKHTVxFfq5WhigM-OxcHfZFzqiRIZVrWqabVh2q4GW0j80eH8VSGEe_zPIkVwr7IKF_1t9niV52g_2V-rnVg54wExS_mT7obQ5Y4pMsM7qMNfhk/s400/1017_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306661933470258" border="0" /></a>PIGS! PIGS!<br />The same four people, repeating over and over into infinity, are crowding around an unmarked police car in the center of what seems to be Eternity. If that's not mindfucky enough, they're shouting bizarre and outdated anathemas at the car, whose windshield is calling for help.<br /><br />"There," said Jack Chick, stepping back in his underground bunker to admire his work, "this is what the outside world must be like."<br /><br />Okay, this "standing tall in the name of the Lawd" is getting absurd. It doesn't surprise me in the least that Chick and Carter baby their readers with oversimplified, painfully literal metaphors, but come on, this is an eight-foot tall cop. Maybe this is some sort of ... I don't know, attempt at anatomy? Perspective, maybe? One can muse forever. Because according to statistics I only have like 64 years left to live, I'll let you all do the musing.<br /><br />I love these generic cop names. Clancy, Carter...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn8M0ZuRCYxrjhCBd2Z2VS-YBiyyECJvC0VcjK19pO76RGabtp8TiykRvC2GpdO0Zj-ZXqB4GM-yWQPMyZK3Xb152K3N1ANczvwTcviEtvwn_dSI2f3_mQ_bMMqzRgG-9K5dAjnd7DlQo/s1600-h/1017_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn8M0ZuRCYxrjhCBd2Z2VS-YBiyyECJvC0VcjK19pO76RGabtp8TiykRvC2GpdO0Zj-ZXqB4GM-yWQPMyZK3Xb152K3N1ANczvwTcviEtvwn_dSI2f3_mQ_bMMqzRgG-9K5dAjnd7DlQo/s400/1017_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306661933470274" border="0" /></a>I've got nothing. Except, perhaps, a genuine concern for that strange lip-creature that's half-hidden with Grandma's word bubble.<br /><br />"I'm gonna make you disappear and feed you to the dogs!" Does Chick really expect inner-city gang members to actually say things like that? I'd expect more of an, I don't know, "I'll fuck your ass up" or an "Imma shank you, motherfucker"? What century is this? This does nothing to disprove my theory that Jack hasn't seen anyone that isn't white since the 1980s.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Do it, Ice Man!</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiInU4ktuUIc224Px5kVyir9J29qYvrAQVn3w6YP5tqjzAtV425PUGG97w1UCKq7At0GmqvRONGCmKo6Fw4xf-P_hhAuEVY1WKRrucarlNLqackFqge7lJ78hpj03DTQb4rJC4-WMtDJNM/s1600-h/1017_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiInU4ktuUIc224Px5kVyir9J29qYvrAQVn3w6YP5tqjzAtV425PUGG97w1UCKq7At0GmqvRONGCmKo6Fw4xf-P_hhAuEVY1WKRrucarlNLqackFqge7lJ78hpj03DTQb4rJC4-WMtDJNM/s400/1017_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306666228437586" border="0" /></a>Wise Buddha say: "<span style="font-style: italic;">Make way for Grandma!" </span>Followed by furious hobbling.<br /><br />-Rattle rattle- -rattle rattle rattle- "Junior, why on earth is your head shaking so violently like that?" -comical hands-on-hips stance-<br /><br />Judging by the people around her, I'd say she's about... what, 3'7?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr8ntfv6qEb2QnTtoHU7kp7c15vdiFj02GQ5e8srhN8ZS_J_JezTz3qYCPt2bCyIBEO1go9Q9UoauOmVgpJmSZcCkQ3h_0X9PeHihpxHYpFLPzr4m_53dbYUWkXqRCxOzSO0Zt7cY9r0Y/s1600-h/1017_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr8ntfv6qEb2QnTtoHU7kp7c15vdiFj02GQ5e8srhN8ZS_J_JezTz3qYCPt2bCyIBEO1go9Q9UoauOmVgpJmSZcCkQ3h_0X9PeHihpxHYpFLPzr4m_53dbYUWkXqRCxOzSO0Zt7cY9r0Y/s400/1017_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306666228437602" border="0" /></a>Do you have <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">any </span></span>idea why threatening law enforcement with a knife is a bad idea? Besides the added quarter-century of assault charges you'll have to do time for? Well, I'll tell you; Grandma will disembowel you and take your lower intestines as a trophy with that knife of yours. At least, that's what it looks like she's doing. Fred Carter's shaky grasp of space won't permit me to decipher this further.<br /><br />God is a loving god, who will gladly strike <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone </span>down for <span style="font-style: italic;">anything. </span>But God is a wrathful, picky god who will play favorites and gladly murder 7+ people in a bad drug deal, but will save one of his guys. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span></span></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilhPNkNuTHWAIWwzXBqWmyfAIqfjrMBWQ21gRlHLRbZLGj8iABdN9SnB0SDHE3alt1cSi2XY1jgQskkz0hJq_WGv995vFxU85EwYm_4wHDpdQ8lSsDsm7x-6UAebS_u7UzV8RLgcPAdMc/s1600-h/1017_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilhPNkNuTHWAIWwzXBqWmyfAIqfjrMBWQ21gRlHLRbZLGj8iABdN9SnB0SDHE3alt1cSi2XY1jgQskkz0hJq_WGv995vFxU85EwYm_4wHDpdQ8lSsDsm7x-6UAebS_u7UzV8RLgcPAdMc/s400/1017_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306485839811042" border="0" /></a>The... the emphasis... it's just all wrong. ugh.<br />Junior metamorphoses into a Chow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Who </span></span>Grandma? I have no deductive reasoning.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCb6KXiafY2QYv-wypnkhJRQHZldnzRmAKBN1diECjnqZ3BNGgPUXWtoNPNZrn_Otwp8LhPc84p5K5E4mvlTtlrxiMndJNewkTpEGH7I3kh7iK_PA-pkFZgw9-no7oN4dHcQOi2laSrqg/s1600-h/1017_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCb6KXiafY2QYv-wypnkhJRQHZldnzRmAKBN1diECjnqZ3BNGgPUXWtoNPNZrn_Otwp8LhPc84p5K5E4mvlTtlrxiMndJNewkTpEGH7I3kh7iK_PA-pkFZgw9-no7oN4dHcQOi2laSrqg/s400/1017_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306490134778354" border="0" /></a>RRRRRrrribbit! Rrrribbit! Deacon Carterrribbit led her and her pimp to Christ.<br /><br />Mm, so far, we've got drugs, murder, violence, and now prostitution. The only thing missing from this world of evil is a gay guy and a woman with a job. <span style="font-style: italic;">Then </span>I'll take him seriously. Those last few things aren't severe enough.<br /><br />"*Grandpa". Jesus A', so now he's just making up his own slang and hoping for the best?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGH6aFB9ZgKbomGt0B4HASKTpcJ9ZaEyWV2N-BhPqQSyKYh2Bg_bxNPCJ3WF-pvJalRLeVN16aMxJM8V2oTaFGvCRTG_8P0BFtMCoUOUOktTBWnZ-7N5_YoLRZdpFmXhAN1MW-a1eh-ds/s1600-h/1017_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGH6aFB9ZgKbomGt0B4HASKTpcJ9ZaEyWV2N-BhPqQSyKYh2Bg_bxNPCJ3WF-pvJalRLeVN16aMxJM8V2oTaFGvCRTG_8P0BFtMCoUOUOktTBWnZ-7N5_YoLRZdpFmXhAN1MW-a1eh-ds/s400/1017_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306490134778370" border="0" /></a> ... Um, the fuck?<br />He probably did eat guys like him in prison for breakfast, but you know, in a different sense. And oh no! The eclipse is nigh.<br /><br />NOOOO! Anyone but <span style="font-weight: bold;">White </span>cops! Take all the white cops you want, but for the love of god, not the White cops!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Blam Blam Blam I don't know how a gunshot sounds</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcB8xJZVNh0PX0m_e81keQ8iYcK7GOI8Z2qTI9mGMsPoeWnxnw8SHH0wVZ0DQ0wFveZqZoTpt2HK4mWT0ja-Ek2jSDlhep-MjuwiUvSrkYaaHLHsR1icCKzNdI_QcZHMln5Uugm-0D1II/s1600-h/1017_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcB8xJZVNh0PX0m_e81keQ8iYcK7GOI8Z2qTI9mGMsPoeWnxnw8SHH0wVZ0DQ0wFveZqZoTpt2HK4mWT0ja-Ek2jSDlhep-MjuwiUvSrkYaaHLHsR1icCKzNdI_QcZHMln5Uugm-0D1II/s400/1017_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306490134778386" border="0" /></a>Honestly, this is starting to bug me, how many Christians do you know that pray and fast routinely? Mainstream Christianity, usually Protestant, regards this as highly antiquated. It seems more like a Muslim thing to do. But all Muslims are evil. Remember that.<br /><br />---standard Crucifiction bunk here----<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2UUa6wpdHTw0wJRsBtxmsjYRn7aysyu7IWYzNgploVOio3bVSvdbNKCY5QtTgc6XeG7LaFaZQ5lj6AwR5MumMx1yVqnsJqSv2ZsFLYXIhupYRkqXQUhBuF3VWeK7X5BsB_MhPRUzpC9g/s1600-h/1017_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2UUa6wpdHTw0wJRsBtxmsjYRn7aysyu7IWYzNgploVOio3bVSvdbNKCY5QtTgc6XeG7LaFaZQ5lj6AwR5MumMx1yVqnsJqSv2ZsFLYXIhupYRkqXQUhBuF3VWeK7X5BsB_MhPRUzpC9g/s400/1017_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306271091446146" border="0" /></a>Um, ew?<br /><br />Jack is getting lazy. He's not even bothering to draw Jesus' flayed, chapped, torn and bleeding skin sliding off his body like he usually does in his 3:16s. Maybe he's finally got over his BSDM fetish.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyQvvIXKOWgmjAkbkjmTgGljETj9ujC90kCm1o0zGZZPB2UnmeNs4BwurDuFUv-73VERcYGVeOn49HzBH5k-i4R3INuwtctvLOlkvv8E3fNxhASK1PQTbvQBTvUyW3cB6RegfqwDEiVQk/s1600-h/1017_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyQvvIXKOWgmjAkbkjmTgGljETj9ujC90kCm1o0zGZZPB2UnmeNs4BwurDuFUv-73VERcYGVeOn49HzBH5k-i4R3INuwtctvLOlkvv8E3fNxhASK1PQTbvQBTvUyW3cB6RegfqwDEiVQk/s400/1017_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306275386413458" border="0" /></a>..... I get it. Gargantuan Cop is a zombie. With a grammar/syntax problem.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.lawlforkids.com/v/getsintrouble.gif.html">"EVEN THE COP </a><a href="http://www.lawlforkids.com/v/getsintrouble.gif.html">GETS IN TROUBLE" </a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjymVxC4Ps3jxynX-IGdts6aODpVoTD6Ndm9Tmf9izk-GG1HA_2iV_I67WO8OqeiF58A7gcQcxE5mw0RP_jzVWpxVlcfgppI8oTnpvc0q1033NAgdzazzmeD45OylIoMOoQigduIIiRuKs/s1600-h/1017_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjymVxC4Ps3jxynX-IGdts6aODpVoTD6Ndm9Tmf9izk-GG1HA_2iV_I67WO8OqeiF58A7gcQcxE5mw0RP_jzVWpxVlcfgppI8oTnpvc0q1033NAgdzazzmeD45OylIoMOoQigduIIiRuKs/s400/1017_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306275386413474" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">(Gasp!) </span>That's the power of <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">desperation, groupthink and a desire not to be in prison!</span></span><br />Something tells me God wouldn't approve of this sob-orgy. Or maybe he would, he loves it when people grovel.<br /><br />Praise the Lord! Wait, what was this tract about? Right. He was supposed to be answering an 11-99 call. Where's Clancy? Oh, fuck it, who cares.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkM_Ru0TM3Hz_HcNRcmiJZQE4Gcd7IzffiVofwOFzdyW7XMgPdnisZUNdLMnLMReDXy_BUFEy2lnr6JGjXMnuRM-WamJDvjxMswobGUoGCphklQS4uaUHYSRVK6hFMQ75gY-8Mo3ZTnog/s1600-h/1017_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkM_Ru0TM3Hz_HcNRcmiJZQE4Gcd7IzffiVofwOFzdyW7XMgPdnisZUNdLMnLMReDXy_BUFEy2lnr6JGjXMnuRM-WamJDvjxMswobGUoGCphklQS4uaUHYSRVK6hFMQ75gY-8Mo3ZTnog/s400/1017_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306275386413490" border="0" /></a>"Junior, Deacon Carter is more like Jesus than any man I've ever met." But that's blasphemy and you're going to hell. Is he like Jesus in that he gets easily distracted from his job and doesn't actually do what he's supposed to? The simile doesn't stretch much, so I'll assume she's referring to Jesus Garcia, the guy who lives next door to her or something.<br /><br />You'll be safer working with <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">him </span></span>than anyone you know because you won't actually go into the line of fire. Instead, you'll just go around troubled neighborhoods converting people.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI3CKCHU8eGq1cFQWVUprKGMvA2MQ1k_KGeTtvNyzt-Hp-f53FuV4JB6b1sf-v2mezH7_gyxiZ4yn8VRLqiqd6Tm_V5MIqVZ06PU8usHxWxfh1BPemJpcdYphW8uzURS6IcoIkHMClnj8/s1600-h/enKJV.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI3CKCHU8eGq1cFQWVUprKGMvA2MQ1k_KGeTtvNyzt-Hp-f53FuV4JB6b1sf-v2mezH7_gyxiZ4yn8VRLqiqd6Tm_V5MIqVZ06PU8usHxWxfh1BPemJpcdYphW8uzURS6IcoIkHMClnj8/s400/enKJV.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5143306279681380802" border="0" /></a>That's all good and well, but if this tract is any indication (which is like using a cabbage to tell you what the temperature is), our hard-earned taxes go to paying Jehovah's Witnesses in uniforms and fancy cars.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-8497074054289398152007-11-14T20:12:00.000-06:002007-11-18T01:06:36.526-06:00Puppykilling Atheists<a href="http://enterthejabberwock.com/">Enter the Jabberwock</a> will have this same tract dissected in very much the same way I will in two or so days. Just watch. I think he's on to me. The last few of his have been mine, with slightly different wording, and usually about 53 more comments than mine. Pay attention to the dates. But no matter.<br /><br />So kiddies, have you been baptizing your beloved pets in the name of the Lawd? 'Cause if you haven't been, they're rotting in hell right now being pushed facefirst through flaming sink incinerators while being raped with serrated knives. Or, I think that's how the story goes. It's hard to understand this tract because it's really an awfully bad metaphor. But something about Jesus, love, God, blah blah, Salvation, blah. Now featuring a lagoon monster named Cleo.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiERo-wsdLxy6hFTV4zPvKG6t1wyoXPEHi6sfAeXai7ORe10bunFSVeIc6K5MhSfDM9QXmFarOt2cdnvIff-LA33V4di0Lyrl9unXFg3SoEedaCM26NWZOe3wjQfK-hKfI1aoiYl1lhcXo/s1600-h/0012_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiERo-wsdLxy6hFTV4zPvKG6t1wyoXPEHi6sfAeXai7ORe10bunFSVeIc6K5MhSfDM9QXmFarOt2cdnvIff-LA33V4di0Lyrl9unXFg3SoEedaCM26NWZOe3wjQfK-hKfI1aoiYl1lhcXo/s400/0012_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886836151376690" border="0" /></a>Oh my god! What is it? It's... It's got a large, single porcelain tooth coming out of its dirty-yellow maw, and a human femur under its toeless paw! Run! Oh my god, oh my fucking god, RUN FOR THE NUCLEAR SHELTER!!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF2bviTeIKER_fRlQ8MWr17muz8h5qc1EO36uh5D26OrjxUSqDEEEQMvcUQMPexpNNlo3SEz1UcSyxoG6p9nI6yxa81kaNtOED1kRii_MtCPpOsmvAqUn_pV9BCpwGvCEI5hM0isBBmfQ/s1600-h/0012_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF2bviTeIKER_fRlQ8MWr17muz8h5qc1EO36uh5D26OrjxUSqDEEEQMvcUQMPexpNNlo3SEz1UcSyxoG6p9nI6yxa81kaNtOED1kRii_MtCPpOsmvAqUn_pV9BCpwGvCEI5hM0isBBmfQ/s400/0012_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886840446344002" border="0" /></a>"Before we start our trip, we'd all better go back in the house to see if we forgot anything. First aid kit... check.... picnic basket... check... map and hotel information.... check.... cardboard 'ZZZZZZZ' placard...check.... dog that has been dead long enough for rigor mortis to set in... check.... pants-wetting behemoth butterfly.... check...."<br /><br />That kid looks like someone just sucked out his soul. ... Hey, wait a minute, I think I understand what's going on here. There's a reason we can't see his hand or his lower body, and he looks so surprised.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6D_jQAjViwbfYn8pi7SYDJTguDtqQ8cRPiyiU0yvX9XUmCOF_BthHilH8PKw3Hm78YlkiZnbUnU3yJMdb_P_e9moRK9Jbyr_VvGYCR9M1ZMhmTXJk0-inj63ih3Ae0a0ElR7NhnEYfdw/s1600-h/0012_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6D_jQAjViwbfYn8pi7SYDJTguDtqQ8cRPiyiU0yvX9XUmCOF_BthHilH8PKw3Hm78YlkiZnbUnU3yJMdb_P_e9moRK9Jbyr_VvGYCR9M1ZMhmTXJk0-inj63ih3Ae0a0ElR7NhnEYfdw/s400/0012_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886578453338850" border="0" /></a>"Arf Arf" Ladies, gents, meet John Wayne Gacy's dog. Woofy the Long-lashed Pirate-Bearded Dog Thing. I'm sorry, this thing just strikes an icicle into all my inner being. It came out of a horrible, demented carnival. It wants blood. It cannot feel. It is a merciless murder machine. This is a prime example of Chick overcutesying his characters until they become sticky, hyperglycemic monsters.<br /><br />Woo! Here's some of that gravity-defiance/background indistinction that Chick is famous for. Now, is JWGD sliding on the car door, or onto grass, or what? It's less of a slide than a superglued-by-the-butt-to-the-car-door stance. Either way, I'd hate to drive a car/have a lawn that looks that much like human hair.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyo6LMZ3Edta43-rE-Ljx_T9uBacEkWMlR3Gs-ORVes8JBrN4lD1pnBYGapw2jgj_lEWJCIGuFtTNOj9c7qZ8mrRIubduDFuMcLSvK6Trw-9t86EC6wEvu2fBjDpnz-rt6UnPiMCz8GDo/s1600-h/0012_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyo6LMZ3Edta43-rE-Ljx_T9uBacEkWMlR3Gs-ORVes8JBrN4lD1pnBYGapw2jgj_lEWJCIGuFtTNOj9c7qZ8mrRIubduDFuMcLSvK6Trw-9t86EC6wEvu2fBjDpnz-rt6UnPiMCz8GDo/s400/0012_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886582748306162" border="0" /></a>.... Out of the ashes... This thing... chasing the gigantic mutant butterfly....<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Is Grandma gonna DIE? </span></span>He's so excited about this. This is one of those "and we get to see a guy with a finger missing! Coooool!" things that kids say. Just like explosions. You know. They shouldn't be driving on I-35 West... not until it gets fixed....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi66LmnGzBPDACQbJlb5UC31js1f7UtQxwWqSyCUKtuyBsSlD08m-Kk01496hu6bmBaw9hidXka6QKH8fktnUlgl3cJ43oEIudUbffMbYMrYYW1Jv5mxp1RkPGAtzyo5O9KXYfmuU4Gkio/s1600-h/0012_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi66LmnGzBPDACQbJlb5UC31js1f7UtQxwWqSyCUKtuyBsSlD08m-Kk01496hu6bmBaw9hidXka6QKH8fktnUlgl3cJ43oEIudUbffMbYMrYYW1Jv5mxp1RkPGAtzyo5O9KXYfmuU4Gkio/s400/0012_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886587043273474" border="0" /></a>I'm glad Chickville has roving dogcatchers with deformed spines and very-bitable crotches. Stupid.<br /><br />This... holy god... why..... is the cross-eye thing supposed to be cute, or what? I feel nothing for this grotesque monstrosity. I wonder how it eats; its tongue is always half-out.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKG8NVMbLOCVZzDqSJeEInTBLfb86q-KiRun8HaY680k4ip0DetNPPwk8cvc-IzQmqUR5fN2Z3dJb2SxdNSmu6-H5gZ8ZKLpfPmxvp6-dOwAmFeFM-7GdT8Lqfj0kNb7ocCBEOWxqZIdA/s1600-h/0012_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKG8NVMbLOCVZzDqSJeEInTBLfb86q-KiRun8HaY680k4ip0DetNPPwk8cvc-IzQmqUR5fN2Z3dJb2SxdNSmu6-H5gZ8ZKLpfPmxvp6-dOwAmFeFM-7GdT8Lqfj0kNb7ocCBEOWxqZIdA/s400/0012_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886591338240786" border="0" /></a>Oh, now it catches on. It's in a giant whaling net. They're about to paint the beaches red with its blood, in addition to those... uh... they look like really enthusiastic Eskimos? Like, tiled. Maybe. I don't understand it either.<br /><br />CLEO! Help! I'm drowning in this tablecloth quicksand! Help! It's stylizing me! I look horrendous! Help, before I get sucked into the Chickverse Vortex!!! HEEEELLLPPP!!!!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicOqa4YjUsyL2Il83PzmX_q0Oncd7-_c7RlkXnY8hCvE9TuBKILxCIMqzdjuSBl0twuAmicqsn8XQeJZTKS0I4GPq-DuEa_yyro0-Ry669OOyrH4Ui7ddEIf6faIq46i-oz9DkuWVuE5g/s1600-h/0012_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicOqa4YjUsyL2Il83PzmX_q0Oncd7-_c7RlkXnY8hCvE9TuBKILxCIMqzdjuSBl0twuAmicqsn8XQeJZTKS0I4GPq-DuEa_yyro0-Ry669OOyrH4Ui7ddEIf6faIq46i-oz9DkuWVuE5g/s400/0012_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886591338240802" border="0" /></a>... PLEASE don't let her get killed. We all know how much you like killing innocent things, but could you, like, hold off on the deathfest for 3 days? I mean, all those African children are game, but please, PLEASE don't kill my darling puppy-monster.<br /><br />Stay stylish with Bono Nascar shades.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0cnPd0QUGeKD4TmV5tFo0lg009PFkyrilf7i-os8JszdJArA3-pvmOHA5itfaEGsdTubMvTUgMrfcBaDLm9Mrll3DypzZCloJJ5YnNsWonceW4-eud6_7YPpDdG8459NDfhOv5MiUE6E/s1600-h/0012_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0cnPd0QUGeKD4TmV5tFo0lg009PFkyrilf7i-os8JszdJArA3-pvmOHA5itfaEGsdTubMvTUgMrfcBaDLm9Mrll3DypzZCloJJ5YnNsWonceW4-eud6_7YPpDdG8459NDfhOv5MiUE6E/s400/0012_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886282100595346" border="0" /></a>I feel sick too!<br /><br />Okay, is this starting to bother anyone else? Why does this kid keep saying these "oh, whoops, looks like I drove over my cell phone, time to get a new one" phrases? Like, he's seething with sarcasm when he says this. I don't blame him, I'd want to get rid of that lagoon beast too.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguWBIq8KLnMYszkXqN9Z4qdQ6sRgbM2ZdFxMUFzbsOI0Zw8o0teXWlRTTh0t1dvju_h6pXiQX4ZIIzrAhrqaryDP3UXqbN4yFrK5B_uVlhXdYnyLaHeh2xbA2sRR7USqJLBpgHTC9921A/s1600-h/0012_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguWBIq8KLnMYszkXqN9Z4qdQ6sRgbM2ZdFxMUFzbsOI0Zw8o0teXWlRTTh0t1dvju_h6pXiQX4ZIIzrAhrqaryDP3UXqbN4yFrK5B_uVlhXdYnyLaHeh2xbA2sRR7USqJLBpgHTC9921A/s400/0012_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886286395562658" border="0" /></a>Stop SPREADING YOUR PATHOGEN-LADEN SPIT ALL OVER MY FACE!<br />Slurp slurp, oh baby.... jeez, racy or what?<br /><br />-toss- Eh, okay, here's your new home. If you could, trim down your beard please. It makes the other puppies uncomfortable.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrlGHTVh87sPv0LtQ5jH8URjlGLcpjJzhC8fz_Cirs5qhaqQyCrRu_U7mPBD_bVHynpcNw6vmjHoQLLkdER23Q1dGT2nzA2LSTaGoiStf7P0Hy2BeL_49JvUzfD_kxKZ3tEEwc2G8PSqw/s1600-h/0012_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrlGHTVh87sPv0LtQ5jH8URjlGLcpjJzhC8fz_Cirs5qhaqQyCrRu_U7mPBD_bVHynpcNw6vmjHoQLLkdER23Q1dGT2nzA2LSTaGoiStf7P0Hy2BeL_49JvUzfD_kxKZ3tEEwc2G8PSqw/s400/0012_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886290690529970" border="0" /></a>Okay, I want to know what the fuck is this kid's problem. Is he just pathologically afraid of everything? He looks like he's staring at a huge fucking brown recluse on the back of his sleazy car-salesman father's head. Maybe the sliver storm going on behind him creeps him out. Or his father's apathy.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9JsxHA3cvnAolfw0gu1IPm38_9Y34mnGYQtoWpKsKAPU-UHWScIs4dxOC7Au3200Dit36X-qLtqnMVbY5OHLI4xjOxXLjoYzTx57qgWQ1lUzx7_Qm2AFOIk93FPIehyphenhyphennLQnRy6duQQtw/s1600-h/0012_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9JsxHA3cvnAolfw0gu1IPm38_9Y34mnGYQtoWpKsKAPU-UHWScIs4dxOC7Au3200Dit36X-qLtqnMVbY5OHLI4xjOxXLjoYzTx57qgWQ1lUzx7_Qm2AFOIk93FPIehyphenhyphennLQnRy6duQQtw/s400/0012_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886290690529986" border="0" /></a>Oh my god. Seriously, does Timmy have Down's? Why is his face so round and his eyes so buggy? They aren't even focused! He's always hugging his father. This is freaky. Another thing, why does he always, always turn the conversation toward God saving Cleo? Like, fuck granny, I want my creepy oral-sex-whore lapdog!!!11<br /><br />And it seems that Bob Vila finally got his Ph.D. and is .... operating on fundie parents.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitNsp589ay4q3awJiHb2lSOAkSb-5-1kHFmWvT3-cYrTI0TGf2VL65N-jexfpSI4sPJmqvefK17LXawcd7W3OdHciPgR8dLojITH2R5fEfCtiXTLZjNr-dowbO0EZeOI14Ywjs9MhOKyM/s1600-h/0012_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitNsp589ay4q3awJiHb2lSOAkSb-5-1kHFmWvT3-cYrTI0TGf2VL65N-jexfpSI4sPJmqvefK17LXawcd7W3OdHciPgR8dLojITH2R5fEfCtiXTLZjNr-dowbO0EZeOI14Ywjs9MhOKyM/s400/0012_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132886290690530002" border="0" /></a>Wooo, skyscrapers with multiple personalities. Norman Bates-ish, ain't it? He's either Timmy or Grandma.<br /><br />And what is that horrible liverspotted thing? It needs its reading glasses apparently. Chick is eagerly counting down the time he has before he can kill a puppy. That says it all right there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_bxHDxIm82MdNIMXJaEdCl7Vz_rdFHEhFN-SDWYCQToLt7Ef8cNX1wjVKUJzHHZy1ArryY9TGCHWUaNJRAbKv3fo7mch-o8ufrPY_1_xqVASIPAw9k282X9Yd8D2GD3Yf8mX9gJNDJ-A/s1600-h/0012_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_bxHDxIm82MdNIMXJaEdCl7Vz_rdFHEhFN-SDWYCQToLt7Ef8cNX1wjVKUJzHHZy1ArryY9TGCHWUaNJRAbKv3fo7mch-o8ufrPY_1_xqVASIPAw9k282X9Yd8D2GD3Yf8mX9gJNDJ-A/s400/0012_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885861193800258" border="0" /></a>Isn't Timmy just the most annoying manchild you've ever seen? How long til we get there? How long til we get there? I'd shoot the kid behind a quiet barn between the eyes, personally.<br /><br />NOOOOOOOOOO! Don't kill it! It's a super-duper-rare kind of aardvark!<br /><br />What bothers me is how awful he is at basic math/reading. How many dogs are here, Herb? Why, there are clearly 3.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjh-CSw5xjX0LzpRxHP2aDkfFpt9nq77ieZS2KcjgmalFtjt83biFff5TO76Gg64sRbJWYRb4ffABdDTmtDRtiYMIyunfZWkwr3tSqJInU0v3FJp555SkBlfoVJ5zzfZzsvr55wq3g1ho/s1600-h/0012_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjh-CSw5xjX0LzpRxHP2aDkfFpt9nq77ieZS2KcjgmalFtjt83biFff5TO76Gg64sRbJWYRb4ffABdDTmtDRtiYMIyunfZWkwr3tSqJInU0v3FJp555SkBlfoVJ5zzfZzsvr55wq3g1ho/s400/0012_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885861193800274" border="0" /></a>Finally, we get to see this bug-eyed monster die. I know what my nightmares will be about tonight.<br /><br />No! Stop! This is a base of the United States Armed Forces! Deadly force is authorized. I mean, I won't mind, but that <span style="font-style: italic;">definitely </span>isn't a pound. Detainment chambers and guards on the wall? What kind of animals do they keep?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVGSVhuZ2WUecT1dPkuua_M51U_vfT0t-vD2Dh-_o5Hyx7rnGbkPX_CJz7_HQt3h92OgVkMpzeLXqH1AdjCJFU2xCudCuGZn8JwCDDal8dFbNHQzg3CzuURJhKOWVaXkCgSZVt2kvr5z4/s1600-h/0012_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVGSVhuZ2WUecT1dPkuua_M51U_vfT0t-vD2Dh-_o5Hyx7rnGbkPX_CJz7_HQt3h92OgVkMpzeLXqH1AdjCJFU2xCudCuGZn8JwCDDal8dFbNHQzg3CzuURJhKOWVaXkCgSZVt2kvr5z4/s400/0012_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885861193800290" border="0" /></a>Oh, now Cleo develops navel mouth. Watch your hand, Jew Animal Control Officer, because that's a nuclear dog you've got there.<br /><br />There! I've finally pinpointed where I've seen that horrid face before. Behold: <a href="http://www.garybabb.net/DramaticChipmunk.gif">Dramatic chipmunk. </a>You know, I get the feeling that all the skin is going to crawl away from his eyes, until he's just a scalp with horrible, horrible eyes staring into forever. God that would rock so hard.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeTLFjpKcAuQyd7zVws_-S4H7aFzN0RplZUMeQW9wc1wpEIBYcSkeNgdH_-ED7o4l65ob0RWDaZWQ9ZjIIjnkfSrv-XMcSspjbe5JWo3XtPGVwIppUeDHwvTmttWr_-Td11KjI0U4hIyo/s1600-h/0012_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeTLFjpKcAuQyd7zVws_-S4H7aFzN0RplZUMeQW9wc1wpEIBYcSkeNgdH_-ED7o4l65ob0RWDaZWQ9ZjIIjnkfSrv-XMcSspjbe5JWo3XtPGVwIppUeDHwvTmttWr_-Td11KjI0U4hIyo/s400/0012_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885865488767602" border="0" /></a>Oh, oh, cheap. Why the fuck does Chick just up and stop caring on some of these panels? Oh, okay, he's slamming himself in the door. That's much better.<br /><br />I have to kill this dog! Raaaar, I'm a bald guy with giant ears! You caught me in the nick of time, I was about to rape your dog, considering how Chick gave it an arrow instead of an asshole (why he didn't just leave it off is beyond me). You can pay at the office, and we accept all major forms of rap----<span style="font-style: italic;">payment</span>, uh, yeah....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj0OTAFVsurSBMvszsejnJKid7nb13fxH5oo9blwsp9iK4LK28-n0tf-lp513gWK_3JXdv4HQu8bDSpl-d0q3qpM6GnFJ2IZSzcdF8JolF9_PU4h2PSxYgMByf-3Q3L8PYaZXy3w6NxMY/s1600-h/0012_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj0OTAFVsurSBMvszsejnJKid7nb13fxH5oo9blwsp9iK4LK28-n0tf-lp513gWK_3JXdv4HQu8bDSpl-d0q3qpM6GnFJ2IZSzcdF8JolF9_PU4h2PSxYgMByf-3Q3L8PYaZXy3w6NxMY/s400/0012_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885865488767618" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">She has no eyes! SHE HAS NO EYES!!! </span></span></span>That is really, really creepy.<br /><br />Oh, my god, please make this stop. This is scarring my psyche. He loves that dog a little <span style="font-style: italic;">too much. </span>Jack Chick, I know you love to draw make-out scenes, but for the love of all things holy at least don't endorse children tongue-stabbing dogs. I'm pretty sure the Bible doesn't allow that.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHFAYC1ZSMriTLqYbIXjojc6JScldh219OhQqLdkfZFcCL7JaWHcau-sDxNbceXmCE50mj6sUqxqeoGuP6n8GAvb2eBt0KFFRZCydOe1S0ojlXB0gLNhOVy3O3Qp7D7e74gF0ul5zMxtM/s1600-h/0012_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHFAYC1ZSMriTLqYbIXjojc6JScldh219OhQqLdkfZFcCL7JaWHcau-sDxNbceXmCE50mj6sUqxqeoGuP6n8GAvb2eBt0KFFRZCydOe1S0ojlXB0gLNhOVy3O3Qp7D7e74gF0ul5zMxtM/s400/0012_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885169704065522" border="0" /></a>No, no you didn't. You learned (if you didn't already know) that you kid is an annoying little shit that doesn't give a damn about their immediate family, but instead the horrible monster creature thing you probably bought him and are unaware of his affinity to bestiality toward.<br /><br />And... the dog is still going. That's an awfully affectionate dog.<br /><br />Crazy old Jack, always spinning the least god-related instances with some sort of "hey y'all jeeeesus did this" twist.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfDb13VRyf00T84zonDfKkLJOm5tQyLgnfzRYSsHaIi6fHxTO-nHxI9lwwBVgM9ZPjt-7fZFMhKN5hDBhtqM-qBoTkf9EY-J1lbH2Oa01dBiCwUIS12f-wN6cWeUF1OfQokj2jXc60MA/s1600-h/0012_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQfDb13VRyf00T84zonDfKkLJOm5tQyLgnfzRYSsHaIi6fHxTO-nHxI9lwwBVgM9ZPjt-7fZFMhKN5hDBhtqM-qBoTkf9EY-J1lbH2Oa01dBiCwUIS12f-wN6cWeUF1OfQokj2jXc60MA/s400/0012_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885173999032834" border="0" /></a>Yeah, God's a doghumper. I kind of like "Herb" being an avatar of god, it's more accurate to what he is than the Bible God incarnation.<br /><br />Who cares if you ran into deep trouble? Unless that's what caused a bomb to go off behind your head, why is this relevant?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_RYoKZChZSiAwXM6SAMR6X7tU-BjM_cyr6sBgrkMVlAKdWU2czLAELT2uKWOdi1RgGK6zXTXfnEpa5eNSLTuJuTNM12e7mVS4YULTVsNIfST49gDLqrB8VKt3g1flBhOq9Z9OYD8DqNs/s1600-h/0012_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_RYoKZChZSiAwXM6SAMR6X7tU-BjM_cyr6sBgrkMVlAKdWU2czLAELT2uKWOdi1RgGK6zXTXfnEpa5eNSLTuJuTNM12e7mVS4YULTVsNIfST49gDLqrB8VKt3g1flBhOq9Z9OYD8DqNs/s400/0012_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885178294000146" border="0" /></a>Cleo looks like she needs a smoke. Amirite?<br /><br />This is so unnecessary. If Chick was more efficient, this tract would be four panels long. But that would entail clipping off some of the bullshit, which is probably less likely than the Rapture.<br /><br />That there's some irony, good news (TM) with an asterisk.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNBKIkzOdMnOF_0S0rL2LK3YVVRD6igmULeT3qe2hY8oSPxg7_l3WkUF3DSU7YBifKtgcp0icsgwNrooyeGzH3GVy00rsK_wETZ00yxZI5_Vq_VBFJAp4lOgg3Iafk0MyfP2maUk0S44k/s1600-h/0012_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNBKIkzOdMnOF_0S0rL2LK3YVVRD6igmULeT3qe2hY8oSPxg7_l3WkUF3DSU7YBifKtgcp0icsgwNrooyeGzH3GVy00rsK_wETZ00yxZI5_Vq_VBFJAp4lOgg3Iafk0MyfP2maUk0S44k/s400/0012_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885178294000162" border="0" /></a>Blah, blah, whatever, Jesus, fuck off. That's not awesome.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF2NXQPg5bDkSySPDnZqakluG_D23nRyK0FPeERmcn-WiFeZNs-CP3g7ns3uWqFl9pSGzwABLu211ym6r-wlEj8qUf_Z82As-Kbq644jFuTP1R1hfZkKhq4xZnIGoOfqlMv4ghjXRumXw/s1600-h/0012_22.gif"> <img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF2NXQPg5bDkSySPDnZqakluG_D23nRyK0FPeERmcn-WiFeZNs-CP3g7ns3uWqFl9pSGzwABLu211ym6r-wlEj8qUf_Z82As-Kbq644jFuTP1R1hfZkKhq4xZnIGoOfqlMv4ghjXRumXw/s400/0012_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5132885182588967474" border="0" /></a><br />Pray like this Timmy? Not any old Timmy, but this particular Timmy?<br /><br />WOW! Cleo is still really, really horny! This is so awesome!!!<br /><br />---<br /><br />What a dark, creepy journey that was. Hopefully next time Chick can keep his paraphilia to himself. This had absolutely nothing to do with Jeeezus either, so I don't understand what just happened. Apparently you too can go to heaven--- <span style="font-style: italic;">if I see a receipt within 10 minutes.</span>Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-33683972461694062382007-11-04T19:07:00.000-06:002007-11-04T20:37:31.469-06:00Oh, Not This AgainWoo! Got here first.<br /><br />Anyway, here's a brand-spankin'-new tract, kindly placed under our ready knives.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoC_YbVjpgP5Sl-OOFUqrRD4nZWiMxXCfzmvAoXOf9vZFcbMZGOk_aQ5SUax_wtUJCBSTNy8wCdlmyPKt0dXLXt51QhWx2Wq2Yftu2pXQG8OhVt-t8wodFb37WMKf_01K-jG6JEwG-7Ws/s1600-h/1044_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoC_YbVjpgP5Sl-OOFUqrRD4nZWiMxXCfzmvAoXOf9vZFcbMZGOk_aQ5SUax_wtUJCBSTNy8wCdlmyPKt0dXLXt51QhWx2Wq2Yftu2pXQG8OhVt-t8wodFb37WMKf_01K-jG6JEwG-7Ws/s400/1044_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129159141233212882" border="0" /></a>Good question! I'm pretty curious where Chick's brains went too. But you won't find them by staring at a kiln in the distance.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXvrM26UFL_lcBtapcnwpsc3jQP6wDcxu_kvxrbpSc_HmpBl_fy7sI4uoUGEK2to98_5jf0LvZcTN2UTTB5Pm1VOnt0fw_milaBRrqU-dq-XlgjmoiqDGanMxUmAitR9BuihcLqSKq1I/s1600-h/1044_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXXvrM26UFL_lcBtapcnwpsc3jQP6wDcxu_kvxrbpSc_HmpBl_fy7sI4uoUGEK2to98_5jf0LvZcTN2UTTB5Pm1VOnt0fw_milaBRrqU-dq-XlgjmoiqDGanMxUmAitR9BuihcLqSKq1I/s400/1044_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129159141233212898" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Apathetic Doctor:</span> He's gone. Sure looks happy though, that's not normal. He's probably in Heaven, groping some angels, like this. -grope grope-<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Fatty:</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Oh, No</span>! Sons of bitches, sons of bitches! My huge forearms are melting into my face! Help!<br /><br />I just love the starry-eyed admiration of the one on the left. Most of Chick's demons have no genitals, but this one seems to have a boner on its forehead. Maybe a little too much admiration?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijmR7Rdght6wwikCMo8U4YB12ajYVNPVTr2c-4U6f8BNfundieQsE0enbFiu4rI1Sgm_W0flvTs5oPKvQKCXT8iJQoOsDK9Ur1lQcCoPHn9VZcalxUwF6-LblTrkkzjydVlqz72VwdJmU/s1600-h/1044_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijmR7Rdght6wwikCMo8U4YB12ajYVNPVTr2c-4U6f8BNfundieQsE0enbFiu4rI1Sgm_W0flvTs5oPKvQKCXT8iJQoOsDK9Ur1lQcCoPHn9VZcalxUwF6-LblTrkkzjydVlqz72VwdJmU/s400/1044_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158789045894530" border="0" /></a>I <span style="font-style: italic;">turned </span>his family against him. I <span style="font-style: italic;">split </span>his church and put him under so much <span style="font-style: italic;">stress </span>he developed <span style="font-weight: bold;">cancer.</span> I <span style="font-style: italic;">don't </span>know how <span style="font-weight: bold;">cancer </span><span style="font-style: italic;">works</span>, so I just <span style="font-style: italic;">made </span>some <span style="font-weight: bold;">shit </span>up <span style="font-style: italic;">and </span>put it in <span style="font-weight: bold;">boldface </span><span style="font-style: italic;">because </span>that puts needless <span style="font-style: italic;">emphasis </span>on <span style="font-weight: bold;">it </span>and <span style="font-style: italic;">makes it </span>sound more <span style="font-style: italic;">dramatic</span>.<br /><br />The next part here baffles me, because it's impossible to tell who is talking, the fat one or the boner demon. But all that aside, talk like that <span style="font-style: italic;">will </span>be dangerous if fundies keep pushing their relentless "decency" laws.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsjLTFVKuZp6hGby-fN90QBA9ZhyphenhyphenFhzI7xTK9B30xWoW1E6LlxMLbKhsYdnGdXX8gj8x3FcOhSCNVhoGft8maXs2dVjgoBoFVznZfejhhwap17UO1gTHAw7uldWyZrgAgiqeqH5Z1oApQ/s1600-h/1044_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsjLTFVKuZp6hGby-fN90QBA9ZhyphenhyphenFhzI7xTK9B30xWoW1E6LlxMLbKhsYdnGdXX8gj8x3FcOhSCNVhoGft8maXs2dVjgoBoFVznZfejhhwap17UO1gTHAw7uldWyZrgAgiqeqH5Z1oApQ/s400/1044_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158789045894546" border="0" /></a>Do I hafta be here? That's a good question, because it seems that the people are picnicking next to a miniaturized barn on an anthill. You can't even tell what it is, so why would you be there in the first place?<br /><br />And maybe it's just that funeral sermons are <span style="font-style: italic;">boring</span>, not that there are demons plugging up your ears. Apparently the Devil has better foresight than God, because he knows what the sermon will be about before it begins (and God, however, can't seem to predict things like sin and Lucifer becoming the devil).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhtwRKV7nNPl76uTIb636lmzAiCkUZ4yxjMn5Fb3Y9EEn6YsJxrsZaUMHtYH9ojPcAKwJusjCWPM1uiuR-USaLIAzc8D0dhaRlm1T80qrSobo0C4h77IovioQKGuge1yR5IKKAN5H-D0k/s1600-h/1044_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhtwRKV7nNPl76uTIb636lmzAiCkUZ4yxjMn5Fb3Y9EEn6YsJxrsZaUMHtYH9ojPcAKwJusjCWPM1uiuR-USaLIAzc8D0dhaRlm1T80qrSobo0C4h77IovioQKGuge1yR5IKKAN5H-D0k/s400/1044_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158793340861858" border="0" /></a>What is this, the aquarium tank of half-human half-fish hybrids? Why is the maitre'di so offended by the words "this the judgement"? This seems to be a panel of European stereotypes, starting from the fat German looking guy and the Englishwoman with bad teeth. Chick is racist, d'you know that? This is exhausting.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtaRYHAYSWMnrHxBqekZnUT6nwAfBLo9echXaFTAS8EohAwirpjP9lSTg4_fXckFWoPH31iuqaLcxsrM2d3RBcDh6Wl3EzkzaAOlnrEJmWdj-eKUSWpiqfeGE_1yoEuG2eut3cREjeXFo/s1600-h/1044_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtaRYHAYSWMnrHxBqekZnUT6nwAfBLo9echXaFTAS8EohAwirpjP9lSTg4_fXckFWoPH31iuqaLcxsrM2d3RBcDh6Wl3EzkzaAOlnrEJmWdj-eKUSWpiqfeGE_1yoEuG2eut3cREjeXFo/s400/1044_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158797635829170" border="0" /></a>WTF? Seriously. What does that mean, "we should dump him"? You're going to kill the funeral orator? You're going to drop him in a pile of trash? You're going to break up with him? What does that mean?<br /><br />And that poor woman is so terrified and outraged and shocked that she's missing a soap opera, like she didn't choose to go to the funeral anyway.<br /><br />"Might catch you <span style="font-style: italic;">again</span>"? So this guy's a sleaze, why is it impressive that he's ooh, evil, sinning, and under demonic influence? How's that demonstrating the power of teh devil!!111?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVcY5m3H7W6wOGFGalZmxV89mye7f3NmEcHzcAYnXCDGTjmiErjhebEU2ZXc5Z1PbuGU1ZdjD7qJVmo0C7Me2sS9NqYftGikMJrQ-B1h-7tEb95INteqzNpnjmnaFREH4WXy7d24XeUi0/s1600-h/1044_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVcY5m3H7W6wOGFGalZmxV89mye7f3NmEcHzcAYnXCDGTjmiErjhebEU2ZXc5Z1PbuGU1ZdjD7qJVmo0C7Me2sS9NqYftGikMJrQ-B1h-7tEb95INteqzNpnjmnaFREH4WXy7d24XeUi0/s400/1044_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158801930796482" border="0" /></a>Whoa, the 3:16 rubber-stamp panel came awfully soon. Chick's got low stamina these days.<br /><br />What a smug asshole. I'd "dump" him too. He looks like a potato and is reading off stupid things.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjruJ-NRG0h-mUgINzZrMMvj69iuG1q0tm9-Cex9pczwd3qIsOGjdtDDXkUyQ5Tct_IthzFEb2pFNh9MZhtqMEt0uOCYIL9Mm1LsAOmAlX3I9t8vCRJq5m3ZnBYjiQk2WF3coAVkNVqbyk/s1600-h/1044_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjruJ-NRG0h-mUgINzZrMMvj69iuG1q0tm9-Cex9pczwd3qIsOGjdtDDXkUyQ5Tct_IthzFEb2pFNh9MZhtqMEt0uOCYIL9Mm1LsAOmAlX3I9t8vCRJq5m3ZnBYjiQk2WF3coAVkNVqbyk/s400/1044_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158527052889394" border="0" /></a>AWWWWW SAD PUPPY EYES AWWW!!! It's okay, sweetie, God is your umbrella! Aww, now I feel bad... do you want a lollipop? I mean, it's sad that your creepy paranoid predictions won't happen and you'll have your dreams crushed, but awwww!<br /><br />Vampire Woman is easily excited, considering she shouldn't care, as she has been one of the undead for thousands of years (probably).<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigkZi0ZWccCBx9P_OmH58hNIbx9VxqgTznuMhT3_8fLkG28NOD9ydeYcsRAapktX1g8ZRhX4vBKVAIz7yL2aPmLuzQvpzEJ5LlnilbJ0R_vt0J610y3g-izQYgmzTPcGlAZI7sZiwQGYU/s1600-h/1044_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigkZi0ZWccCBx9P_OmH58hNIbx9VxqgTznuMhT3_8fLkG28NOD9ydeYcsRAapktX1g8ZRhX4vBKVAIz7yL2aPmLuzQvpzEJ5LlnilbJ0R_vt0J610y3g-izQYgmzTPcGlAZI7sZiwQGYU/s400/1044_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158531347856706" border="0" /></a>Oh no! Voldemort is coming!<br /><br />Well, something <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">big </span>is </span>in the wind, considering that explosive fart he just ripped. At least he's embarrassed, tee hee!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis_U6KUDyTtf0Yw25z3F0oPySDoxpuhdHHG_P7JC3vR1YJVF3qMh7naigH05iL9c-bp4QaUzyiSYh7Yb4dRGGhH-uJlVTWhltYfkTXxCtS7v749MlaFohRtgWEzXltcjYJOUngqsVTFX4/s1600-h/1044_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis_U6KUDyTtf0Yw25z3F0oPySDoxpuhdHHG_P7JC3vR1YJVF3qMh7naigH05iL9c-bp4QaUzyiSYh7Yb4dRGGhH-uJlVTWhltYfkTXxCtS7v749MlaFohRtgWEzXltcjYJOUngqsVTFX4/s400/1044_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158531347856722" border="0" /></a>"But Master, the world already belongs to <span style="font-weight: bold;">you!*</span>stupidbiblequote* Through your domination of music and television, you own the world! Blah blah blah! Hollister! MTV! I'm totally 'hip' to the 'jive' of young people today, aren't I?"<br /><br />If anything moves.... what?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI7ZMTZ0HnLN5OFWoBWXPwgRtXDFPZt24dERkVXuwziI6K5eisaq8fd14bfAuT6LjFyr-Wwl9cX3I2kD86LvAZJ_FU5pYbJP5NY1WdY9L4pdX-sojpSFpr0Z9q5hM-xKvmYuvrNRfZQBg/s1600-h/1044_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI7ZMTZ0HnLN5OFWoBWXPwgRtXDFPZt24dERkVXuwziI6K5eisaq8fd14bfAuT6LjFyr-Wwl9cX3I2kD86LvAZJ_FU5pYbJP5NY1WdY9L4pdX-sojpSFpr0Z9q5hM-xKvmYuvrNRfZQBg/s400/1044_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158535642824034" border="0" /></a>FANG! Back from the dead.. or, coming in to save this tract! Woo!<br /><br />God, doesn't the anteater know it's rude to pick its nose? And luckily it has a grain of common sense, most people realize the Rapture was a bunch of footnote AND THEN ALL THE BUILDINGS AND PEOPLE EXPLODE BOOOM!!! crap.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9XFzUKJNoB6jbivUcRD5jIcburaHcOpgs3uEetitnVvvgOc4uqfiI62c9BxIYCQXqWXNa25h1x44D0ud-oy6wSmi3O0NL70urwV73ioq1-DnDtqALmgHWA5dMKYwLHgs1CorAqG1BX6c/s1600-h/1044_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9XFzUKJNoB6jbivUcRD5jIcburaHcOpgs3uEetitnVvvgOc4uqfiI62c9BxIYCQXqWXNa25h1x44D0ud-oy6wSmi3O0NL70urwV73ioq1-DnDtqALmgHWA5dMKYwLHgs1CorAqG1BX6c/s400/1044_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158539937791346" border="0" /></a>That's a really, <span style="font-style: italic;">really </span>small town he lives in. Made mostly of barns.<br /><br />Prophecy Conference? What's there to confer about? Hasn't everyone heard that tired old story before?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3oahyphenhyphenb5oIUm2WAPkjPjAk6GYVd8vpykg4rBOTecl9Nkitf83qIUMilQJkGdKLby_C_esilIp6Xef8239n9M8MQ-WsLEwF9a0dfrn9OgHZmtE2MRpw7sn_cRFd-SY1aBtYeFyHvtE-f-M/s1600-h/1044_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3oahyphenhyphenb5oIUm2WAPkjPjAk6GYVd8vpykg4rBOTecl9Nkitf83qIUMilQJkGdKLby_C_esilIp6Xef8239n9M8MQ-WsLEwF9a0dfrn9OgHZmtE2MRpw7sn_cRFd-SY1aBtYeFyHvtE-f-M/s400/1044_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158170570603746" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oh my fucking god, not this again.</span> Russia is not (Magog). Let's check in at the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magog">Wikipedia page</a> for "Magog".<br /><p><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gog_and_Magog" title="Gog and Magog">Gog and Magog</a> are an ambiguous Biblical pair associated with apocalyptic prophecy, and are also mentioned in the Qur'an as <i>Yajooj</i> (Gog) and <i>Majooj</i> (Magog).</span></p> <p><span style="font-size:78%;"><b>Magog</b> can also refer to:</span></p> <ul><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magog_%28Bible%29" title="Magog (Bible)">Magog (Bible)</a>, grandson of Noah in the Book of Genesis</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magog%2C_Quebec" title="Magog, Quebec">Magog, Quebec</a>, a town in Canada.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magog_%28Andromeda%29" title="Magog (Andromeda)">Magog (Andromeda)</a>, a fictional race in the television series <i>Andromeda</i></span></li><li><span style="font-size:78%;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magog_%28comics%29" title="Magog (comics)">Magog (comics)</a>, anti-hero in DC Comics' <i>Kingdom Come</i> miniseries</span></li></ul>The <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gog_and_Magog">main article</a> for Gog and Magog is a bunch of twisted loopy bullshit, but the point is that during the Cold War someone decided to say Russia was Magog. The Bible's authors weren't stupid, it seems that because it's so ambiguous that <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone </span>posing a general threat to anyone can fit right in. It's weird, it's almost chronological; whoever was the greatest danger during the time period was identified as Gog or Magog. It's all evangelical fundie Godvomit, and since Chick is a racist, mysogenistic, decaying bastard who still thinks it's the 1950s, it'll be Russia this time.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHkDBpMUfw37Hvyz748BX4B862j7kmDi5amtEzJvSs8CI_KAQkmNct4Qx2uEFODB2S6ax0bTPNMDBbwFGaGP9bs66LfhLlz2gHbuqIL88tiFzQaawa-rqcWQWV0fmaHw_6_5mDZoC_94c/s1600-h/1044_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHkDBpMUfw37Hvyz748BX4B862j7kmDi5amtEzJvSs8CI_KAQkmNct4Qx2uEFODB2S6ax0bTPNMDBbwFGaGP9bs66LfhLlz2gHbuqIL88tiFzQaawa-rqcWQWV0fmaHw_6_5mDZoC_94c/s400/1044_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158174865571058" border="0" /></a>There's no mention of the US in the Bible because it didn't exist until 1776, simple as that. It was written in the times, for the times, and anyone who says it is timeless and unchanging is a gullible liar.<br /><br />Oooh, okay. I guess we're throwing chauvinist into the mix too. I kind of don't get this, is Chick the froggy guy in the turtleneck or Commander Grim? Is he both? Is he just omnipresent? Or is he just pulling this out of his ass? Huh, guess which.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7kkWrm0xqzlpKn72E9Gi5JCO87NNILUM5lkTVYo8MoX8GEe91it0PkfaS4HJzi0ClXSZPhM4b6mvnrqKgldrFd71B_dCxQN4FMwq6OxzbuAqCwnVpFN5woAmMI4VU4xqryU4IIykehhg/s1600-h/1044_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7kkWrm0xqzlpKn72E9Gi5JCO87NNILUM5lkTVYo8MoX8GEe91it0PkfaS4HJzi0ClXSZPhM4b6mvnrqKgldrFd71B_dCxQN4FMwq6OxzbuAqCwnVpFN5woAmMI4VU4xqryU4IIykehhg/s400/1044_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158179160538370" border="0" /></a>Waaah, boo hoo. Just because the government doesn't endorse Christianity, doesn't mean you can't. That's what Amendment Numero Uno is for. Oh, sorry, that sounded Spanish, and everyone knows Spanish is <span style="font-style: italic;">eeevil. </span>Amendment number one, for all you raving xenophobes who take this garbage seriously. OH NO! Anything but <span style="font-style: italic;">new laws! </span>You know, the 14th-16th amendments were "<span style="font-style: italic;">new laws</span>" once.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGggKV_6ULR2_YleZxlzCztbllcIrA2g634zwZIyBMz7vpPWGWX7zU1uka-WDtwlHHZmEZagNMw_AiC486fVhQosTwXSK83gDGdvBoGpevgS00K3sKPXTazHCOV56wj_F4RWu_Hz2ch7o/s1600-h/1044_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGggKV_6ULR2_YleZxlzCztbllcIrA2g634zwZIyBMz7vpPWGWX7zU1uka-WDtwlHHZmEZagNMw_AiC486fVhQosTwXSK83gDGdvBoGpevgS00K3sKPXTazHCOV56wj_F4RWu_Hz2ch7o/s400/1044_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158179160538386" border="0" /></a>Who. Fucking. Cares? This was all written down years after Jesus' death/resurrection/whatever, and was ancient by the time it was written down. Next panel please.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyzUlXzmcG2wYl7wyB33wFRaBBCMa74aruO3vOi2AMmhLPMbHnglpe-EjA7u13mHumdnUB4vu0JTDOI9A6ChohVX7bVnSGvyO1P6GzXgORUB3azgLGxIIJmS4YTuAO9DseVmR3vrt05XY/s1600-h/1044_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyzUlXzmcG2wYl7wyB33wFRaBBCMa74aruO3vOi2AMmhLPMbHnglpe-EjA7u13mHumdnUB4vu0JTDOI9A6ChohVX7bVnSGvyO1P6GzXgORUB3azgLGxIIJmS4YTuAO9DseVmR3vrt05XY/s400/1044_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129158183455505698" border="0" /></a>Why can't your "blessed hope" be that <span style="font-style: italic;">everyone </span>converts to Christianity during the Rapture? Wouldn't that be more charitable? Oooh, forgot what religion we're talking about.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0q3D56c5xh3ojAg0VFgstLEAExR7s_kwqXCUUIVtzga6tHCXC3jjlH4d_j1VaATxccowa4a8PFrgncjd2wkJzIJsKQxl9RooWHopDsUbTLyPZ0EilocMybJ_d7l84kqt1K876d1J_a9Q/s1600-h/1044_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0q3D56c5xh3ojAg0VFgstLEAExR7s_kwqXCUUIVtzga6tHCXC3jjlH4d_j1VaATxccowa4a8PFrgncjd2wkJzIJsKQxl9RooWHopDsUbTLyPZ0EilocMybJ_d7l84kqt1K876d1J_a9Q/s400/1044_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129157779728579730" border="0" /></a>Yeah, three weeks. Okay. So why is Jesus not descending from heaven with a shout?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">And then.... </span></span>all the people who were supposed to be in heaven already go to heaven. What?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFID9hHXSadsqG_RI3bE92wBgj0aMWOgZKxF-eLQKkkoCoOreMnsHeXq7U6Hn0OEK6yFoiRI_YAyslPuSkvBbDU8SY8dgIc776chBMJrCppFQZEnu7iZ9BZzLqNQYukHJ8QCW0VqctIbc/s1600-h/1044_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFID9hHXSadsqG_RI3bE92wBgj0aMWOgZKxF-eLQKkkoCoOreMnsHeXq7U6Hn0OEK6yFoiRI_YAyslPuSkvBbDU8SY8dgIc776chBMJrCppFQZEnu7iZ9BZzLqNQYukHJ8QCW0VqctIbc/s400/1044_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129157784023547042" border="0" /></a>Oh noes, infidels in bulky sweatpants! Worshiping someone named Allahu!<br /><br />So, the magic words are "Lord, I'm ready"? Cool. When the rapture rolls around, like it has been rolling around for the past couple of thousand years, that'll save me from the scimitar-wielding A-rabs. God is also a nudist.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivJGXwCcqkYESQ_K-bwSXwGksHHPivnIZXBOx7vm1Gt3GryDzDCprrj1_lcQmyraq01CPD-cV2O_leNsgUpYwdfcGZNpkDq9-aPFn19xS9nY4L4tOZf24rT-tbS9LJ9tyUE4vCCvjP7RA/s1600-h/1044_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivJGXwCcqkYESQ_K-bwSXwGksHHPivnIZXBOx7vm1Gt3GryDzDCprrj1_lcQmyraq01CPD-cV2O_leNsgUpYwdfcGZNpkDq9-aPFn19xS9nY4L4tOZf24rT-tbS9LJ9tyUE4vCCvjP7RA/s400/1044_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129157788318514354" border="0" /></a>Lo, blessed sperms, return to me!<br /><br />I got your proof of evolution right here. These strange chimp-like creatures seem to have human offspring. That's not what the theory says, but can I have my million dollars now, Mr. Hovind?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1fa5lichmNCrDCX-Wk1NzHMTZ6TfgveuVMXqufzkYO-o7G-9UGuLpiW9xnFuZV3SqdhrGcvD1XKJaQa9MthQ5BZNRssLKgHQ9EwlH_xcCgjh_O4cmrsksLbiUWAJjjELMuB9lBJZVTpg/s1600-h/1044_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1fa5lichmNCrDCX-Wk1NzHMTZ6TfgveuVMXqufzkYO-o7G-9UGuLpiW9xnFuZV3SqdhrGcvD1XKJaQa9MthQ5BZNRssLKgHQ9EwlH_xcCgjh_O4cmrsksLbiUWAJjjELMuB9lBJZVTpg/s400/1044_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129157788318514370" border="0" /></a>He'll meet you in the air kinda buy the tire store around sixish to give you your "salvation".<br /><br />Yeah yeah yeah! I didn't know they were such U2 fans. I can feeeEEEeeeel...... feeEeeeell... yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeaaaaah!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKOEgIPOl7quGpas1dGd1jbK064T4gY8YFgVK0McHOf36-PKZ4Rc1y9Pz5YXtoo5cYDlPtEaY9fHsSx4QiuF8HOZScJHFvrIZxKKLnAR2G2MjJpQxK9vpRTOlk9GKGuHjwaYWK-226Wsk/s1600-h/enKJV.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKOEgIPOl7quGpas1dGd1jbK064T4gY8YFgVK0McHOf36-PKZ4Rc1y9Pz5YXtoo5cYDlPtEaY9fHsSx4QiuF8HOZScJHFvrIZxKKLnAR2G2MjJpQxK9vpRTOlk9GKGuHjwaYWK-226Wsk/s400/enKJV.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5129157792613481682" border="0" /></a>Uh, alrighty then. All those months of work... went into that.... is Chick just pissing away the time until he dies by drawing as many of these as he can? Quantity over quality type thing? Kind of a crossword-a-day thing?Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-1521495366332245132007-10-20T01:22:00.000-05:002007-10-20T19:01:33.163-05:00Attack of the Gay StrawmenAhh!<br />Good to be back. Nice and rested and ready to tackle Chick's Christofascist bullshittery.<br />I hope you guys like the new color scheme and title banner and stuff; I've had some time to revise them and, uh, uncrappify them. I like them this way, but your thoughts are more than welcome on this!<br /><br />Today I bring you a 22-page gay stereotype that seems lost in the transition from Bronze Age fairytale to 21st Century fairytale.<br /><br />Even Fred Carter's art won't save this thing from being a piece of shit.<br />------<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbmKCIafi93zsCy1Tol5wdlQumN2gYsiXdBBKgqtHhru51gy6F2PYql6x2PTstIR6jfuKxF0B8lZDLkWlac0-Zi5twqVn_5C63lx9naOttWTTfPgyPwPN6RTQ1pvq8WJxbFPlLCtewcTc/s1600-h/0273_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbmKCIafi93zsCy1Tol5wdlQumN2gYsiXdBBKgqtHhru51gy6F2PYql6x2PTstIR6jfuKxF0B8lZDLkWlac0-Zi5twqVn_5C63lx9naOttWTTfPgyPwPN6RTQ1pvq8WJxbFPlLCtewcTc/s400/0273_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303665116694690" border="0" /></a>Oh no! That giant skull is about to fall on that innocent city made of sawtooth polygons! Look at that thick yellow gas plume. That is what Jack Chick sees out his bunker window when he bothers to look out every three years.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheVYnGYVzMNoitfLK727Aq4ePT1xX6tBYfEncd3-zvjU-p4fIox6x5T0wQvTWRF7BmDGnP-fk3Z5wILaPm2rlwBRaxUBGQ-Qj_cgGZOW6B3o58gz5uoOiHZMGXGqQNPv5EKxaq1KqvcKg/s1600-h/0273_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheVYnGYVzMNoitfLK727Aq4ePT1xX6tBYfEncd3-zvjU-p4fIox6x5T0wQvTWRF7BmDGnP-fk3Z5wILaPm2rlwBRaxUBGQ-Qj_cgGZOW6B3o58gz5uoOiHZMGXGqQNPv5EKxaq1KqvcKg/s400/0273_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303669411662002" border="0" /></a>Oh, fair enough. "AIDS: What You Haven't Been Told" sounds like a pretty unbiased source! Especially on gay affairs. Because AIDS is caused by The Gay.<br /><br />Still, strange cone-haired woman, there is another reason why they will not be called "sissies", and that reason is that it's not 1956 anymore. Besides the cheap-shot caricatures, I completely agree with the sign, "Hate is not a family value". Apparently, Chick disagrees.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDLMGTuuz95iX7z1-k44pvJUxQQFXOBbToiKTqM120tFujq_qujLR7JXVEErSuFngwXmYJX9OuaSWhAkmNrmhFpbBfF09I4gvbpFbvr3zkxyUDUIf4d3Qbrm6NN01vGBCvc_BzOnirocU/s1600-h/0273_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDLMGTuuz95iX7z1-k44pvJUxQQFXOBbToiKTqM120tFujq_qujLR7JXVEErSuFngwXmYJX9OuaSWhAkmNrmhFpbBfF09I4gvbpFbvr3zkxyUDUIf4d3Qbrm6NN01vGBCvc_BzOnirocU/s400/0273_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303673706629314" border="0" /></a>Aaaand now "AIDS: What You Haven't Been Told" has become simply "AIDS Video". Way to go that extra mile for quality work, Jack.<br /><br />Everyone, watch out! If a "certain level" of AIDS funding (no, not AIDS prevention/cure/research funding, mind you, AIDS funding) isn't reached by a "certain date", they'll resort to <span style="font-style: italic;">giving blood. </span>Next thing you know they'll be building orphanages, feeding the homeless and volunteering for Meals on Wheels! NOOOO! <span style="font-weight: bold;">NOT SOCIETAL GOOD! ANYTHING BUT IMPROVING THE COMMUNITY!!! ESPECIALLY OUT OF GOODWILL AND NOT A DESIRE FOR SOME POST-MORTEM GOODIE BAG!</span><br /><br />See, back in '59 when Chick gave up all forms of socialization and the outside world to live in his grotto, the blood-screening technology that detects infections did not exist. Since this is what Jack imagines <span style="font-style: italic;font-family:times new roman;" >The Future</span> to be like (wait for it, he probably thinks the hovercar has been invented by now), weird haircuts and militant gays and all, there will be some discrepancies between Reality!!!!1 and, erm, reality. Which is why this seems completely plausible to him.<br /><br />And quick check, how is this supposed to lead someone to Christ?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghYBdUG9alKQnpnjgGLWMY_h0_MTtRF0Gh1F7CIbpxupyLtd5tbfM6x0TEiiHI4bo8CwRCVl5l_uPV9U0IHh5kW_9g-gcCC7je4JfR8Fe80b8Eb323wHHt7XUOlfW5JizLVTqgSEVdP38/s1600-h/0273_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghYBdUG9alKQnpnjgGLWMY_h0_MTtRF0Gh1F7CIbpxupyLtd5tbfM6x0TEiiHI4bo8CwRCVl5l_uPV9U0IHh5kW_9g-gcCC7je4JfR8Fe80b8Eb323wHHt7XUOlfW5JizLVTqgSEVdP38/s400/0273_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303420303558738" border="0" /></a>Oooh! <span style="font-style: italic;">The Videocameras of the Future! </span>They're still bulky, unwieldy and require extensive weight training; but <span style="font-style: italic;">they have slits on the backs for ventilation. </span>Truly, a leap in human ingenuity. The limitless imagination of the mind never ceases to amaze.<br /><br />And I guess "Charlie" is supposed to be Carter's version of Uncle Mike. With rape in his eyes.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5SPhPh9nxDAVpbP6TXBXtpJwhwhe2AOYKdyQzOHc4D0QOkoWq-n6ughyphenhyphenGmRa6YJ8KqsvualqSvqgFl8M7UHBac6VqiN4EEwr0YLBDbrl8CDU-MeDBPqRueTmvPylPM0E9QVYXWwQF9Tk/s1600-h/0273_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5SPhPh9nxDAVpbP6TXBXtpJwhwhe2AOYKdyQzOHc4D0QOkoWq-n6ughyphenhyphenGmRa6YJ8KqsvualqSvqgFl8M7UHBac6VqiN4EEwr0YLBDbrl8CDU-MeDBPqRueTmvPylPM0E9QVYXWwQF9Tk/s400/0273_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303424598526050" border="0" /></a>Hahaha, me too, random homosexual. I don't want to hear it either, but now that you've poked the mountain lion we'll hear this anyway.<br /><br />... Note that Charlie was not actually filming that rally. He was just... there.... for some reason. No comment on the... the... what would you call something like that? Weird bondage earring taxidriver muttonchop man thing?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMLm_joZYe7MqzH1-MXJDGcGzFGxulyc9aIW3bR4Kz-1nYGFye15MapCt_e1WlewrOum7kgRojimJH5V0SOE8vUErLe95eY4Dgk26-5tp0X2KCrgin9pQU5ZWv2iLDZZJO-CQVxeM1UYc/s1600-h/0273_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMLm_joZYe7MqzH1-MXJDGcGzFGxulyc9aIW3bR4Kz-1nYGFye15MapCt_e1WlewrOum7kgRojimJH5V0SOE8vUErLe95eY4Dgk26-5tp0X2KCrgin9pQU5ZWv2iLDZZJO-CQVxeM1UYc/s400/0273_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303428893493362" border="0" /></a>Is this the Abraham that was supposed to sacrifice his son to God for no real reason, then God was all, "hehe, just kidding, guy, <span style="font-weight: bold;">don't kill your own kid.</span>"? Probably. But why the mugshots? He didn't actually kill his son.<br /><br />Wait, why do Abraham and Lot have their own herdsmen? Who cares who herds around which cows? It's the same damn land. Oh. Whoa, forgot this was the Bronze age for a second. Back when people were singleminded simpletons that did what voices in their heads told them to unquestioningly.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTspkGRAiasVFOddrbidm7PLRzAsggp-c1js9JYfLNA_kSn_QWKePWv-nLqMmu8aEwQEo1N69Em8O0mwp6YP45AwVEAlEVelEAi7xq7G1oVg1gvEswj8VnnhK4X2rIYb44QrzLyDHIsvc/s1600-h/0273_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTspkGRAiasVFOddrbidm7PLRzAsggp-c1js9JYfLNA_kSn_QWKePWv-nLqMmu8aEwQEo1N69Em8O0mwp6YP45AwVEAlEVelEAi7xq7G1oVg1gvEswj8VnnhK4X2rIYb44QrzLyDHIsvc/s400/0273_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303428893493378" border="0" /></a>Well, if it's whatever land he wanted and he picked the land he wanted, what's the problem? Besides the radiocatively monstrous gila lizards roaming the dirt waiting to devour them, of course. If Abraham had the Plains of Jordan, would that make him greedy too?<br /><br />He didn't know he chose to live in <span style="font-weight: bold;">Doom Town </span>because he was unaware that miles and miles of land could only have one city in them.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3NFAtUletFA-tgt5B0kUkxFuwoEFtcZeSiDyixrSrELHDFoVQvGQLesffn12L8qamKNE7zrKbSwbb-46Yi2CD1AS9_3-_nOXU7FR9q89ktFnZtKACBfnzZd_jukuUhdqhGY7RcRWddmk/s1600-h/0273_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3NFAtUletFA-tgt5B0kUkxFuwoEFtcZeSiDyixrSrELHDFoVQvGQLesffn12L8qamKNE7zrKbSwbb-46Yi2CD1AS9_3-_nOXU7FR9q89ktFnZtKACBfnzZd_jukuUhdqhGY7RcRWddmk/s400/0273_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303433188460690" border="0" /></a>Yeah, measuring out 2x4s serves God. Please, please tell me how.<br /><br />Of course it was the worst mistake he ever made, he just aged about 30 years. And apparently his health is failing, and he spends his days looking at shiny things now.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkiqT38WiBBQJydxRlTrTnbFmy6xA7nBBOQG6yzZhl6JDuV7-d6ZueOHMfXzLa3SfV_GVApmh52XlAmAfI3Ui509yhbcYbmf6Z1-eMEGrPBmXOaR2wAvoTE_qkFXJm4TYyPUUCbFd6aXk/s1600-h/0273_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkiqT38WiBBQJydxRlTrTnbFmy6xA7nBBOQG6yzZhl6JDuV7-d6ZueOHMfXzLa3SfV_GVApmh52XlAmAfI3Ui509yhbcYbmf6Z1-eMEGrPBmXOaR2wAvoTE_qkFXJm4TYyPUUCbFd6aXk/s400/0273_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303093886044162" border="0" /></a>Chick and Carter relished drawing this panel. Just look at that scene-stealing man-on-man action. Beats me why they'd spend so much time illustrating passionate kisses between the freakiest one-size-fits-most stereotypes I'd ever seen, but let's divert our gaze to the background.<br /><br />..... That was hard, wasn't it. Anyway, good of chick to include the fairies on the back of these guys' cloaks. I don't know why he'd put in the semiclothed child though.... is that even legal?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFM6Dp7tjkQop4D0BgiVOfXnTGx70bwF8qSvVMNkl8v1uSX0mmsX5ZYmrdvZDLxOfN756blFO-cmLhaf3AGcR7bigcHIb-vaouJ77AiGzMVe8AOqRK3fZ3IyyqgJwp5HILZK-p8p19dSw/s1600-h/0273_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFM6Dp7tjkQop4D0BgiVOfXnTGx70bwF8qSvVMNkl8v1uSX0mmsX5ZYmrdvZDLxOfN756blFO-cmLhaf3AGcR7bigcHIb-vaouJ77AiGzMVe8AOqRK3fZ3IyyqgJwp5HILZK-p8p19dSw/s400/0273_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303098181011474" border="0" /></a>Then move, dumbass.<br /><br />Um, I have yet to see or hear a homosexual talk about their partners as "wives". And all these steamy makeout scenes are creeping me out.<br /><br />Augh augh augh, ook ook! It's that time again. -poop fling-<br /><br />Ignoring the stupid, stupid implications of this (that all gays are effeminate, and molest children). Come on guys, massive group eyeroll, and let's move on.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhviLlLfyng946EoNnCGY_qTNy4xi8VLa2ShBqpLksteKLrHPfC8Eq8ec4mXxwf_2uipFS0YxRwjsbE0-SNEifmk4WhHaesNYxs7RjnaBjWCd2LQQwsvPRGDjXXyRHBxj6-QY-NJhWG9UA/s1600-h/0273_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhviLlLfyng946EoNnCGY_qTNy4xi8VLa2ShBqpLksteKLrHPfC8Eq8ec4mXxwf_2uipFS0YxRwjsbE0-SNEifmk4WhHaesNYxs7RjnaBjWCd2LQQwsvPRGDjXXyRHBxj6-QY-NJhWG9UA/s400/0273_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303102475978786" border="0" /></a>Wait, wait, wait. Nowhere in the bible does God actually physically come to anyone's house for any reason. So, bullshit.<br /><br />So, going on that logic, I don't think that blurry washerwoman is in charge of destroying Sodom. Abe's vision must not be too good these days.<br />Isn't 50 just such a weird number? Considering there are only what, 9 other people in Sodom, of course he's not gonna find 50. Quitter.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDjeyhXfxJSWMoqkwk-bIoCCv8PFxhZxKzTEqQ8X5DzhZxiiXTerPSG_72mdny6HFZz5i2MqmxkHMrOSNPaWx7bbxlYbYAWkcu-SAxl04WSqpufEhwJX5ohQwRKEqsfsHWIixk40nar3k/s1600-h/0273_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDjeyhXfxJSWMoqkwk-bIoCCv8PFxhZxKzTEqQ8X5DzhZxiiXTerPSG_72mdny6HFZz5i2MqmxkHMrOSNPaWx7bbxlYbYAWkcu-SAxl04WSqpufEhwJX5ohQwRKEqsfsHWIixk40nar3k/s400/0273_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303106770946098" border="0" /></a>That's right, there were only 9 people <span style="font-style: italic;">total </span>in the whole city. Is this some weird Abraham Cataract-o-Vision?<br /><br />"Yeeeeees, gentlemen. Come, join me in my lair....."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh77U5HGy_QNg2RUa9YL9gX7rev5S6CbhGT2kFuaOyrvI8L9KoPPhwkYkK7W0Hn1iJFqbzE_kcVbIb5v377oY9mSq0rNP4Fok1R90WGB1-B18I4cMXv4MA9vRWETzqog0oGdcG0HqW6zlo/s1600-h/0273_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh77U5HGy_QNg2RUa9YL9gX7rev5S6CbhGT2kFuaOyrvI8L9KoPPhwkYkK7W0Hn1iJFqbzE_kcVbIb5v377oY9mSq0rNP4Fok1R90WGB1-B18I4cMXv4MA9vRWETzqog0oGdcG0HqW6zlo/s400/0273_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123303111065913410" border="0" /></a>No, Lot didn't move them, they invited themselves over for the night. It may've been more convenient if they, um, went back to being angels and spent the night in heaven so they wouldn't be a burden.... guess not.<br /><br />I don't know why he has a Labrador puppy. I also don't remember when Party became a euphemism for Rape. And it's the return of Elvis Gay!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGEADdtP171kRQkQoiHdEoXRpAA-3vVwVQqWVFmSkI3UssDit-TW_syMzqJTzIT4bqsWTMH_Tjp64lZuXKQhip0Dq4jxEjs6GOH9zIVBlhy4zHB9fycHZ1RMp1n5IeoN7gKHKUAVQzsnc/s1600-h/0273_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGEADdtP171kRQkQoiHdEoXRpAA-3vVwVQqWVFmSkI3UssDit-TW_syMzqJTzIT4bqsWTMH_Tjp64lZuXKQhip0Dq4jxEjs6GOH9zIVBlhy4zHB9fycHZ1RMp1n5IeoN7gKHKUAVQzsnc/s400/0273_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123302604259772338" border="0" /></a>"Take my virgin daughters instead!" Rot in hellfire, you tapioca-faced misogynistic ass. Tip of the day: When you're trying to keep angels from getting it in the ass, don't look like you're getting it instead.<br /><br />And this ladies and gents, is the missing link between ape and human. How nice of Chick to provide us with him.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHkz0l4qbxOfi9QwYJniygu5b6Uic2Hm7hoZc1ZyVDnt-PI0SICoInptQH24txpncbSw0Nk9xF4yjSUsS3WpBraTzO2CGBQ4Y0X33pma0xW5k-7Btmnb34vdogWjWz7Jxoew6WzZA80M/s1600-h/0273_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglHkz0l4qbxOfi9QwYJniygu5b6Uic2Hm7hoZc1ZyVDnt-PI0SICoInptQH24txpncbSw0Nk9xF4yjSUsS3WpBraTzO2CGBQ4Y0X33pma0xW5k-7Btmnb34vdogWjWz7Jxoew6WzZA80M/s400/0273_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123302608554739650" border="0" /></a>You can just tell Chick is hot for this.<br />"... swearing, clawing perverts lunged for him... oh yeah.... with their smooth muscles, toned bodies.. all oiled up..."<br /><br />The angels pulled Lot inside and.....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJEN7hYKs3CcRGWcbPjJhJ-FpKtj8zHYt49LxFPYWkfxtYTTwQV_JzYmAFDawjNnPyGlVjUerqZC4fIjNmbDT7Ub6WJ_A7rbaLSQiZdIGqA5_lvuYpdanQ2KvfqEDKUfEtYGhAmSJOZE/s1600-h/0273_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicJEN7hYKs3CcRGWcbPjJhJ-FpKtj8zHYt49LxFPYWkfxtYTTwQV_JzYmAFDawjNnPyGlVjUerqZC4fIjNmbDT7Ub6WJ_A7rbaLSQiZdIGqA5_lvuYpdanQ2KvfqEDKUfEtYGhAmSJOZE/s400/0273_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123302625734608850" border="0" /></a>... whipped Lot like the nasty worthless filth that he was, ooh yeah.<br /><br />No? Oh, okay. Well, at least they remain <span style="font-style: italic;">fabulous </span>when they're blinded.<br />The Sodomites sure weren't very determined rapists.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO0QpQmQhWFXVbBQjCs9-TWALeivGS7Wl2tsRPryrJRRiQpEAyebEg41PG-rAyDCsBljSOdofO5xmuosCiFkCeQn1tV6QZdjTen0oOrF6G5eHyUvJxo9eIhGRhTIk0WhJqTXxp-Gb29U8/s1600-h/0273_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO0QpQmQhWFXVbBQjCs9-TWALeivGS7Wl2tsRPryrJRRiQpEAyebEg41PG-rAyDCsBljSOdofO5xmuosCiFkCeQn1tV6QZdjTen0oOrF6G5eHyUvJxo9eIhGRhTIk0WhJqTXxp-Gb29U8/s400/0273_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123302634324543458" border="0" /></a>It's that time again, folks.<br /><br />This is fucking stupid. Why would he care if his daughters came with him? He just handed them over as rapefodder the second he was threatened. Now he's 'hesitating'. Fucking stupid.<br /><br />This just gets worse and worse, doesn't it! Lot's daughters don't look a day over 14.<br /><br />Then it happened..... Lot shat himself. He tried to keep it on the DL, but looks like his wife noticed the smell. Since she was not actually considered a person and thereby incapable of doing anything except having babies, she decided not to say anything.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZhI1VcUw7A0muDH75DB-XEzixMQJxpKypRsCgvHonTfJugPQ0ojla-bqukmxD0jiDpn36VsqLmRNj-4K5N1wjvgLvqV_YX6MT1QoKjQs1cBhyphenhyphentmZ9E9Y2x8TOgHUsypUOy0oQrxNRY3A/s1600-h/0273_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZhI1VcUw7A0muDH75DB-XEzixMQJxpKypRsCgvHonTfJugPQ0ojla-bqukmxD0jiDpn36VsqLmRNj-4K5N1wjvgLvqV_YX6MT1QoKjQs1cBhyphenhyphentmZ9E9Y2x8TOgHUsypUOy0oQrxNRY3A/s400/0273_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123302660094347250" border="0" /></a>Lovely.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">GOD DOESN'T PLAY GAMES! </span>He's dead serious, y'all! If he threatens to burn you the fuck alive because of your sex life, then by golly go to one of those stupid pray-the-gay-away camps.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ08BhaJ3-daborhfTGHNsONce356RNS7MXxVbNbrzLoks8rKa8htynDupaG3myR7DhK-Kpbu7BA7oZndnJ4sPpFsIa9VANXJHO4SX7K8_xCKZIL1zGDMUEyprDK6KFttdMO_9x4FsnNs/s1600-h/0273_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ08BhaJ3-daborhfTGHNsONce356RNS7MXxVbNbrzLoks8rKa8htynDupaG3myR7DhK-Kpbu7BA7oZndnJ4sPpFsIa9VANXJHO4SX7K8_xCKZIL1zGDMUEyprDK6KFttdMO_9x4FsnNs/s400/0273_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123301779626051426" border="0" /></a>Wow, god sure is intent on subjugating his creations. "Rebellion is witchcraft! Rarrrgh! Rarrgh rarrgh rarrgh! Slobberbite! Rabies!!!!"<br /><br />NO, NO, NO, YOU RETARD. THAT'S MOSES. <span style="font-weight: bold;">MO-SES. </span>NOT LEVITICUS. I don't see "Thou shalt not be gay" written on those stone tablets, do you? Oh, that's right, they're completely blank.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1yA7-skQRDhAOxfPWebC6V3kgEHzQhZp2Pm3IPbwHeyWG79nPpNPju0CD9Se3ihNU8663fYWXHCtb5AkkfsS5oGvQaLrDkHYB4ftA_enjgIiOYa-pg9R9HUdWzCiDliSGTfg06xk5d8/s1600-h/0273_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1yA7-skQRDhAOxfPWebC6V3kgEHzQhZp2Pm3IPbwHeyWG79nPpNPju0CD9Se3ihNU8663fYWXHCtb5AkkfsS5oGvQaLrDkHYB4ftA_enjgIiOYa-pg9R9HUdWzCiDliSGTfg06xk5d8/s400/0273_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123301792510953330" border="0" /></a>"Well, son, I stick my neck out like this because Fred Carter can't draw me in a decent pose. You see... I was born without a spine. As a result I always look stoic and noble. I mean, if you told me to wiggle my eyebrows right now, I couldn't do it to save my life. I don't know why I was drawn with animal lust in my eyes. Please don't look at me like I just grew an extra head."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi65UoufOHodOV3vb0JwXcv1qMJHxmZGK9eEk9e7sHo6Hxt4kCvLeo3Wcuj6X5GLAiW1IIqE_-7l_aCLu8i0zyGbkR2f6buAjklyLhmWDi00Os5xkNhyUQBsXYqszoGTfh7ge51CUsZDWE/s1600-h/0273_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi65UoufOHodOV3vb0JwXcv1qMJHxmZGK9eEk9e7sHo6Hxt4kCvLeo3Wcuj6X5GLAiW1IIqE_-7l_aCLu8i0zyGbkR2f6buAjklyLhmWDi00Os5xkNhyUQBsXYqszoGTfh7ge51CUsZDWE/s400/0273_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123301801100887938" border="0" /></a>No, God doesn't. You just explained what happened to the last batch of homosexuals god got into contact with. Burned alive, remember? Not set free. Engulfed in flames. Not "wanting to save them".<br /><br />And here's what gets me about the crucifixion. Do Christians not realize that it was the preferred method of execution by the Romans? Add in that Christianity was one of their favorite religions to persecute, and then you're left wondering why Jesus is so special. They loved torture and brutality for sport, so why would their executions be different? Jesus wasn't the only one who was crucified ever, and they didn't choose the most painful punishment for him just 'cause. That's just how they did it back then, historically.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDbytJBD_Nj97gisR-Nz0cuz1C7N1J70KDczX-pX69_PHcMVD83HU8h9-SowvfdHhSl0G6eFzgW8S253MxLZQKEM-y5NZtFZ-YToZ2iDili7EluNaThD7J6zFPyaMgO4Z5qpTYLVRC9IQ/s1600-h/0273_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDbytJBD_Nj97gisR-Nz0cuz1C7N1J70KDczX-pX69_PHcMVD83HU8h9-SowvfdHhSl0G6eFzgW8S253MxLZQKEM-y5NZtFZ-YToZ2iDili7EluNaThD7J6zFPyaMgO4Z5qpTYLVRC9IQ/s400/0273_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123301813985789842" border="0" /></a>His name is Sean? I'm glad we got to find that out in the penultimate panel set!<br />And Jesus won't cure Teh Ghey, by the way. So, get ready for a life of repression and misery enslaved to an imaginary being.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPT64eOKpJyuUwnJIY3dN3c2ceiTkEvJ767SCOYSBO7TQhyDVaq4U6OsC113saOJjZwOLrUPJ3Smqp3_OKU_2AkRxwBIRNiDLEPdki5cWtAQB3YpKpAx1rpq0Es__ORjc2U3-AeLSaxAM/s1600-h/enGeneral.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPT64eOKpJyuUwnJIY3dN3c2ceiTkEvJ767SCOYSBO7TQhyDVaq4U6OsC113saOJjZwOLrUPJ3Smqp3_OKU_2AkRxwBIRNiDLEPdki5cWtAQB3YpKpAx1rpq0Es__ORjc2U3-AeLSaxAM/s400/enGeneral.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5123301813985789858" border="0" /></a><br />So what have we learned from all this? Well, namely, that hate <span style="font-style: italic;">is </span>a family value in Chick's book, and that God's way of showing his love for gays is to set them aflame and let them die a painful death, then send them on to Hell, where this is repeated for eternity. Funny way of showing love, huh.<br /><br />And you know what happened after Lot fled Sodom? <a href="http://bythebookcomics.blogspot.com/2007/04/just-and-righteous-lot.html">His daughters schemed to have sex with him.</a>Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-22732984661819963872007-09-24T00:47:00.000-05:002007-09-24T20:31:48.956-05:00Ungodly OrphansI've got upwards of 600 views... I must have some lurkers about. Heheh.<br />Sorry this was such a long time coming, my laptop's wireless card is pretty fickle.<br /><br />Anyway, here's one of those subtly-racist tracts I mentioned last time. I'll admit, it'll be kind of hard to mock the art itself (this is one drawn by Fred Carter), but it's kind of obvious Chick was domineering this doomed ship... just pay attention to the ideas in it, you'll figure it out pretty quick. If you happen to be white, this tract will not make you love Jesus. If you happen to be black, however, keep reading and see if Chick's magic will work on you. Because he made it specifically for you. I'm sort of offended at how simplistic it is, too, but I'm reading too much into that.<br /><br />And one last thing... the <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1104/1104_01.asp">adapted version</a><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1104/1104_01.asp"> </a>of Allah Had No Son looks like a poorly photoshopped version of its <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0042/0042_01.asp">original</a>.<br />--<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj05reRJ_N_Q2LezlVtDPKdCTh-jdGFJt2SNdp93DyHjo-56ouagTSm3gpIr0surEmU9a90MbsAwz2wSU938kswVos3bTPQGgwiLgUSHE9ISalOmKuLifXTszDYAZZIa0Y0tqL3OTg5wgw/s1600-h/1107_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj05reRJ_N_Q2LezlVtDPKdCTh-jdGFJt2SNdp93DyHjo-56ouagTSm3gpIr0surEmU9a90MbsAwz2wSU938kswVos3bTPQGgwiLgUSHE9ISalOmKuLifXTszDYAZZIa0Y0tqL3OTg5wgw/s400/1107_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645473373931090" border="0" /></a>Oh, god. The zombie invasion is coming.... Billy the Kid's mummified hand clutching a noose in the middle of the Arizona desert... start stockpiling your clean underwear, people. I'll be in my underground bunker, as always.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7h36JXfbKmiqSUcMYOKF68ijVvS7wuI3BPuj9ZWsHxmrHOLoouutTksDFQ2CovDOjOzr5UYcVRzgy7b0yRHDOUqgdkFW7fDFLnjU0IkoTO7B_m6aR7k6NIff098pI9_LMjINHMaFuXvY/s1600-h/1107_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7h36JXfbKmiqSUcMYOKF68ijVvS7wuI3BPuj9ZWsHxmrHOLoouutTksDFQ2CovDOjOzr5UYcVRzgy7b0yRHDOUqgdkFW7fDFLnjU0IkoTO7B_m6aR7k6NIff098pI9_LMjINHMaFuXvY/s400/1107_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645477668898402" border="0" /></a>All have sinned. Basketball players, Jesus with short hair (<a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%2011:14">who knew</a>?), what looks like a single mother or an abortion patient or an 'immodest' woman, fat men with sticklike noses, pimps, hoes, and palsied kids listening to music and pretending to be a zombie are all led through the Valley of Flaming Toupees by a hairy man-goat (or typical Insane Clown Posse fan..)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvEZMsrIuhVbI2DPHBTK7e39_wHs5J1Z8howR_URTiD3FXubddMAdxr6fhxMT1b93woFtVA8aWi-1A3oAmA7Z20vwK6K_TINvOfR4yk-_PG-LGgwKsUNPlxMr3zo04IfvYxwHl4Xx-Cbs/s1600-h/1107_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvEZMsrIuhVbI2DPHBTK7e39_wHs5J1Z8howR_URTiD3FXubddMAdxr6fhxMT1b93woFtVA8aWi-1A3oAmA7Z20vwK6K_TINvOfR4yk-_PG-LGgwKsUNPlxMr3zo04IfvYxwHl4Xx-Cbs/s400/1107_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645305870206466" border="0" /></a>Muahahha! Suffer, pimps, hoes, single mothers and palsied children! Suffer!!!<br /><br />Oh, man, he's so excited. He must have found a quarter on the cliff in front of him.<br />And that quote is kind of unfortunate. It's kind of ironic that Jack follows a way which seemeth right unto a man....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAbRoBozmkIY59reRhcrbpmHnkSnOKFmZ_60btKBJozmpBR2oLRzzBNn2nLTC1VP2pKaPxiBNMCWb1xOm1KKXUYwQ5WwlZs2JYmySCv3n1uly4ZI530uDy3Kxpoppzsg0V62b7xAsiGKM/s1600-h/1107_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAbRoBozmkIY59reRhcrbpmHnkSnOKFmZ_60btKBJozmpBR2oLRzzBNn2nLTC1VP2pKaPxiBNMCWb1xOm1KKXUYwQ5WwlZs2JYmySCv3n1uly4ZI530uDy3Kxpoppzsg0V62b7xAsiGKM/s400/1107_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645305870206482" border="0" /></a>HAHAHAH, what? "In sin did my mother conceive me"? Er, okay, are there any other modes of conception that don't involve sin? Remember, kids: Godly people are immaculately conceived. All of them. Ask your parents where you came from, and if they say something other than "you poofed into existence via Jesus Magic", then you are a filthy, filthy sinner.<br /><br />All exalt the sentient baby! If you wave at him, he'll wave back!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ZFGpA9rkiq0DS9tMwKIqL4n-WSREbZNYFmVliwLfHh2MFebr4PQ-X2nhzCroC6XLS2N2fLrVfyValao7iEJdR35OX2eFyndGdS9RMv_lq4oqGukvW1OvQxBkrxjaUwSKfsErhb6V7gc/s1600-h/1107_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_ZFGpA9rkiq0DS9tMwKIqL4n-WSREbZNYFmVliwLfHh2MFebr4PQ-X2nhzCroC6XLS2N2fLrVfyValao7iEJdR35OX2eFyndGdS9RMv_lq4oqGukvW1OvQxBkrxjaUwSKfsErhb6V7gc/s400/1107_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645310165173794" border="0" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLFRtMmAwEaiqflYbvJqmYe2K_i5xwscE0RVSvk6f-4FXEFCiE-_TqK-6lyU-wpoPvpyRIt8RLkmeSOJmz8FOk4BDGGwLxgiws_Qzy7ez-khHjc50ICQPf6gcJ-QEKKkAW8DWEAtWOfB8/s1600-h/pan-s-labyrinth-el-laberinto-del-fauno-poster-1.jpg">I've seen this devil thing before</a>. How unoriginal. Except this one's not as benevolent, or interesting, as that movie.<br /><br />I don't get the random death quote though. Is death like having Pan trick you into bondage?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdwp6YBR0hhzA_NuIbmjmL1Uw5mfrUnZRPCyk7JteGCUBKrfBwglqlWwgueKTWgLYusLwa-sps4FC4gYcYIG3Khh_pwGcTQz_hVe5ZTyQBN_K9UlXhIS0iEKBPom4QYCh-D39LfnExO94/s1600-h/1107_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdwp6YBR0hhzA_NuIbmjmL1Uw5mfrUnZRPCyk7JteGCUBKrfBwglqlWwgueKTWgLYusLwa-sps4FC4gYcYIG3Khh_pwGcTQz_hVe5ZTyQBN_K9UlXhIS0iEKBPom4QYCh-D39LfnExO94/s400/1107_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645310165173810" border="0" /></a>Oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was a Chick tract, not an ass-backwards postmodern thing where the cow takes the people away. The people in this panel agree too, considering how hard they're vibrating. The little goat guy has to slick the ground down with crude oil and slide them, I suppose.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWraYNwpkXDyy7ouS95tF1fXIUBT6wuJ7LL_84zKcxFc6KaM1ZPbTe0C0so-TGoUeTEjSNvsiyEUWUXetLUAbhKdeU8TYY4Byykv8q_BTrykanQVeda25wuxYe4Hu6eMCWjp18ozef0rY/s1600-h/1107_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWraYNwpkXDyy7ouS95tF1fXIUBT6wuJ7LL_84zKcxFc6KaM1ZPbTe0C0so-TGoUeTEjSNvsiyEUWUXetLUAbhKdeU8TYY4Byykv8q_BTrykanQVeda25wuxYe4Hu6eMCWjp18ozef0rY/s400/1107_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645310165173826" border="0" /></a>-chuck- Off ya go, losers! Enjoy the hellfire! -toss- -smack- -thud- -sizzle- YAAAAA<br />So far I don't think any of this makes any sense. It's a big, simplified, misdirected metaphor. How is this supposed to convert people? Is the first thought that leaps to mind when you see people dumped into flames in front of their kid "AMEN JESUS!!!"? Again, with the suffering. I don't see how it's spreading around Godliness. I do see, however, that Jack Chick is a sadist.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdI6-x583tvvCju3BqVinRXIwj8FEI7IQB-dpB_pO9zPnYARQ8drlO-kubx7FBiNPO3F-T_eEdyGzHHeWKnNn33AgLikcmAAfvQ6WvpTXmbF76PlqOhh9lnVsae0Tb59PWMysJXUZ0Wh0/s1600-h/1107_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdI6-x583tvvCju3BqVinRXIwj8FEI7IQB-dpB_pO9zPnYARQ8drlO-kubx7FBiNPO3F-T_eEdyGzHHeWKnNn33AgLikcmAAfvQ6WvpTXmbF76PlqOhh9lnVsae0Tb59PWMysJXUZ0Wh0/s400/1107_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645061057070514" border="0" /></a>Isn't Gawd usually much taller than everyone else? Why does God imagine crying children with crucifixes behind them, like that's what they're crying about? What a self-important asshole. Can't he just conjure up some satisfaction because he's Almighty God and whatnot, without tormenting children? ..... haha, you knew the answer to that one; no.<br /><br />I find it very, very surprising that Chick doesn't have any qualms about portraying Jesus as black. It is closer to what he was though, middle eastern.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPXVnri-xuF700lXoBpUSCKcaBV1fTc5hU6y74RepTERh5D3oQHKtzHSMITLmoqrGdkFLnnDCIkwfEd-eaVkwX6I6h6NabgS7EXeFM_eAjAZP_nUpLQ8XCXsfQwpxr8IWxB6qF0Ab8pQQ/s1600-h/1107_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPXVnri-xuF700lXoBpUSCKcaBV1fTc5hU6y74RepTERh5D3oQHKtzHSMITLmoqrGdkFLnnDCIkwfEd-eaVkwX6I6h6NabgS7EXeFM_eAjAZP_nUpLQ8XCXsfQwpxr8IWxB6qF0Ab8pQQ/s400/1107_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645061057070530" border="0" /></a>"For God sent not a big black arrow into the sky to misdirect Jesus on his way down to the Great Ear-ish Moon, but that he would know where to go because his thoughts were preoccupied with the salvation of random kneeless children."<br /><br />I'm sorry, this just.... the..... Jesus seemed to have missed a step off the God Cloud.... "Bye, Jesus"... too much stimulus at one time.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEfnz3caG21uZPw8X2y0N4QFrWxAWNotvTL80zJbha2asagjC-nmXs202wXWTR79nwoLn3zWUfMWS7r1ieWbLdGWVYGrnpnyiV_XjygFJ0rqEo3b7PbE_g1bVsiThx1HtP-bwdVIPdRXo/s1600-h/1107_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEfnz3caG21uZPw8X2y0N4QFrWxAWNotvTL80zJbha2asagjC-nmXs202wXWTR79nwoLn3zWUfMWS7r1ieWbLdGWVYGrnpnyiV_XjygFJ0rqEo3b7PbE_g1bVsiThx1HtP-bwdVIPdRXo/s400/1107_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645065352037842" border="0" /></a>Bahaha! Pay the toll first, zombie Jesus! Pay the $5 to see the Wolf Child Rufus!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_HPR4h8q2SwBV4QSNtpGnIxyp74rfrBHgbelNuTuu5IsXU71WFpyP4SP7uBJPbZF7zgXv2oJAe0Da5rbbnIcFWlcUHibnS2AhjPrU7VJAjZGuElaBkG8-PiiwS2IrwwRsUjrmraBorAQ/s1600-h/1107_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_HPR4h8q2SwBV4QSNtpGnIxyp74rfrBHgbelNuTuu5IsXU71WFpyP4SP7uBJPbZF7zgXv2oJAe0Da5rbbnIcFWlcUHibnS2AhjPrU7VJAjZGuElaBkG8-PiiwS2IrwwRsUjrmraBorAQ/s400/1107_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645065352037858" border="0" /></a>"Hey, okay, how about this. You get to nail me to a big wooden T, I bleed profusely and die violently and painfully on a mountaintop, suffer as much as I can, and then I can have Wolf Child Rufus. Sound okay?"<br />"Dude, no. $5. What do I need your flayed corpse for? I mean, it's not going to be a guaranteed salvation thing, people can still reject you and stuff. I don't know why you didn't bother safeguarding your whole salvation theory to where there's no other option besides worshipping you, you are <span style="font-style: italic;">GOD</span>, but... well.... alright, I guess. You'll cheapen it by resurrecting, but... alright. More souls for me."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwImZBzZJWRkqGN9_9LOMDd13VztqapkQ4YEku9Sv6j2LHEzWQ3iYZmEexutDNAqaQ3SNE90ykMtaLJGeK7J-EWGBlb6Sx2b5I8VDCp9uTZaXhyphenhyphenzqfDqPXXk31FUtZKnAdnKdTHfyVv1c/s1600-h/1107_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwImZBzZJWRkqGN9_9LOMDd13VztqapkQ4YEku9Sv6j2LHEzWQ3iYZmEexutDNAqaQ3SNE90ykMtaLJGeK7J-EWGBlb6Sx2b5I8VDCp9uTZaXhyphenhyphenzqfDqPXXk31FUtZKnAdnKdTHfyVv1c/s400/1107_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113645069647005170" border="0" /></a>HAHAHAAHAHA! Oh, man, what is that, some spontaneous hair growth syndrome? Do you bleed hair or something? Weirdo! HAHAAH!<br /><br />Oh, great, the last thing that kid needs is to see more people die in front of him. That's good for his psychological well-being.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqTmf6qNIu0wtVysBYHYD2prcF_lw2iM4QI7QHMoVRZcpbn1fMQjBHnrFOU6IDsFEwAD6NgUYObUkUx4i0sigz1_O-TJFjXvG60ghuarcC_fBMN1Fo5sAX3M_XOc0RtxJPJkqiSmX9vDk/s1600-h/1107_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqTmf6qNIu0wtVysBYHYD2prcF_lw2iM4QI7QHMoVRZcpbn1fMQjBHnrFOU6IDsFEwAD6NgUYObUkUx4i0sigz1_O-TJFjXvG60ghuarcC_fBMN1Fo5sAX3M_XOc0RtxJPJkqiSmX9vDk/s400/1107_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644691689882978" border="0" /></a>And so Pan put him in a giant ceramic pot for three days and three nights, watching his body decay the whole time....<br /><br />HE IS RISEN! Pan shakes in his backward, bowlegged cleats! Who's your savior <span style="font-style: italic;">now, </span>bitch? Jesusman, Jesusman, doing the things that Jesus can.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2wg104qketCZm94jkqyICZwg5bLHH0buauAHXn-L_-1_d1LMo99pXNdjXyTKS11KdR1yfJQLe5u0QnB_s4_cYGVT6EQ_lrIIPU644RbFd0eQTeCKpsNT07iWu8fTl6nfjaUIkG4pEhlM/s1600-h/1107_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2wg104qketCZm94jkqyICZwg5bLHH0buauAHXn-L_-1_d1LMo99pXNdjXyTKS11KdR1yfJQLe5u0QnB_s4_cYGVT6EQ_lrIIPU644RbFd0eQTeCKpsNT07iWu8fTl6nfjaUIkG4pEhlM/s400/1107_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644695984850290" border="0" /></a>"Hey kid, remember that time I hung from thick rusted nails in my hands and bled all over the ground beneath me as I rotted in the hot sun? I..."<br /><br />"Please, mister, stop talking to me about this. It's scaring me."<br />"Aw, come on, it's a cool story! Really? You sure you don't want to hear it? Positive? Well, okay, I'll go have some guys write it down for me so you can read it later if you want. I'm gonna call it something catchy, like <span style="font-style: italic;">Hangin' Out</span>, or <span style="font-style: italic;">The Bible</span>, or T<span style="font-style: italic;">hat Time I Won a Bet and Saw Rufus the Wolf-Child</span>. Anyway, see ya. Enjoy your salvation."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt6FiBEkgUnXaIgvAG_IzDdIRq4DTl9fcWrBRt9RSGIZYExVKPy9zxjQVkqDLNKnjjCAvFWo9f2DpBoGq9JHxsnDgvd8-wTEj3_zykNXQBo4hqaA_pBuLVHBifPOHsGEFJowDM6pP8ORo/s1600-h/1107_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt6FiBEkgUnXaIgvAG_IzDdIRq4DTl9fcWrBRt9RSGIZYExVKPy9zxjQVkqDLNKnjjCAvFWo9f2DpBoGq9JHxsnDgvd8-wTEj3_zykNXQBo4hqaA_pBuLVHBifPOHsGEFJowDM6pP8ORo/s400/1107_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644695984850306" border="0" /></a>Hey! You! Wing Guy! Yeah, you! Get away from Rufus! Jesus won him first! You can't steal him! You didn't earn him!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-WNsHq5uUEkqNpI4Ri-dpkb9PANojvyT6bYjEVXtyp-0pu6BnpiHXvRN_BFpjUO0Hu6shCSaFu9QQ7V-gzp_bc12N8nPWyidDrfRoCaf-TvXTzvCtHXKu2hOroeNECCJrRQ6RXH2FSe8/s1600-h/1107_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-WNsHq5uUEkqNpI4Ri-dpkb9PANojvyT6bYjEVXtyp-0pu6BnpiHXvRN_BFpjUO0Hu6shCSaFu9QQ7V-gzp_bc12N8nPWyidDrfRoCaf-TvXTzvCtHXKu2hOroeNECCJrRQ6RXH2FSe8/s400/1107_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644695984850322" border="0" /></a> .... Jesus was also opposed to decent grammar. I don't remember that part of the bible, but I think something in there said education was important. Apparently King James didn't bother reading it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhItiakeMz0xSBmxQFyjz0A2pIs7F9kBFxSEklTrSRFPr24cSxpm0C_clinmw9mh__APyD6DElj_irRg1yOMM35ewF4fRC8J3vktr-w_DxdVt8-G7rzGqf-hpMqUw7otE-Hm5T1Zppg5TY/s1600-h/1107_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhItiakeMz0xSBmxQFyjz0A2pIs7F9kBFxSEklTrSRFPr24cSxpm0C_clinmw9mh__APyD6DElj_irRg1yOMM35ewF4fRC8J3vktr-w_DxdVt8-G7rzGqf-hpMqUw7otE-Hm5T1Zppg5TY/s400/1107_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644700279817634" border="0" /></a>And they ascended at a funny angle into a large, weightless vat of cottage cheese, and the little boy ran to <a href="http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Anonymous">Anonymous</a>. Legal proceedings will follow.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZ5xRiCKtjDsMu2Zqyb67T6kiVneVdT7OJ0IBIDPRPXj12Nc7K5x5Dyp3CG-2P-SyIbIzMbtHf7S8QjLpYhaNzAJhFJ24OqTVQ1rj4LKOEWrcmvqbtZ1WeLcu3GiKK19xKAGGoSmnzPI/s1600-h/1107_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpZ5xRiCKtjDsMu2Zqyb67T6kiVneVdT7OJ0IBIDPRPXj12Nc7K5x5Dyp3CG-2P-SyIbIzMbtHf7S8QjLpYhaNzAJhFJ24OqTVQ1rj4LKOEWrcmvqbtZ1WeLcu3GiKK19xKAGGoSmnzPI/s400/1107_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644279373022482" border="0" /></a>Now it's a stereotypical hat-wearing...er... Macedonian, burka-wearer, Chinese man with SARS, and a fat white guy. I had no idea Chick was so xenophobic. Has he ever seen someone foreign that wasn't wearing traditional dress, or anyone who was alive later than the 18th century?<br /><br />And Jesus is sandwiched there kind of awkwardly. "YOU GUYS? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME? GUYS! LISTEN TO ME! IT'S A COOL BAR STORY! WAIT!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvr1lEPvLNRJq9gK-dPauj-0y1f8cY1XjA8UmwWU8KmSh05k2gBlqxp-_6VuB-MbEx2ypmDk8L2ibj4cD0zkn9unLe01D73os75TRPcplRtXvmySY6oGCG7sXM4PrIUifKyoI8pT5mvc/s1600-h/1107_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitvr1lEPvLNRJq9gK-dPauj-0y1f8cY1XjA8UmwWU8KmSh05k2gBlqxp-_6VuB-MbEx2ypmDk8L2ibj4cD0zkn9unLe01D73os75TRPcplRtXvmySY6oGCG7sXM4PrIUifKyoI8pT5mvc/s400/1107_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644279373022498" border="0" /></a>....Aaaaand Jesus swoops in only to save the black little girl. Mongorians, freaky mustached Eastern Europeans, muslims and creepy-ass boy scouts in their 30s can go to hell.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvnaaux3dUj5k7SA70U5pcq_B917CweEHimA-Oa2EpkBldLGy9cNfO_yakTYtAZGa0L104WmqlLH4faqKW7kVUkxTu1z4Zi-vgIg46y7w-VTJ_axV1VwZwoE6fqKZc7MJknKzWoABgXXI/s1600-h/1107_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvnaaux3dUj5k7SA70U5pcq_B917CweEHimA-Oa2EpkBldLGy9cNfO_yakTYtAZGa0L104WmqlLH4faqKW7kVUkxTu1z4Zi-vgIg46y7w-VTJ_axV1VwZwoE6fqKZc7MJknKzWoABgXXI/s400/1107_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644283667989810" border="0" /></a>Extend-O-Rope! The Rope that Extends! (tm) This offer is not available in stores, order now and receive the Eastern European Headshrinker as a free bonus to YOU!!! $19.99 +S&H.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEQEYWJC-1OxOEAR-CuUXNsmgFBxkkH53KyrmPr5ue5ScKE7juE851S2QBMtdUQKMe73VxjMiAmXdEpkM_TRVpqSO3uxsqCBYZsw-FqhYenMbx2iVkhsbB9INGrBOtTZg08XDqse9dedg/s1600-h/1107_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEQEYWJC-1OxOEAR-CuUXNsmgFBxkkH53KyrmPr5ue5ScKE7juE851S2QBMtdUQKMe73VxjMiAmXdEpkM_TRVpqSO3uxsqCBYZsw-FqhYenMbx2iVkhsbB9INGrBOtTZg08XDqse9dedg/s400/1107_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644287962957122" border="0" /></a>... God sure likes killing black children.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhROPaPKP-yW0nnhHkDY8Fwj4eGruAY24H-4e6Nei0mPsAYlEuelvSD4VCNRiTN5UE1XH9rzMYvlyZ5RxhKkaAgbGj70Hsq72nw5IibPFOkNKFk05-YGpjl8WGaAL1_cQWqnbqHxK9UXrM/s1600-h/1107_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhROPaPKP-yW0nnhHkDY8Fwj4eGruAY24H-4e6Nei0mPsAYlEuelvSD4VCNRiTN5UE1XH9rzMYvlyZ5RxhKkaAgbGj70Hsq72nw5IibPFOkNKFk05-YGpjl8WGaAL1_cQWqnbqHxK9UXrM/s400/1107_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5113644292257924434" border="0" /></a>"Hey, uh, Pan? Yeah, uh, right here, buddy. Your perspective is all screwy. Like, you know this is only going to be like three inches wide, right? It's hard to really get that you've got the reader by the neck while they're sitting in a bus stop or on a toilet.... I mean, just saying. And that's some wicked arm fuzz you got there."<br /><br />So there you have it. God likes killing children. Er, that's what it implies, anyway.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-90344241144401272512007-09-15T17:09:00.000-05:002007-09-15T19:33:56.732-05:00Holy War!!1Three years after the ill-planned War on Terror began, Jack Chick finally turned a TV on and watched the news. And from this incident sprang a tract, unfortunately, about potato-headed US soldiers fighting violent, potato-headed terr'ists. Sadly, no Fang in this one. But for a <a href="http://www.chick.com/information/authors/chick.asp">guy who served</a> in the Pacific theater, he really doesn't understand how bullets work. Now onward.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZCqgzxFGsLAgo7ZPfuETORXcAMF021XD5rh0lZvOc_9FdIraX3ZcdFiTjWMJVq9Nd5jtDb_3OmYJv0HaqyfcQ9ZO18Ln4ABTmRZJszZ9lqEnNnswIBYV7tR7wdwOFngteaRFCXqH0P_g/s1600-h/1024_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZCqgzxFGsLAgo7ZPfuETORXcAMF021XD5rh0lZvOc_9FdIraX3ZcdFiTjWMJVq9Nd5jtDb_3OmYJv0HaqyfcQ9ZO18Ln4ABTmRZJszZ9lqEnNnswIBYV7tR7wdwOFngteaRFCXqH0P_g/s400/1024_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559982129704130" border="0" /></a>"What am I doing in a Chick tract? Praying to this melted salt lick while projectile flies hit my head? This guy really <span style="font-style: italic;">is </span>crazy."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7LBodBz1BWwjz3rSrq9aSVsYbhie-Oc5lf_zlwPXUCO22ySE8-GJUT2W-Vl2ndbNev3IUlqnXQ6VSweFut92eTtPggCVh-cubfQNkFOsZSOBWswb4BXo1S9fCLJiI1O1dj7UA4arGXkc/s1600-h/1024_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7LBodBz1BWwjz3rSrq9aSVsYbhie-Oc5lf_zlwPXUCO22ySE8-GJUT2W-Vl2ndbNev3IUlqnXQ6VSweFut92eTtPggCVh-cubfQNkFOsZSOBWswb4BXo1S9fCLJiI1O1dj7UA4arGXkc/s400/1024_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559986424671442" border="0" /></a>My, they must be very proficient in English to use that as their first language. It's beyond me why they enlisted a rootin' tootin' gun-crazy Texan with a rifle though, when they clearly have it under control with their paintbrush spear cannon thing.<br /><br />"They're cutting us to <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">pieces!</span></span>"<br />"Where's your God <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">now, </span></span>Preacher boy?"<br />"SHHHH! I'm on the phone! Jeez!" "Okay, mom, sorry about that. Anyway, how's Mittens doing?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxHhZYdN2M7eoxhCqdqNxLLo_GykIBzx_BroWDnfcp211gVqDV8qVy_UK40-gzxKrQ0KTJDlssSzY4JT7wLTm18gLnJ-icTRyYDy7QCIoDr949f57pwNlo7_q9V5k9bNoyhyVxIl4BFx0/s1600-h/1024_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxHhZYdN2M7eoxhCqdqNxLLo_GykIBzx_BroWDnfcp211gVqDV8qVy_UK40-gzxKrQ0KTJDlssSzY4JT7wLTm18gLnJ-icTRyYDy7QCIoDr949f57pwNlo7_q9V5k9bNoyhyVxIl4BFx0/s400/1024_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559750201470066" border="0" /></a>Aaaand just like in real life, his prayer goes answered without God batting an eye. Because God is ever vigilant, there haven't been any casualties in Iraq, and cancer is never contracted by Christians. Also, the dollar is gaining more over the fag-enabling Euro day by day. Gas is $1.09 a gallon, and there hasn't been a hurricane in the US since 1950.<br /><br />Why would he need a massive sandstorm to save his company if they're only fighting three people anyway?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCly3bASZg-l12y4Tx1WFUuvcK75UxqpxbItoPZ9gETO8FNkiqc1PoADqNcSxG8D2BTiLLSoSzxKp5TIbhISujxdm3qKfRL6O5Se-fvFnWIbd76OCl4SuzBHlRfthLLYxRnDny3CL3owE/s1600-h/1024_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCly3bASZg-l12y4Tx1WFUuvcK75UxqpxbItoPZ9gETO8FNkiqc1PoADqNcSxG8D2BTiLLSoSzxKp5TIbhISujxdm3qKfRL6O5Se-fvFnWIbd76OCl4SuzBHlRfthLLYxRnDny3CL3owE/s400/1024_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559754496437378" border="0" /></a>"Even if it was <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">God, </span></span>Preacher, my head wouldn't be so potato-shaped, and I could breathe through my nose if God really cared. Oh, and Max wouldn't be <span style="font-style: italic;">dying in my arms right now </span>if God really cared, too."<br /><br />.... Man, they're really packing packing the firepower on those three terr'ists. Huge flames, a helicopter, the conjoined twins limping away in the background-- going all out.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBtDlZHkAtQbdjSz9nLpW2Uxkml8CKeBWZV0P18t68XEE9kBSNnW987kA9F7RaLKoxENxcUf_FEJNw-lev5a4s7coJXfqDyIQAWaPtkmzycycGOGGEQUCBd_BFsxm4VXOmrIOCWLcsiaw/s1600-h/1024_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBtDlZHkAtQbdjSz9nLpW2Uxkml8CKeBWZV0P18t68XEE9kBSNnW987kA9F7RaLKoxENxcUf_FEJNw-lev5a4s7coJXfqDyIQAWaPtkmzycycGOGGEQUCBd_BFsxm4VXOmrIOCWLcsiaw/s400/1024_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559758791404690" border="0" /></a>Why does Chick have it in his head that after a traumatic event like a friend's death, the <span style="font-style: italic;">most comforting thing you can tell someone is that they're in Hell for all eternity?<br /><br /></span>So, is 'Jesus' or whatever a big deal in Christianity? The concept of heaven is a Judeo-christian ideal to begin with, but who's Jesus? Like, Garcia or whatever?<br /><br />How is being shot on the battlefield "dying in his sins?" And if you accept Jesus, can he really reject you? That's not how it works.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Y54Gc-zrphqzUqGOnrp6k3K7EHeC9av0E8a_33q6k2N4bvhSzgSnVaPrGQy0FTpI852lBcXxwBfnjDpnXL7q3VmBQPk0xBdl6XUDUijI_q7XoEPpeKfs7OsfSgeuJrsa6z0EyAl7EfA/s1600-h/1024_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Y54Gc-zrphqzUqGOnrp6k3K7EHeC9av0E8a_33q6k2N4bvhSzgSnVaPrGQy0FTpI852lBcXxwBfnjDpnXL7q3VmBQPk0xBdl6XUDUijI_q7XoEPpeKfs7OsfSgeuJrsa6z0EyAl7EfA/s400/1024_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559758791404706" border="0" /></a>Oh, I guess he really didn't know about Jesus. He lived all his life in a pocket island between Canada and the US that no one's ever heard about which is inhabited by completely irreligious people who have never used American money, said the Pledge of Allegiance, sang O Canada, hit their thumbs with hammers, been surprised, and are unfamiliar with figurative language. What a horrible, ???forsaken place!<br /><br />Draft-dodgin' collige-type pansy! Don'tcha know that when you choose to enlist in the armed forces, not even formidable Jewiness will keep you stationed at home?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbdZuBB3s14A07kswPmZU_T-wcNJ0KmjMkBBaSGen6keu9JHPFXNZcxgGn2QXU4_7e5RzYdNzJDPOJHx-hKUVUllbkWy88nSNoU9_FejlZVtQv2do3CM3Ld7gfJZNZuBmnJD35PY67ttg/s1600-h/1024_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbdZuBB3s14A07kswPmZU_T-wcNJ0KmjMkBBaSGen6keu9JHPFXNZcxgGn2QXU4_7e5RzYdNzJDPOJHx-hKUVUllbkWy88nSNoU9_FejlZVtQv2do3CM3Ld7gfJZNZuBmnJD35PY67ttg/s400/1024_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559763086372018" border="0" /></a>Oh, shit, now he's done it. Never ask Matt Lauer to tell you about <span style="font-style: italic;">anything, </span>unless you have infinite patience and at least 2 years of life remaining. Standard refuting of whatever follows.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3137QvnnoYP_grJkI9JR1ZV5uwvYhnUp9PJIjLwppbNIQOribm46FALZWCC12IEUiieYQhJg-OX5WCeH4YiS8Z44NW5ccfdwLj7uLTcqaJZ3y70ezbV5bhepODxzE2u0lEf9ZfsmqlYU/s1600-h/1024_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3137QvnnoYP_grJkI9JR1ZV5uwvYhnUp9PJIjLwppbNIQOribm46FALZWCC12IEUiieYQhJg-OX5WCeH4YiS8Z44NW5ccfdwLj7uLTcqaJZ3y70ezbV5bhepODxzE2u0lEf9ZfsmqlYU/s400/1024_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559385129249826" border="0" /></a>On Judgment Day, your life will be shown on the AstroScreen for you to re-watch in 16:9 aspect ratio. Wait-- he's already up in the Space Cloud being judged... that means he's already dead! OH NO! Is this is a Sixth Sense type thing, where they're all already dead?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilXwRRkHCXX8MDyVN45U48WVy53fzq9_f0hAURjiTcQ0xZrEAvZg2LTzf65YmuheD_cY5H_-Gz5osxHacSrdpdeVIolOskDacqDf04pd7AaF0WgJwpNIEbdG_4ckM-D8eJ3Z3Pika4Zcw/s1600-h/1024_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilXwRRkHCXX8MDyVN45U48WVy53fzq9_f0hAURjiTcQ0xZrEAvZg2LTzf65YmuheD_cY5H_-Gz5osxHacSrdpdeVIolOskDacqDf04pd7AaF0WgJwpNIEbdG_4ckM-D8eJ3Z3Pika4Zcw/s400/1024_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559389424217138" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Tex Wilson!!! </span></span>I hate him too! He was a <a href="http://www.baseball-almanac.com/players/player.php?p=wilsote01">sucky baseball player</a> and his <a href="http://www.texwilson.com/">art prints</a> are redundant and cheesy! And unless both Tex Wilsons have accepted the FundieChrist, Jesus <span style="font-style: italic;">didn't </span>die for their sins.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiydWqf58AFcjADSTmWdgyZcT_JdyDAxviJ6rGKaTEvLWt_QEf78QJFfrOrHWWOGuMZojJ0EWXAdjV-Ju0JR4_KjSVNphYLXZm9t8SRq1h-YCW-nalUCr31ExGneMh-iFVLE6DTF4BI3Mc/s1600-h/1024_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiydWqf58AFcjADSTmWdgyZcT_JdyDAxviJ6rGKaTEvLWt_QEf78QJFfrOrHWWOGuMZojJ0EWXAdjV-Ju0JR4_KjSVNphYLXZm9t8SRq1h-YCW-nalUCr31ExGneMh-iFVLE6DTF4BI3Mc/s400/1024_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559393719184450" border="0" /></a>That's the way. Win 'em over by jabbing at sore spots in their self-image.<br />And he wasn't born in a "stinking stable," he was born in a manger on a bed of straw (which isn't so far removed from the reeds, pitch and stone that was standard bedding during the bronze age), and all the animals looking on were compelled by God to stop shitting compulsively until Jesus was out. Considering all the rats and termites Jesus didn't plop onto, it's not so bad.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvuTupZckVwp5ds-08P5nrdPq_DYfZW4jVML8yOTIZmcwxp1JGSw1ABctbIQsRiVreVlBl2NE7-LJ5qQ337Qa5jGCtd3SnYWl7UiyVFQE2sXD-q_00pxbCXadN2MKCJMWhXssaxKkQL_g/s1600-h/1024_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvuTupZckVwp5ds-08P5nrdPq_DYfZW4jVML8yOTIZmcwxp1JGSw1ABctbIQsRiVreVlBl2NE7-LJ5qQ337Qa5jGCtd3SnYWl7UiyVFQE2sXD-q_00pxbCXadN2MKCJMWhXssaxKkQL_g/s400/1024_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559393719184466" border="0" /></a>Not going to bother looking up how this corresponds with the actual text of the Bible, but instead of making an avatar of himself to suffer, couldn't God just forgive that petty grudge he had against Adam (a creature that didn't know what right, wrong and consequences were, therefore could not judge for himself whether to trust the snake)? Where did all the righteous people who lived before Jesus go when they died, straight to Hell?<br /><br />And did Jesus actually control the angels? Doesn't God the Father do that or something?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwVDvKjp9BzIwmIOcBM3PslZ234aUBDZbea9gFqWyYEMGyakIfcImNg82uYX4N1QAgH8JTpTyif89XCyZdTKROnMyYkb7p3Kn3oh2UyuGHRPRoXyK3e40kiMn22BKmiXs1PbDwoCBKde4/s1600-h/1024_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwVDvKjp9BzIwmIOcBM3PslZ234aUBDZbea9gFqWyYEMGyakIfcImNg82uYX4N1QAgH8JTpTyif89XCyZdTKROnMyYkb7p3Kn3oh2UyuGHRPRoXyK3e40kiMn22BKmiXs1PbDwoCBKde4/s400/1024_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110559398014151778" border="0" /></a>Something incredible happened!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"Jesus created unto Himself the first Form-Flattering Dress, and lo, it shone as the Sun and illuminated itself, guiding the Savior through the darkness of the rock-pile and then forth making otherwise unpleasing women pleasing to the eye"</span> - Joshua 14:3, regarding the first attractive dress's creation.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgtKfW-ol8xlI3kJ3aGmHj_abzbCR6Hkbxs4QkM9wI-qJE_CX6AdpEU5NRLRmQ-zECov0tdh1P812-nSq76GzXSY5KjJDJqRsmDKa7QWdFSs37XJS6HNlB7TNJuFAoD0qILhiVrrtYces/s1600-h/1024_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgtKfW-ol8xlI3kJ3aGmHj_abzbCR6Hkbxs4QkM9wI-qJE_CX6AdpEU5NRLRmQ-zECov0tdh1P812-nSq76GzXSY5KjJDJqRsmDKa7QWdFSs37XJS6HNlB7TNJuFAoD0qILhiVrrtYces/s400/1024_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558955632520146" border="0" /></a>Those EYES. Don't look into them Benny, that's how he steals your soul!<br /><br />Everybody in the trucks! The crazy Spanish peasants from Resident Evil 4 are back! They want blood! Argh argh argh slobber slobber bite.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikw0H7_Am9yK7lTEtRxoemCh5h9DSBHqILz2l3ZQCqYp1wC_V16haLRdgZnUZkpcesHJ3DxWwanCEJNdAVgnXEcSb35Ci7pMftqCONP-Kh0DMlsIKYWlt9cslqZ8dG7qvxqArPAz9rnMM/s1600-h/1024_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikw0H7_Am9yK7lTEtRxoemCh5h9DSBHqILz2l3ZQCqYp1wC_V16haLRdgZnUZkpcesHJ3DxWwanCEJNdAVgnXEcSb35Ci7pMftqCONP-Kh0DMlsIKYWlt9cslqZ8dG7qvxqArPAz9rnMM/s400/1024_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558959927487458" border="0" /></a>They shouldn't fly their plane so high up, they might accidentally crash into God on his cloud or something.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIIqtxgcF7GolI9UVQYmnjUNdTVQQOYdpmfuEi7r_cdr97Kxrh47q_uSQywzxc8l0fTPxTZbijtGZSD2StyeH4XwibV__smlIHqBqoveBjmxpBdy9F-Qo54eG8ssAsz9yb-_hOByUaoVw/s1600-h/1024_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIIqtxgcF7GolI9UVQYmnjUNdTVQQOYdpmfuEi7r_cdr97Kxrh47q_uSQywzxc8l0fTPxTZbijtGZSD2StyeH4XwibV__smlIHqBqoveBjmxpBdy9F-Qo54eG8ssAsz9yb-_hOByUaoVw/s400/1024_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558964222454770" border="0" /></a>"Cough cough"? Seriously? You fall on a grenade and you still have to muster up the strength to cough enough to let Chick make your death a cliche?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rtVMt3f6u3xhQMfMNNVI7ssqTN4nvnL5xUSEsSY7K0ov-zRw8aK1uXEHGBfIhU-BMNSzqH_8mGFuAiNm4P0botkCJPuiG9ob5rfiDbS7WnOLbM9CnYxTq7Eg6WgLaarWlMDQgINeSLw/s1600-h/1024_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-rtVMt3f6u3xhQMfMNNVI7ssqTN4nvnL5xUSEsSY7K0ov-zRw8aK1uXEHGBfIhU-BMNSzqH_8mGFuAiNm4P0botkCJPuiG9ob5rfiDbS7WnOLbM9CnYxTq7Eg6WgLaarWlMDQgINeSLw/s400/1024_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558964222454786" border="0" /></a>Is that all captains do nowadays, look like high school freshmen with loaf haircuts and Jew noses?<br /><br />Oh, I was wrong about Fang not being here. I thought that of all Chick's characters, he wouldn't be deployed to Iraqi warzones, but I guess I was wrong. At least he has rats to play with.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8pJOnYhjx6KCpI-8w1-H7yc_H0YEztYalDqcSzep0sjVF0fVDAr_B9i1WsIudOfOWmMwNC6ZjhS3HqeIwBxfA-JsI8MbI1ZPo9jlcjPVa6YaT6xYyzRUzAYP9sOkkqq_mX5Mtpc-vm60/s1600-h/1024_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8pJOnYhjx6KCpI-8w1-H7yc_H0YEztYalDqcSzep0sjVF0fVDAr_B9i1WsIudOfOWmMwNC6ZjhS3HqeIwBxfA-JsI8MbI1ZPo9jlcjPVa6YaT6xYyzRUzAYP9sOkkqq_mX5Mtpc-vm60/s400/1024_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558968517422098" border="0" /></a>Oh, come on. Like people with doctorates in any topic (from a <span style="font-weight: bold;">real</span> school, not whatever Henry Makow and Kent Hovind attended) are this figuratively-challenged. There's a difference between nicknaming someone, say, Doc, and them being a doctor by trade. People with doctorates should know.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeD6LTgOx0NXmzj5v7dkIf3xKAQ1P6K3Sq__VXxVS7ww6KcydziM6PxHAm-5Z_Bj1XhjxNLYb_nd24OjQA743paDHfVXBeihUl0GHBbs3MsZJsHtYBHqWgGa1QjjLP6fT89Rn9GJzsFSs/s1600-h/1024_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeD6LTgOx0NXmzj5v7dkIf3xKAQ1P6K3Sq__VXxVS7ww6KcydziM6PxHAm-5Z_Bj1XhjxNLYb_nd24OjQA743paDHfVXBeihUl0GHBbs3MsZJsHtYBHqWgGa1QjjLP6fT89Rn9GJzsFSs/s400/1024_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558500365986690" border="0" /></a>Oh, fuck you. Why does EVERY RELIGION revolve around an afterlife to you, Jack? They don't all have "heaven"s because they have different philosophies. Budddhism, for example, revolves around making your life on earth better, followed by reincarnation, not heaven. Which, even though it's for different reasons, <span style="font-style: italic;">is </span>a lie. One that makes Benny so outraged he randomly spurts facial hair.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjATlMEU66S-w8WSkdgqhOPLGdGX0dEo8aBE2uAGo0-KUEMH8TlN4xf-KrIidfrcwBr_EEpVHq2puvIzg-Jp2r6IniV-262NPyOoDxeGnZLWOIz-jVgK6NTxkdYU8GamxMqNtWtUhtliNk/s1600-h/1024_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjATlMEU66S-w8WSkdgqhOPLGdGX0dEo8aBE2uAGo0-KUEMH8TlN4xf-KrIidfrcwBr_EEpVHq2puvIzg-Jp2r6IniV-262NPyOoDxeGnZLWOIz-jVgK6NTxkdYU8GamxMqNtWtUhtliNk/s400/1024_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558504660954002" border="0" /></a>..... has this ever happened? Seriously? Ever?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEJ3jFQixvfZKmH01X76NssI5dI_b8sLj6Wo_JZ3RSBHKbMYaSEln0mAdvUOenlcu7VG1zCNCWJVeunZznvOBEIhJyDOqs8xYjYiSLj5G9q_AOD-j_ylg4w5ohaAYq2Abe-lPQOyWTrHw/s1600-h/1024_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEJ3jFQixvfZKmH01X76NssI5dI_b8sLj6Wo_JZ3RSBHKbMYaSEln0mAdvUOenlcu7VG1zCNCWJVeunZznvOBEIhJyDOqs8xYjYiSLj5G9q_AOD-j_ylg4w5ohaAYq2Abe-lPQOyWTrHw/s400/1024_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558517545855906" border="0" /></a>What an asshole. If you're supposed to not care what faith your soldiers follow, than you shouldn't discriminate against Christians (even the fanatical ones). Because this is a huge fucking strawman caricature, I won't go any further, but I am alarmed at the thing that's driving the truck.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDowCHgS7FmwhNqM1112-v3EVqudXBuPkr4CfxWpP-zztKvfBE2zB1O8pVE80cTZMREdDd1u4clpsqhKv9Y8s_loBNKFs7D3o0SnvjK4uDWCIe0kj6wPe9dRkd0e2COvDSJps7W8SA04Y/s1600-h/1024_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDowCHgS7FmwhNqM1112-v3EVqudXBuPkr4CfxWpP-zztKvfBE2zB1O8pVE80cTZMREdDd1u4clpsqhKv9Y8s_loBNKFs7D3o0SnvjK4uDWCIe0kj6wPe9dRkd0e2COvDSJps7W8SA04Y/s400/1024_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558517545855922" border="0" /></a>No survivors. Not even the people that were praying in the back that had nothing to do with anything. <span style="font-weight: bold;">KABOOM!</span><br />Love,<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> God<br /><br /></span>Oh no! They better evacuate heaven now,<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> it's on fire!<br /><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOfEgaQzvlFl1oYG6gsnyzEwScd23yJseQY5HI3sYENPbE1CMA6eevcgCWUh-rqvsG3Yrn0OzFHLt038_aH5pllCZzDA-XkkUJqYuuQn2Hc7TG-Chmk2z1EzSJU8Y_JSQ0aeR2VWLpYyo/s1600-h/1024_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOfEgaQzvlFl1oYG6gsnyzEwScd23yJseQY5HI3sYENPbE1CMA6eevcgCWUh-rqvsG3Yrn0OzFHLt038_aH5pllCZzDA-XkkUJqYuuQn2Hc7TG-Chmk2z1EzSJU8Y_JSQ0aeR2VWLpYyo/s400/1024_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5110558526135790530" border="0" /></a>I don't..... this is.... stubborn and pretend...... sheesh. Okay, where do I begin? "Pretend you don't believe in God"? What the fuck is that? "Ooh, I have a great idea, I'll alienate myself from the people around me because they're woefully stupid and stringent about their ancient fairytales! Yeah! That's the way to do it! And I'll go to church every week to apologize for it, of course. That's the way!" Or will you devote yourself to an afterlife that may or may not happen and squander your life in fear of a big mystical skydaddy?<br /><br />I'll choose the latter option any day, if it means not turning into an intolerant moron like Chick.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-92166702621237223832007-09-11T22:03:00.000-05:002007-09-15T19:49:59.467-05:00Not quite yetI'm going to start doing Chick dissections on the weekends now. I'm too spent by the time I get back from whatever it is that I do all day.<br /><br />Oh, by the way:<br /><br />How can NBC news know that bin Laden is "virtually impotent" and we still can't find him? Is "The Decider" just going to wait for Osama to die of <span style="font-style: italic;">natural causes? </span>You're an idiot, failure and quitter. Way to save America. Letting an old man die of a kidney disorder instead of going out and looking for him, it's all about politics. After 7 years, shouldn't you stop trying to convince people to like you and actually start improving things?Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-12405579400687475902007-08-31T23:11:00.000-05:002007-09-02T22:37:18.322-05:00No, Seriously You Guys, This Thursday the World Will End!Ah, finally! I've got the energy to analyze these godawful things again! I'll format and format, but my hard drive will never be clean. (I don't hotlink these pictures, because even if Chick is evil, hotlinking is just douchy.)<br /><br />So, it seems the Rapture is still imminent (as it has been for several hundred years). Except this time, we follow the child of Satan around as he appears for like six panels, and then disappears. Nothing you haven't seen before, just a condensed version of all of Chick's beliefs about how sinners will perish, and his screwy idea of redemption. Also, gore. Enjoy (If you're a masochist).<br /><br />----<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfR8sGq1naK4tL0f3OOS4B6ManglhigAPvDBCilE9yi8M-y3WvZFpUsC43PLWMOM1s_w7fpyBLpxUOuAAHI8Ydao_l3BvDBrxAG9CWEx3F0z31WJiKThPnqB2iEeA2AFjvwJPItmmbfeY/s1600-h/5025_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfR8sGq1naK4tL0f3OOS4B6ManglhigAPvDBCilE9yi8M-y3WvZFpUsC43PLWMOM1s_w7fpyBLpxUOuAAHI8Ydao_l3BvDBrxAG9CWEx3F0z31WJiKThPnqB2iEeA2AFjvwJPItmmbfeY/s400/5025_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105380170727158930" border="0" /></a>Um, what? Oh-OH! Oh my god, Jesus is coming! Look busy! Here, have preach at this heathen baby or something!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU9Kqv3bMgk7Pi4abCZfNXfHZQ_ARMTI7fs2FigCnA496K8E_DD5n1rxu2qXX4DC1Nxx5m9kJ36bWT0SlqulvCyoxFmbqVx-uwbCQ-XtXV0HKoGBwBpQWr2YL29BtTylNHfurLGA879Lc/s1600-h/5025_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU9Kqv3bMgk7Pi4abCZfNXfHZQ_ARMTI7fs2FigCnA496K8E_DD5n1rxu2qXX4DC1Nxx5m9kJ36bWT0SlqulvCyoxFmbqVx-uwbCQ-XtXV0HKoGBwBpQWr2YL29BtTylNHfurLGA879Lc/s400/5025_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105380166432191570" border="0" /></a>There's something really important you should know, Spawn of Satan. This isn't my real hair. This is actually someone's pancreas draped over my scalp. Also, my real hair is in your vest.<br /><br />YAAH! !@***!! They oiled themselves up, so when the airbag deploys they'll both launch out of the moonroof!<br /><br />Ugh. Next to Li'l Susy, Uncle Mike is the most irritating recurring character. Except this time he's Bob. Something about that passing resemblance to Hitler....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2p1Gh7POdqTQnoe7ogyqQhi4z4KC10p59WjMQaGZmvdPjP1KVdvpOqpMN6Trr-CSNomELtx-8xj1BGlgqnTSQNQG37Jaf4Z1sQ7XJ-HVSv5Xoz8lr9ZExMloYLUwD9LgiVp_1FYvp-ec/s1600-h/5025_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2p1Gh7POdqTQnoe7ogyqQhi4z4KC10p59WjMQaGZmvdPjP1KVdvpOqpMN6Trr-CSNomELtx-8xj1BGlgqnTSQNQG37Jaf4Z1sQ7XJ-HVSv5Xoz8lr9ZExMloYLUwD9LgiVp_1FYvp-ec/s400/5025_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105380166432191586" border="0" /></a>As stupid as Chick tracts are, I'm glad he's an equal-opportunity artist. He'll include people with psychological conditions like OEGTYS Syndrome (Observe Every Goddamn Thing You See). And it looks like gradation is bad for roads, considering now they scream "SCREEEEEEEECH!" if your car skids. Glorified Rumble Strips, except they emulate a shirll back-seat driver.<br /><br />OH NO! They lost Fang?! Why do these things continue without him? Well, I guess this whole scene does have a purpose: to impart the wisdom that crashing into telephone poles will make them generate bottles of alcohol, condoms, and giant, open-mouthed eels.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUu8JCw_LGXMzK_d4hwk9f1_B0rAGYctIedbnvvEbjHdaKZxY1LP-hAs1AUOKY6D6etub-DOQww_1Gcxe_HQdUo2Ymk101hLq_I2w48rB9DIkw3HWDqr28NDbsDZuXANxK3_wEWxfXHX8/s1600-h/5025_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUu8JCw_LGXMzK_d4hwk9f1_B0rAGYctIedbnvvEbjHdaKZxY1LP-hAs1AUOKY6D6etub-DOQww_1Gcxe_HQdUo2Ymk101hLq_I2w48rB9DIkw3HWDqr28NDbsDZuXANxK3_wEWxfXHX8/s400/5025_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379874374415362" border="0" /></a>I wish Chick was better at conveying age. Like, why is Damien still living with his parents?<br /><br />...Oh, those aren't his parents, I guess they're the prison wardens. But that doesn't explain why he's got that nice bed, and... oh, whatever. I don't care anymore. It's too hard to figure out where he is anyway.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijQNsbUscjdblISCY7F8VKChfbW0asdXSK3-C9gpQNVm53qocbq3lEFv96uUKX9mbKYerSvnHbVU48ooHDQQfwHOpNozuKNPf6JkViqvaG1JyoZcZTKvJ-sMpEdWty17p065nI7EY-Q1c/s1600-h/5025_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijQNsbUscjdblISCY7F8VKChfbW0asdXSK3-C9gpQNVm53qocbq3lEFv96uUKX9mbKYerSvnHbVU48ooHDQQfwHOpNozuKNPf6JkViqvaG1JyoZcZTKvJ-sMpEdWty17p065nI7EY-Q1c/s400/5025_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379878669382674" border="0" /></a>"Damien, you're already a Christian. You know all this. But the viewers at home might not. So let us now explain one of the stupid tenets of Christianity, the looniest one whose acceptance is spotty, in case people didn't already realize that Jack Chick never leaves the house."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhryfPU08vxp5xG4psDnxhqQqidaqa-nhmxsv7afYLr9gG_PKgJtFXrAykLs_c88M4BPqHTv2WrsypbWrHl-91Sh993jVbEk-A5y0T7ZPyV47dudFpyzWZPB7WU8tlMPJTfVKrjB7FRUVY/s1600-h/5025_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhryfPU08vxp5xG4psDnxhqQqidaqa-nhmxsv7afYLr9gG_PKgJtFXrAykLs_c88M4BPqHTv2WrsypbWrHl-91Sh993jVbEk-A5y0T7ZPyV47dudFpyzWZPB7WU8tlMPJTfVKrjB7FRUVY/s400/5025_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379878669382690" border="0" /></a>Jesus will rapture his church? Not this again. Not again. We've been over the creepy innuendo with "God's love gift". <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Jesus will rap</span>tur<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">e his church</span>. I hope it's not just me, but why does salvation sound so sleazy?<br /><br />"...the tribulation saints will be beheaded"? WTF? Seriously. Please, contrive some more. And Then the three-headed Garden of Eden horse will reign for the next few weeks, after which a rather large Inuit woman will take over and all foods besides Fritos and clear beads will be expressly forbidden. Anyone caught with anything but Fritos and clear beads will be placed in a large aquarium for public viewing. Then they drop tigers into the aquarium. Rainbow ones, to the delight of children, who wear red smocks until the age of 12. Yep, that's how it'll happen. And<span style="font-style: italic;"> it will happen</span>, I assure you.<br /><br />"Are you interested?" "Are you kidding? I just woke up. I don't need this. Tell me about your day instead or something." "Well, so the story goes...." "No, stop. I don't want to hear it. I already know all of this--" "THE STORY GOES...."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR_Gbw91P5ZU-vtQNYDdryZ0M7Dl6TPDVgaepCftpgsk2xmcnfPZfRbU6bfKMyEYvFoNyR67OzBt24YzcxBzIeHqGRarGwWUG-0yyLnR3bzE6uDmVS473zktFHvl1Lx_164SVH5ySE2yU/s1600-h/5025_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR_Gbw91P5ZU-vtQNYDdryZ0M7Dl6TPDVgaepCftpgsk2xmcnfPZfRbU6bfKMyEYvFoNyR67OzBt24YzcxBzIeHqGRarGwWUG-0yyLnR3bzE6uDmVS473zktFHvl1Lx_164SVH5ySE2yU/s400/5025_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379882964350002" border="0" /></a>Jesus got a makeover. Good for Him. It's never to late to improve yourself, I say.<br /><br />Oh no! The four horsemen! I thought they were <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">War, Famine, Pestilence,</span> and<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> Death</span>. Nope. They're <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Catholic Klansman, Saracen Mounties, Skeletal Lawyers, </span>and <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Flaming Ventriloquists</span>. I need to go on Wikipedia more often.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjanqSOBppCKvttVmyTg5IgVw8WxAIzhuod_o0Tcq6-z0MvfEiJ7sYXlVxLy5IWaeom2rl5xViWPRDVpIk6-WclrjmyWvTeNterMZoou2P9CxScUfSLgpVY9YJgsRSrEn_vCpRlDG_qogQ/s1600-h/5025_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjanqSOBppCKvttVmyTg5IgVw8WxAIzhuod_o0Tcq6-z0MvfEiJ7sYXlVxLy5IWaeom2rl5xViWPRDVpIk6-WclrjmyWvTeNterMZoou2P9CxScUfSLgpVY9YJgsRSrEn_vCpRlDG_qogQ/s400/5025_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379882964350018" border="0" /></a>Oooh, gory carnage. God is love.<br /><br />Why Germany and Russia? Why isn't Kazakhstan or Austria or Spain a threat? They weren't around during the Old Testament either. What's that? Chick hates Germany and Russia for some reason and decided to demonize them under the guise of scripture? That's odd.<br /><br />Of course, maybe I don't get it because I wasn't alive during the Cold War and I don't keep grudges against entire nations (since I stopped reading newspapers 53 years ago), but isn't the Bible supposed to be timeless or static or something? Like, true Christians wouldn't manipulate its contents to fit their agendas-- oh, I'm sorry. I forgot for a second that we were talking about the Bible. Silly me.<br /><br />Here's a tangent. Something that especially pisses me off about Jack Chick is his ability to seek out a fairly uncommon group and relentlessly offend. I bet this tract doesn't go over very well in Germany, Russia, or the Muslim world. Well, I wouldn't know, because it's not translated into any of the languages those people speak. But the Cold War is over. They're not the CCCP or Third Reich or whatever you made them into anymore, they're <span style="font-style: italic;">modern nations </span>(there's that word "modern" that fundamentalists hate so much, because they'd still live to be so fucking old if America was the still the Christian Nation they imagined it to be in the 1950's, the kind that forbids science). I'm going to pop some veins if I continue, so let's just go to the next panel.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9Pd4vdfgiMzz2hYFFmdLsJaFcRnTRnGauQXGPqHFkzu1hID6qJjCR-8GVlpTae-T5ke7qV5_PZV6mRt8QUByLUQiQm7gAfjb4TemciRPNRctEHoWKlfdnA5rLTnaNs9a0dqD0QwdrD8/s1600-h/5025_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiT9Pd4vdfgiMzz2hYFFmdLsJaFcRnTRnGauQXGPqHFkzu1hID6qJjCR-8GVlpTae-T5ke7qV5_PZV6mRt8QUByLUQiQm7gAfjb4TemciRPNRctEHoWKlfdnA5rLTnaNs9a0dqD0QwdrD8/s400/5025_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379539366966194" border="0" /></a>I don't know what the fuck is going on in these two panels. Are these just random non-sequiters he's throwing at us now? These aren't full sentences, the pictures don't make any sense, everything is out of context. Does not parse. I'm wasting 'skip panel' credits now, but I genuinely have no idea what's going on.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWY-Cir9Li8F6r5a0VBf3FDvWF_7Uf6PjvHJuMFdEgR3LYWhyphenhyphenNUAaXJy-ha5BaxnKF0-A4Xc0Bb88MyJVpm33uhEvgO2ZFEV033tGshwN5BHYoglczs6LkN-gDa_1HmICFP4yCnq6vq3I/s1600-h/5025_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWY-Cir9Li8F6r5a0VBf3FDvWF_7Uf6PjvHJuMFdEgR3LYWhyphenhyphenNUAaXJy-ha5BaxnKF0-A4Xc0Bb88MyJVpm33uhEvgO2ZFEV033tGshwN5BHYoglczs6LkN-gDa_1HmICFP4yCnq6vq3I/s400/5025_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379539366966210" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Oh, I get it, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Catholics </span>are the Antichrist. </span>I'm pretty sure this much lying and fabrication will get you buttspanks from God in heaven. This is just plain stupid, and apparently makes it onto Wikipedia's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesuit#Controversies">Jesuit article</a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZVz-bRIR7-7GGxNUjrNz-6_wSu6RZ87gLk6x51kLiDe37lty06iFCFGeZI_EHhf6C6tRM38dGfnASgeH1oTZQKKlSt07GGXu2i2iJbBSgWOD0bE0lTUdhUcA50lBzmIoB3qADfOaZhI/s1600-h/5025_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpZVz-bRIR7-7GGxNUjrNz-6_wSu6RZ87gLk6x51kLiDe37lty06iFCFGeZI_EHhf6C6tRM38dGfnASgeH1oTZQKKlSt07GGXu2i2iJbBSgWOD0bE0lTUdhUcA50lBzmIoB3qADfOaZhI/s400/5025_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379539366966226" border="0" /></a>Um. Yeah. Of course. When you're <span style="font-style: italic;">spiritual </span>leader of the world, that means you rule it. I'd want to check in with the athiests, the Muslims, the Episcopalians, to find out how they gave away their beliefs so easily. Except this has not and will never happen, so I wouldn't hold my breath.<br /><br />Also, I wonder how the Amish feel sharing principles with the Buddhists, and that evil religion <span style="font-style: italic;">science</span>. Religions don't all agree with each other, that's why there are different ones. Conflicting religions will reconcile and merge when Chick steps outside. That is, never.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2dWPglD0TzD_f82DqOtpxbYjaJsAveskWFxoGdDM2CYnUtkQsNZlX6oDjgd_79mwjmqGxBwv92KItDEIFLAWkdTSvS9NBdVj_MwvVQIZ9WspHz7pkEnPhH2DoNfGsBK4r7TaSjTSKJc/s1600-h/5025_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgf2dWPglD0TzD_f82DqOtpxbYjaJsAveskWFxoGdDM2CYnUtkQsNZlX6oDjgd_79mwjmqGxBwv92KItDEIFLAWkdTSvS9NBdVj_MwvVQIZ9WspHz7pkEnPhH2DoNfGsBK4r7TaSjTSKJc/s400/5025_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379543661933538" border="0" /></a>Oh, cool. I guess he likes to make up alternate endings to <span style="font-style: italic;">Raiders of the Lost Ark. </span>He's got quite an imagination. Maybe he should've been a writer, like Ann Coulter or something. It certainly wouldn't bother as many people, because it's expensive to dump books in gas station bathrooms and bus stops at innocent bystanders.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-haJhMr-Sx01YH7W5FIJIIl5lNWnYQGZ5m75j7yjlHKq-S70N4hL4DgYeyp-cbYSsK8NLh4bm7wHrdfouQc3ftYSow9MP3DYnKr4K8YS2PLDUkMW7pJOju53QZNmcNieal3QIML5-t4k/s1600-h/5025_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-haJhMr-Sx01YH7W5FIJIIl5lNWnYQGZ5m75j7yjlHKq-S70N4hL4DgYeyp-cbYSsK8NLh4bm7wHrdfouQc3ftYSow9MP3DYnKr4K8YS2PLDUkMW7pJOju53QZNmcNieal3QIML5-t4k/s400/5025_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105379543661933554" border="0" /></a>"WOOO! DISPENSATIONALISM! ROCK ON!!!<br /><br />Unable to buy or sell? But how will I purchase my parchment, goats and slaves? What am I going to buy my sheaves of papyrus and myrrh with?! It truly is the end of the world!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAzL8GPbk3HLsUEf2eZJCM7kd3jEPcJnLdTJ0zxlqLyh20VURTyL_Oj3JJ65r79kiGdp9Dv7235o069B9EF-ya29fGxg9Ak7J8OrDZTd982cBfrLPZyXKbdpprP_c97GiT_gQ8SWu9Pos/s1600-h/5025_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAzL8GPbk3HLsUEf2eZJCM7kd3jEPcJnLdTJ0zxlqLyh20VURTyL_Oj3JJ65r79kiGdp9Dv7235o069B9EF-ya29fGxg9Ak7J8OrDZTd982cBfrLPZyXKbdpprP_c97GiT_gQ8SWu9Pos/s400/5025_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378938071544674" border="0" /></a>In the future, Christian heads will be easily removable. Simply side off by placing your hand on their cheek, and apply gentle pressure. The presence of a guillotine, which can usually be rented out from historic French museums, eases the process. Make sure to dress like a Hellenic Army guard.<br /><br />All kidding aside, if they are really Christians, wouldn't they have been poofed into the air before they get harmed in any way?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJDgf09WhWYGxZxrQ2obzvyqOzrqUVWnVVU-119ajgB4Ul1WtUB7u37elDqzrtHjzRtzWeBqjjlYaubK1n52delFfYv-zowE1k90IOjepPX4Tla4lCVjt-YKw_stIEyjmO2kPsBQzJkgg/s1600-h/5025_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJDgf09WhWYGxZxrQ2obzvyqOzrqUVWnVVU-119ajgB4Ul1WtUB7u37elDqzrtHjzRtzWeBqjjlYaubK1n52delFfYv-zowE1k90IOjepPX4Tla4lCVjt-YKw_stIEyjmO2kPsBQzJkgg/s400/5025_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378942366511986" border="0" /></a>Apparently, God's wrath comes out of wands and looks like spit. I wonder if it's safe for angels to just line up in an orderly fashion and dump Wrath out one by one with all those crosshairs floating around.<br /><br />And I think beheading people for their beliefs constitutes a horrible nightmare. Why does it begin <span style="font-style: italic;">now</span>? Why are we even talking about this? I thought the guy (who we will probably never see ever again) already knew all this?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimx7tXy5UGk2ShA_rSz6cT5n-r0o7Rq5LLTBjkWJvwQKEdJFpQTCffmfhW7MdOJgFLsQ7kkXKKZC_PfPyXwLnAMOJEg0ciq0rQ8WccIZ-Lb5Wt9wewMa9oAp6Eov3xfEFOBUdvMqMMLUI/s1600-h/5025_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimx7tXy5UGk2ShA_rSz6cT5n-r0o7Rq5LLTBjkWJvwQKEdJFpQTCffmfhW7MdOJgFLsQ7kkXKKZC_PfPyXwLnAMOJEg0ciq0rQ8WccIZ-Lb5Wt9wewMa9oAp6Eov3xfEFOBUdvMqMMLUI/s400/5025_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378942366512002" border="0" /></a>That sounds an awful lot like Saharan Africa. Except their crises are caused by depleting resources, genocide and ineffectual governments, not Gawd. The typical Saharan African isn't white, either. <a href="http://www.chick.com/newseries.asp">Latent racism?</a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8TxfhNmzJIMwK4uLLIPLEaby_AezxEznVtpFch_IPneJuuG521cRg4q9DG2WjHLVSCrmnchlpbszyqPvY6S5fGvca8Yl6fUthnGVdjsrfdursYoA-lG3HAgSF4sTSDfd_YrreTvYmW28/s1600-h/5025_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8TxfhNmzJIMwK4uLLIPLEaby_AezxEznVtpFch_IPneJuuG521cRg4q9DG2WjHLVSCrmnchlpbszyqPvY6S5fGvca8Yl6fUthnGVdjsrfdursYoA-lG3HAgSF4sTSDfd_YrreTvYmW28/s400/5025_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378946661479314" border="0" /></a>Ten leaders? I thought the only leaders allowed to whatever are the Rockstar Pope.<br /><br />You know, it's not exactly subtle that this story was written 2000 years ago. Kings of the East? Fixation on Israel? Yeah.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikpnZhJP54NYOyOMFbS1-nCwMpOM8f5sBXzHAZwsIIs_XO-7eDY0SB6rY5HVvc91EyrNDZB522FvanqyspidJtpOzn3uMWdHeauROXMJeaT-fYfEzFmlJNRfyhtJ3KrguM7iqXMlJQSR0/s1600-h/5025_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikpnZhJP54NYOyOMFbS1-nCwMpOM8f5sBXzHAZwsIIs_XO-7eDY0SB6rY5HVvc91EyrNDZB522FvanqyspidJtpOzn3uMWdHeauROXMJeaT-fYfEzFmlJNRfyhtJ3KrguM7iqXMlJQSR0/s400/5025_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378946661479330" border="0" /></a>Oh, not more of this avatar-metaphor embodiment crap again.<br />These bible quotes are more disarming than menacing. Oooh, everyone run, <span style="font-style: italic;">the Lamb is coming.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTayCXRWuHkAHxewAH862DsjWEL6BIvkGmh63Fu5lugjI8p3Lv1N4xi_EFKaA68r5_b5heKZaOZgvUVm4-1be0jUQS5GiQZEhS8gbxtKUjzlm5h6Qe9gi09s4Ti06LqePIw5zwY9hj9uE/s1600-h/5025_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTayCXRWuHkAHxewAH862DsjWEL6BIvkGmh63Fu5lugjI8p3Lv1N4xi_EFKaA68r5_b5heKZaOZgvUVm4-1be0jUQS5GiQZEhS8gbxtKUjzlm5h6Qe9gi09s4Ti06LqePIw5zwY9hj9uE/s400/5025_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378311006319378" border="0" /></a>Loving god indeed.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7L2wePhY-YqqxPhJegtl9WF0LwiWvp4r7Izjf4MP56ZxG1HBhoe3j2ubnVwTNIkOjPXkuP2rKVAtD_SMmfXBAOI3Qxun9lO0LQ1X_0HwL15UNLcCYbHW811ypOjByh10-USUTKoXjgs4/s1600-h/5025_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7L2wePhY-YqqxPhJegtl9WF0LwiWvp4r7Izjf4MP56ZxG1HBhoe3j2ubnVwTNIkOjPXkuP2rKVAtD_SMmfXBAOI3Qxun9lO0LQ1X_0HwL15UNLcCYbHW811ypOjByh10-USUTKoXjgs4/s400/5025_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378311006319394" border="0" /></a>This is so stupid. Just so, impossibly stupid. Well, the angels tossing people into Hell is kind of funny.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGPsdmhrtYR5lEFS5ggQLab2YCV9fd0PdRiyb0Kv1C4jnTMZDdL412uBjSgUkX7eQaW0aVxLDWfKimCFYZaU1iyP4rZO44JmGGO_QaJ9rwfI_YEhXQFx2og5TTdx6XdISvXFLy-IQLwtQ/s1600-h/5025_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGPsdmhrtYR5lEFS5ggQLab2YCV9fd0PdRiyb0Kv1C4jnTMZDdL412uBjSgUkX7eQaW0aVxLDWfKimCFYZaU1iyP4rZO44JmGGO_QaJ9rwfI_YEhXQFx2og5TTdx6XdISvXFLy-IQLwtQ/s400/5025_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378315301286706" border="0" /></a>"The devil is judged by the Lord Jesus"? About damn time, huh?<br />Well, okay. I guess the worst thing they can come up with is throwing the devil into Hell. Okay. Sucks for him.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTcHMD-Dx1B0yHZRMgEtpv4Ghlt3QYygFwD4JPDt22ZJ4TvF1kezgAde4OxDRsUq-Z1OiCUlraysUbHindxoJ1NcYWZiwIb8f88s4nR1-VdzLt1F_BW0Hc2DUQ2wiqH7gCCwEsJWM5Uao/s1600-h/5025_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTcHMD-Dx1B0yHZRMgEtpv4Ghlt3QYygFwD4JPDt22ZJ4TvF1kezgAde4OxDRsUq-Z1OiCUlraysUbHindxoJ1NcYWZiwIb8f88s4nR1-VdzLt1F_BW0Hc2DUQ2wiqH7gCCwEsJWM5Uao/s400/5025_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378315301286722" border="0" /></a>Wrap it up, people. I wonder if this is what casual Fundie conversations are like. "Hey Bob, tell me about the Rapture."<br /><br />Oops! Was that the fourth wall I just knocked over? Shoot. Hey, reader, what's up?<br /><br />.... Actually, this sounded like <span style="font-style: italic;">one huge joke.</span> Whether it was funny or not is a different issue, but it did sound far-fetched and outdated, so it probably hit a few absurdist funny-bones.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvFOOdEdwucJMhDCQmdpCP12ZILNJ0Ahjx7jYzEVTRcfFVnceW8UCvISV3l0GkNHR0JE8m2BwGh0OWPGAsCEj2gAFyZI-_Trf_RBOs0e3QHYVx5RmGgeRKpFGSWEa5bSCYFvlzYAnJqfw/s1600-h/enKJVLOTW.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvFOOdEdwucJMhDCQmdpCP12ZILNJ0Ahjx7jYzEVTRcfFVnceW8UCvISV3l0GkNHR0JE8m2BwGh0OWPGAsCEj2gAFyZI-_Trf_RBOs0e3QHYVx5RmGgeRKpFGSWEa5bSCYFvlzYAnJqfw/s400/enKJVLOTW.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5105378319596254034" border="0" /></a>Um, what was that? The tract is called "Here He Comes!" in such a silly, disarming way. Like, it should be followed by an "Oh, brother." and an eyeroll from a 90s sitcom. Well, not quite. Unless you find paranoid dispensationalism as funny as Chick does, or doesn't, or whatever he was trying to say. I wish this all made sense, I really do.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-18074411617646347942007-08-29T17:11:00.000-05:002007-08-31T07:28:13.116-05:00About the lack of updatesSorry. School, you know. So busy. By the time 4 'o clock rolls around I want to collapse on the nearest surface for a nice long nap. Which doesn't seem to be a big deal, but tolerating Chick tracts is really, really hard (let alone when your eyes close themselves). I've had kind of a rough few days, too.<br /><br />Hopefully I'll get to a new dissection soon, but that may even have to wait until the weekend.<br /><br />Don't stop truckin'. (Today I got my 100th visitor since I put the counter up, yay. That builds morale.)<br /><br />Jr.<br /><br />(Early morining PS: Dang, people! I've been getting like 25 hits a day. Thank you all for reading.)Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-15063697536678905432007-08-23T06:44:00.000-05:002007-10-20T03:14:57.211-05:00Allah isn't God in ArabicLil' Susy (who has <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1053/1053_01.asp">quite</a> a <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1052/1052_01.asp">career </a><a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1050/1050_01.asp">profile</a> in kid's tracts) tends to especially pisses me off. I don't know if it's how she laps up anything her misinformed Grandpa says, her eagerness to tear down observable scientific fact and replace it with superstitions and fear, or her condescension to anyone she talks to, but something about her just mashes a button.<br /><br />This time she's against evil towelheads, who are actually <span style="font-style: italic;">satanic </span>and <span style="font-style: italic;">violent.</span> We learn this from One-Eye Grandpa, who seems to always pop in Susy's tracts and feed her religious ammunition (God's army, whatever) that may or may not actually be true.<br /><br />Basically, Islam-hate based on stupid, hypocritical strawmen. See, kids shouldn't convert one another because they have no grasp of ancient customs and gobble up anything their fundamentalist grandparents say without objection. Remember, parents, misinformation starts young.<br />------<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF7EwO7ZzTlsZAurVySIP9ARVceujU_OXQ0rYl72xZf0tFK9gGYrsiTJ_ko8rRgs1Li1laeK8LLlsb2DyB_h5BZ22u7nt9u5rmDmOybdEFjEDUb-ZS4lVslqU7AaoTfQZZPmpWsuRxHpQ/s1600-h/1054_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgF7EwO7ZzTlsZAurVySIP9ARVceujU_OXQ0rYl72xZf0tFK9gGYrsiTJ_ko8rRgs1Li1laeK8LLlsb2DyB_h5BZ22u7nt9u5rmDmOybdEFjEDUb-ZS4lVslqU7AaoTfQZZPmpWsuRxHpQ/s400/1054_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101869979855483106" border="0" /></a>"Hey, little girl, want some candy? Here, follow me to my van."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrlfC-fl39cIMNT2ESST-j2O_FBDi3KsDPdOPh5Ig-M5wb4HcL0hAaEuIDXmk3lPD3Kt3EMYyK1_0UqO2nIIT6q0-BEsrdYoEfh2XTuEPD1DR3giKHb_hEzoOVlB5lW3U9onPdJdqm_74/s1600-h/1054_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrlfC-fl39cIMNT2ESST-j2O_FBDi3KsDPdOPh5Ig-M5wb4HcL0hAaEuIDXmk3lPD3Kt3EMYyK1_0UqO2nIIT6q0-BEsrdYoEfh2XTuEPD1DR3giKHb_hEzoOVlB5lW3U9onPdJdqm_74/s400/1054_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101869979855483122" border="0" /></a>Why isn't Ms. Henn (see Birds and the Bees; Devil's Night) evil in this one? That's unfair. I guess she's not going to bring Muslims to school with her today, just doing homework. Where's her gay/satan-promoting? I feel robbed.<br /><br />"Susan, my companion! We bring excellent news from the hand of fate itself!" "I'm over here, you guys. Just... yeah, to your right a little... there you go."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoBNxtxVuBeeYqD4l0WzTsPd0kgbtKYCm_AwKFk_8H7zLObvpqdBwURBvReJVaRSkdOknUM3P4ikuTLynV9u59Y0qo9XoMTSQ39Kghet7iEYnAcKS4-xjp0Tw_2It-GRCjPGuGnIdBa94/s1600-h/1054_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoBNxtxVuBeeYqD4l0WzTsPd0kgbtKYCm_AwKFk_8H7zLObvpqdBwURBvReJVaRSkdOknUM3P4ikuTLynV9u59Y0qo9XoMTSQ39Kghet7iEYnAcKS4-xjp0Tw_2It-GRCjPGuGnIdBa94/s400/1054_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101869984150450434" border="0" /></a>She's trying really hard to hide that grimace. It's probably because Amir is a foreign-sounding name.<br /><br />Oh no! The last thing these impressionable kids need is learning that there are other religions in the world and we can, in fact, coexist without fracture.<br /><br />So? Susy wants you to be fundamentalists. Shouldn't you decide for yourselves? I mean, Susy's not going to be you all your life.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3LqD_6wDauysKiRlK9NdXDHpSJxdrxIWGUVHNQuClMvXzG5N7wi0nyT1lOn17176fR6vGft3nphgiKxOXQ2fifkqw8ziqYuezpxsI9Axw9ASW0dI3xAF8tK2fksZnVkfedEkl9IPhPq8/s1600-h/1054_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3LqD_6wDauysKiRlK9NdXDHpSJxdrxIWGUVHNQuClMvXzG5N7wi0nyT1lOn17176fR6vGft3nphgiKxOXQ2fifkqw8ziqYuezpxsI9Axw9ASW0dI3xAF8tK2fksZnVkfedEkl9IPhPq8/s400/1054_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101869988445417746" border="0" /></a><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">6:00 PM (1800 hrs). Trenton, New Jersey. 23 August 2007.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Little Susy Residence.</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><span style=";font-family:times new roman;font-size:100%;" ><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="font-family:times new roman;">"Grandpa, considering the appalling accuracy of your religious knowledge in the last few tracts, I'd like you to impart some of your encyclopedic knowledge to me. What's a Muslim? I've never seen the news before. If you'd like, I'll help you out of that giant coffee mug. It must be pretty uncomfortable in there."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" >-</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" >sigh-</span><span style="font-family: trebuchet ms;font-family:times new roman;" > It's a shame how little compensation we give our veterans these days. This guy, however, really got the raw end of the deal. He hasn't even changed out of his waiter garb and already Susy's badgering him about Muslims. Is it too much trouble for the government to just ship some horse tranquilizer to keep Susy down long enough for Grandpa to change out of his work clothes?</span></span><br /><br /></span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdMNzd_j-668rBKvbs7VxNPgDkbbogQkqv79GuR0jfNYrepppBCNfGT4kvzCHLkJUB2M7kz3YuS1NW5UjwoRr9WKimkDYAYsLGDPfaWM3P3enXPIvtfND-3VAH1BlbEoiKAzoAHLZjq6g/s1600-h/1054_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdMNzd_j-668rBKvbs7VxNPgDkbbogQkqv79GuR0jfNYrepppBCNfGT4kvzCHLkJUB2M7kz3YuS1NW5UjwoRr9WKimkDYAYsLGDPfaWM3P3enXPIvtfND-3VAH1BlbEoiKAzoAHLZjq6g/s400/1054_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101869988445417762" border="0" /></a>You get 'em! When that ho be encroachin' on your turf, you <span style="font-style: italic;">level her. </span><br /><br />...Because if <span style="font-weight: bold;">she </span>doesn't tell them about Jesus, they probably will never hear of him! Not a paranoid delusion after all. Especially if they're in danger of not being afraid all their lives.<br /><br />"You and your<span style="font-style: italic;"> little friends, </span>I'll get you, once and for all!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNDWkIxgBdcHVhbtjkFbSQxGIVfqT9M2D7nZM_XVjC3nXr1DHq0AbuZUdRKoJQNtKDwp-rP2950NkjFzh3-DqZN5Yd7VmjZZj8IB83QkFEANWxTjLAmlOvI2wTa-uM4PSDY4BmRsWgiwo/s1600-h/1054_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNDWkIxgBdcHVhbtjkFbSQxGIVfqT9M2D7nZM_XVjC3nXr1DHq0AbuZUdRKoJQNtKDwp-rP2950NkjFzh3-DqZN5Yd7VmjZZj8IB83QkFEANWxTjLAmlOvI2wTa-uM4PSDY4BmRsWgiwo/s400/1054_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870495251558706" border="0" /></a>This is a mission briefing after all. "I'll tell you what I know." Oh, that's where we are! Christ Warriors H.Q.! I'm not going to bother pointing out that Allah is just Arabic for God, the stream of lies coming out of his mouth, or that most people that live in a post-modern fantasy house (what's with the couch sculpture?) should be a little more open-minded to different things. Instead, I'll just update my info stamp:<br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">6:00 PM (1800 hrs). <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">Undisclosed location.</span> 23 August 2007.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">"Christ Warriors" Headquarters, Little Susy Residence.</span></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMEEbnHIVYqV720ZjFPXFLHpg16MyqQN1D-umgbykmwxBwWSXQavml1blHN5XZrONfzh81phqcpCVKGQeDoobPNnBaxKlwECJu_OdhP7CElBzUZENetE9hgucvomQ0CIPyH3wcV4UD9zY/s1600-h/1054_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMEEbnHIVYqV720ZjFPXFLHpg16MyqQN1D-umgbykmwxBwWSXQavml1blHN5XZrONfzh81phqcpCVKGQeDoobPNnBaxKlwECJu_OdhP7CElBzUZENetE9hgucvomQ0CIPyH3wcV4UD9zY/s400/1054_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870495251558722" border="0" /></a>The Hadith sounds an awful lot like the New Testament. It boggles me why Stupid Susy hasn't made that parallel, considering she can already tell that two Islamic kids living a few blocks away are a threat.<br /><br />Whoa, wait, that loving gaze she's fixed on pappy isn't appropriate for a kid-oriented tract. ...well, it does make the cover picture make a whole lot of sense, though.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCxrA_r-3VAynKI8YhsbSmZDf1LOskmSjg3nbuKDHNv-u-W_mKEYvcWgWdoqKzw-kIEE95IRRJH-6wPIS-y3TQ59CDcV9wdHCj77DC-qyPK1RsPwoQILz61TTc6Eg9ImbaOgV4hE4DXTY/s1600-h/1054_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCxrA_r-3VAynKI8YhsbSmZDf1LOskmSjg3nbuKDHNv-u-W_mKEYvcWgWdoqKzw-kIEE95IRRJH-6wPIS-y3TQ59CDcV9wdHCj77DC-qyPK1RsPwoQILz61TTc6Eg9ImbaOgV4hE4DXTY/s400/1054_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870499546526034" border="0" /></a>"Listen closely, agent Susan. Pay close attention to what I say, as this message will self-destruct in 0:05 of it's completion. You <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">must </span></span>know these things to combat your so far harmless Muslim neighbors...", and the briefing goes on. "You know what you must do. Destruction sequence, engage." Beep. BOOOM<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0-_qn5RKyjqKNbEswa7jj9Ztqw5-DAsgBrH205XKo9uDbmKfBsYrhhESDKFYTt60lUlbwWxGSOhdSVg39fvv8sxCkv2ZkJqrZL3yaiV6QZII141pJVjwNhoe_4CANw2-oROzdgmsd-Kc/s1600-h/1054_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0-_qn5RKyjqKNbEswa7jj9Ztqw5-DAsgBrH205XKo9uDbmKfBsYrhhESDKFYTt60lUlbwWxGSOhdSVg39fvv8sxCkv2ZkJqrZL3yaiV6QZII141pJVjwNhoe_4CANw2-oROzdgmsd-Kc/s400/1054_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870499546526050" border="0" /></a>Oh, no! Susy's about to meet people different from her! Brace for impact.<br /><br />Okay, two kids in traditional Muslim garb. Nothing hazardous here.<br />"Becky! Tashana! STOP! You aren't actually doing anything.... <span style="font-style: italic;">yet.</span> Even though he's just telling you what you say for <span style="font-weight: bold;">reference</span>, these words are evil and spoken only by Satan-lovers! They're naughty words, just like 'fuck', 'shit', and 'vagina'." Cue hand tremors, then cue minor stroke.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8aI4UosJ061gTQ7tLwI-HkiCZfFnuSXdO72S-jw5BQdqXUUHSk2ZdSiWK0IGB9ahjXux1Aj9ZZIaD-PdIg4tY2frW5ljde9gz4W0reFbDbneBTDzdO1NYthGPYp_HeHTPH82wkcun6uQ/s1600-h/1054_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8aI4UosJ061gTQ7tLwI-HkiCZfFnuSXdO72S-jw5BQdqXUUHSk2ZdSiWK0IGB9ahjXux1Aj9ZZIaD-PdIg4tY2frW5ljde9gz4W0reFbDbneBTDzdO1NYthGPYp_HeHTPH82wkcun6uQ/s400/1054_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870503841493362" border="0" /></a>Uh, they weren't actually saying anything to begin with, so no one stopped them from anything.<br />Good for you, Susy, you never learn without asking questions. Except, usually people don't ask questions with malicious intent.<br /><br />"I'm<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"> amazed</span> you know this! Most of the stupid, ignorant, racist fundies I talk to don't bother to talk to <span style="font-style: italic;">real</span> Muslims, they just cobble a bunch of bullshit together and use it against us to further their hateful agendas! I'm glad you took the trouble to learn about my beliefs, but I just wish you'd used a reliable source."<br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJaLUbvJr2EU4v3GwGCUtx1M3_XkWu1ytoqsMpZTprWOhMspWni4ZshqxtT8YxPNstGsYwoFEZyfHaPn1vuU6au821nr9tCu_ykswOievnvqCQHVXA5VgH0fLgM8FrL1SCsVtKgA5MBzE/s1600-h/1054_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJaLUbvJr2EU4v3GwGCUtx1M3_XkWu1ytoqsMpZTprWOhMspWni4ZshqxtT8YxPNstGsYwoFEZyfHaPn1vuU6au821nr9tCu_ykswOievnvqCQHVXA5VgH0fLgM8FrL1SCsVtKgA5MBzE/s400/1054_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870864618746242" border="0" /></a>No! No! Stop talking to her! You're feeding the flames! <span style="font-style: italic;">She's about to assault your religion by exploiting any missteps in your speech!</span><br /><br />I guess his mother already knows what's about to happen, and is just keeping him from a violent, angry shitstorm. And Christians think they're being persecuted?<br /><br />Are raincoats part of traditional Muslim dress for women? Most women wear <a href="http://www.hijabcorner.com/Images/kuwaiti-hijab4.jpg">hijabs</a>, (and no, it's not mandated by the Koran to wear one, Jack), not babushkas.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWkXQ3rbpgg0mYXFMfxFxQsEV3vga-GRIavJ78U8pgc7MlfZ3C5DGVlU9i3VG6BsxyR66dVX71_3KblGdPVmYGFMjI6wuyoMVhD_hPt68kp-2OnDZTp8c0vqNNtzg1JYMfR95i-1mXUs/s1600-h/1054_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWkXQ3rbpgg0mYXFMfxFxQsEV3vga-GRIavJ78U8pgc7MlfZ3C5DGVlU9i3VG6BsxyR66dVX71_3KblGdPVmYGFMjI6wuyoMVhD_hPt68kp-2OnDZTp8c0vqNNtzg1JYMfR95i-1mXUs/s400/1054_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870868913713554" border="0" /></a>What a sarcastic, condescending little shit. "He never lied! <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%207:2-10;&version=9;">Jesus never lied</a> either!"<br /><br />Actually, considering you idiots think Adam lived for 900+ years, how far a stretch is it that he was 90 feet tall? Oh, and he got around by an <span style="font-style: italic;">all-seeing horse with three heads. </span>And the Garden of Eden was actually in downtown Birmingham, Alabama. Am I hitting close to your stupid fairy tale yet? The fact that Susy said Adam was the first man just triggered the "ignore whatever she says next" alarm.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO2ohvskL0UcjYjPoysoQpN1z1vP-U25HY5MplFa6ufgx7QtAWl8ItWTVgu4qhrWJSm3TZuSeEM6IUEpEHaLgF6inipAfpFRWYVEgC-_JHnYh0NLrWaEciUjcSIUs3Vb0HV6vI80QTPRY/s1600-h/1054_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO2ohvskL0UcjYjPoysoQpN1z1vP-U25HY5MplFa6ufgx7QtAWl8ItWTVgu4qhrWJSm3TZuSeEM6IUEpEHaLgF6inipAfpFRWYVEgC-_JHnYh0NLrWaEciUjcSIUs3Vb0HV6vI80QTPRY/s400/1054_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870873208680866" border="0" /></a>So? Learn that God isn't nice. If you haven't read the story of Job yet, I'll spoil it for you and tell you that basically God had a bet with the devil that Job would stay faithful even if all his blessings were removed and he was cursed, and Job did, so God won. (That should go without saying because he's <span style="font-style: italic;">supposed to be omnipotent.</span>) But that's where the story ends, Job never gets his children or wife or property or friends back. God is love!<br /><br />Ah, Chick, you racist ass. The <span style="font-style: italic;">black </span>girl has to get offended at the notion of slaves. Having slaves was very commonplace for a huge chunk of ancient history, as was polygamy and what have you. There <span style="font-style: italic;">is </span>a world outside yours, and it has a history that you might not like. That's the risk you take when you're born. Sorry.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9QafcGPfEcYv_JJQgBf04sg9SJvFgmZJHTY541QwS5UGZNB6stzy9dxjkqFp3HRDr-cMZfnlHfsjuHv99oZgjabITwMzbFff4X8uFJm6FsWSXKusCR7KXZt1sBrfcUPkjUlAzeZ0AfwE/s1600-h/1054_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9QafcGPfEcYv_JJQgBf04sg9SJvFgmZJHTY541QwS5UGZNB6stzy9dxjkqFp3HRDr-cMZfnlHfsjuHv99oZgjabITwMzbFff4X8uFJm6FsWSXKusCR7KXZt1sBrfcUPkjUlAzeZ0AfwE/s400/1054_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870873208680882" border="0" /></a>Now she's got some sort of ugly snarl on her face, because she's in Fundie overdrive and her little 7-year-old body isn't an adequate container for her hatred.<br /><br />Also, lifespans were very short back then, so yes, as disquieting as that is, young marriage was also common. And most Greeks (Athenians, Spartans, etc), Persians, and a host of other ancient Eurasian civilizations didn't consider themselves pedophiles because, again, standards change with time. Also gross, but true.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4fTMcS4JdoVemaWX3aC3ybHSCphwxPbsfAKLUzU4nsqurNP4yKJ_miD_32kXr-QHtT3qJT2bvWtnX9BJANIcDAgaoQXE4NNkvIwL_gg1v3bPeaBs-8D3LKPjKd0CDj7tU0BNOY7Pv1Wc/s1600-h/1054_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4fTMcS4JdoVemaWX3aC3ybHSCphwxPbsfAKLUzU4nsqurNP4yKJ_miD_32kXr-QHtT3qJT2bvWtnX9BJANIcDAgaoQXE4NNkvIwL_gg1v3bPeaBs-8D3LKPjKd0CDj7tU0BNOY7Pv1Wc/s400/1054_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101870873208680898" border="0" /></a>"His god is not the God of the Bible, even if the Old Testament is one of the holy books of Islam." Just like "gato" has nothing to do with "cat", Allah has nothing to do with God.<br /><br />Oh, they worshiped an idol called the "Moon God"? I'm impressed with her bullshitting skills, and her creativity, because I probably wouldn't have thought of "Moon God" myself.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHpFMZ-FVMIsmYBXUELEpQKCYKMA23e9J_J3OyKBFBwfCs_TRTf2rAYxkF62lkAs3gp7LzC9gROsnJK9o6d4xvp68EIYyjsiE9140MC4EFtnP058XzjFv1yv-GuYdrpji90xSJdpGRLPE/s1600-h/1054_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHpFMZ-FVMIsmYBXUELEpQKCYKMA23e9J_J3OyKBFBwfCs_TRTf2rAYxkF62lkAs3gp7LzC9gROsnJK9o6d4xvp68EIYyjsiE9140MC4EFtnP058XzjFv1yv-GuYdrpji90xSJdpGRLPE/s400/1054_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871178151358930" border="0" /></a>I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure that's not what the crescent stands for.Not because of this fantasy "moon god" boogeyman Chick invented to shock and awe people who don't consider idols to be tools of the devil.<br /><br />Also, Susy, you seem to be a smarmy know-it-all, prove to me that this actually happened. No, the bible isn't proof. Try again. Oh, wait, Jesus ascended to heaven and left no trace of his presence on earth? Convenient. That's just a series of seemingly unlikely events that played out anyway, and not just a way for primatives to rationalize death and anything else they couldn't explain.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZOk9G-6Vr461VlIfvhepJ6sap3ZaB-cT8FdkqkPRdJrNN2KnPGEURL1GiFvP7N89C268zrStogZDsTaDDtRZsuSRWNsS_Jpr7KghBLv1dY7-6Rx3vhmgvvTGg3DmPms1aKsmHrCfF9a0/s1600-h/1054_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZOk9G-6Vr461VlIfvhepJ6sap3ZaB-cT8FdkqkPRdJrNN2KnPGEURL1GiFvP7N89C268zrStogZDsTaDDtRZsuSRWNsS_Jpr7KghBLv1dY7-6Rx3vhmgvvTGg3DmPms1aKsmHrCfF9a0/s400/1054_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871178151358946" border="0" /></a>If she doesn't know what God is, how can she know what <span style="font-style: italic;">a </span>god is? Idiot. I bet you'll fall for her refuting real facts with religious fantasy too. Seriously, what the world really needs is more people going against observable and proven evidence.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTw1JCPaNpp3mq3hivkhCY75OYb6Mj7cnk9jPQjaQ2XKqW-eVtx0tExo2g0cFTUcThpzhsIvYW5PrzLJRD0lt-eO3c6_EKQQwYj6MNQgL40teQsoMsdHW5iQHF7wMPxQ0oE9ZwMVul2LA/s1600-h/1054_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTw1JCPaNpp3mq3hivkhCY75OYb6Mj7cnk9jPQjaQ2XKqW-eVtx0tExo2g0cFTUcThpzhsIvYW5PrzLJRD0lt-eO3c6_EKQQwYj6MNQgL40teQsoMsdHW5iQHF7wMPxQ0oE9ZwMVul2LA/s400/1054_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871182446326258" border="0" /></a>Nope. Man and dinosaurs never coexisted, regardless of what your vague descriptions of a giant animal make you think. And if Jesus had a hand in it, then Allah did too, because they're the same person (minus the confusing triune god idea). Mohammed wrote stuff down for god, he isn't the Muslim equivalent of Jesus. You hateful, ignorant idiot. I hate you and your buggy eyes, your lack of a lower lip, and every other grotesque feature about you because you're drawn by a paranoid freak who never leaves the house.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJyd4O-b-YroBQoUOqZ-z_umscUIX-jbStfueF-HrVSmr072Z-soa8XQiZ0L79SSgYRcRUrBCUrzTU9Y3-NJCnktGEFEwt2xIQEEMLmsxtKL9ARm5B46VFLwTJb4R0qzNbvEC_cpZTlJg/s1600-h/1054_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJyd4O-b-YroBQoUOqZ-z_umscUIX-jbStfueF-HrVSmr072Z-soa8XQiZ0L79SSgYRcRUrBCUrzTU9Y3-NJCnktGEFEwt2xIQEEMLmsxtKL9ARm5B46VFLwTJb4R0qzNbvEC_cpZTlJg/s400/1054_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871186741293570" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Only </span></span>Jesus could do that because that's the condition set by the Bible. Dying for sins isn't a major factor in other religions. Some have other ways of salvation, or just teach being a kinder person. It's not how much a religion deviates from Christianity that makes it 'wrong'.<br /><br />Heheh. "Came" upon Mary. That's funny, looks like she wasn't a virgin after all.<br />"And the child was <span style="font-style: italic;">Jesus!</span>" What a surprise, I thought this story was going to go in a completely different direction where the baby was just some random bastard child. WOW, TELL ME MORE.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWwBwng_3bXpJfXSk8FvkSnUb7bQNCUAm9PZKxbTltFGR1aBUpZ76lrD_NTHbTcpzldpGyvngqnUz8FZqhk7gXHFkfPgreqibgEaQnkxazZUdgNtGVIKg6LvZAB9zcW9d3jGn09l9kKbE/s1600-h/1054_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWwBwng_3bXpJfXSk8FvkSnUb7bQNCUAm9PZKxbTltFGR1aBUpZ76lrD_NTHbTcpzldpGyvngqnUz8FZqhk7gXHFkfPgreqibgEaQnkxazZUdgNtGVIKg6LvZAB9zcW9d3jGn09l9kKbE/s400/1054_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871186741293586" border="0" /></a>Standard 3:16. Does Chick think that putting this in every tract will convince us that it's more true somehow? Repetition=fact? The earth is flat. The earth is flat. The earth is flat. The earth is flat. The earth is flat. The earth is flat. The earth is flat. The earth is flat. Am I getting through to you? No? The earth is flat. The earth is flat. How about now? Do you believe me yet?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7yQ-HbG1E1pw7Ev67S7ap39OBBLpsdoJzVszTs6CMHh-K611pONhsU7LZzN5m2e67xDcuwoPFO4nZ8T77zVNTjTRid76KezUdCEUEDD5smsoMgmwHFJPdsqxMVd0dkhpi0PGfjNfyLFQ/s1600-h/1054_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7yQ-HbG1E1pw7Ev67S7ap39OBBLpsdoJzVszTs6CMHh-K611pONhsU7LZzN5m2e67xDcuwoPFO4nZ8T77zVNTjTRid76KezUdCEUEDD5smsoMgmwHFJPdsqxMVd0dkhpi0PGfjNfyLFQ/s400/1054_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871453029265954" border="0" /></a>I'm not bothering with this one. For reasons why, just consult the rest of this dissection. Nothing new here, just reiteration of her misinterpretation of Islam.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC00q4SW9wMK_5gxjAMYRj66t-Ksy3EpAPs0kKDknoKYr1WlTClrp_di_wD3fkqfSLQOJGDr7frlcVUVpMo_AE7NQ8RtVn1dN0X6IEwxJbJHZxkKsww33qIjGvIzmk1hsj3PK_ck1Xz6k/s1600-h/1054_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC00q4SW9wMK_5gxjAMYRj66t-Ksy3EpAPs0kKDknoKYr1WlTClrp_di_wD3fkqfSLQOJGDr7frlcVUVpMo_AE7NQ8RtVn1dN0X6IEwxJbJHZxkKsww33qIjGvIzmk1hsj3PK_ck1Xz6k/s400/1054_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871457324233266" border="0" /></a>Is that what Becky and Tashana did? I got worried, there. I lost track of the plot while we were between panels. Thank goodness, now I can still understand what's going on.<br /><br />Why <span style="font-style: italic;">wouldn't </span>you want to sin again? You just got a Get Out of Hell Free card. Go celebrate by sinning it up.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9fPxjzNs_qsOJoO1gGds0QK9R_cfmq_L_33WNzoaiGU0zFKY7yhQZOozQADB9hw1eaFe4T3Nrx8Sc-GNeqoOPbtt9NPMC5aJbGpPUgEQDErpgJTllhdcGEhmnX3g_6-W2yeVyKHo4Kek/s1600-h/enKJVboxes.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9fPxjzNs_qsOJoO1gGds0QK9R_cfmq_L_33WNzoaiGU0zFKY7yhQZOozQADB9hw1eaFe4T3Nrx8Sc-GNeqoOPbtt9NPMC5aJbGpPUgEQDErpgJTllhdcGEhmnX3g_6-W2yeVyKHo4Kek/s400/enKJVboxes.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101871457324233282" border="0" /></a>One thing I don't get about Chick is how inconsistent he is with his presentation of Christianity's tenants. Do you get judged once you die, or do you languish around till Judgement day, or what?<br /><br />Also, why is it that he doesn't care if he lies about other people to demonize them? Isn't lying a sin? He has a computer, is it too much trouble to spend 15 minutes reading about Islam on Wikipedia, so you know what you're talking about and don't look like a moron?<br /><br />Apparently, yes.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-41774982516942859212007-08-19T10:50:00.000-05:002007-08-25T21:21:25.106-05:00God's the Governor Now<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >I'm not making fun of <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0027/0027_01.asp">The Execution </a>today, because it's so half-assed, self-deprecating, and criminally stupid that I'm pretty sure Chick is the world's best IRL troll for making it. Go look at it now, and wait for the bright green </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 204, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" >WTF?</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" > float over your head right before you have an aneurysm caused by Jack T. Chick pushing out a big wet turd on your intelligence. </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;font-size:100%;" ><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"> </span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 255, 51);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" >Warning: Contains hyperconcentrated Fundamentalism, and as pants-wettingly funny as that is, is not recommended for people with heart conditions or pregnant women for that reason.</span><br /><br />----<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Phew. Okay. I've got my stuff together now, I promise. For some reason or another I really, really didn't want to do any dissections lately. Nothing out of the ordinary for me to ridicule, and I kept leaving raw Tracts on my posts. Also, Chick decided to add video to his site. Most of it is standard Catholic-bashing and Jesus propaganda, you know. Well, on to business.<br />-<br />Today ours is a story of a wonderful, loving god that accepts you even if you make mistakes. And how that's not the God of the Bible. Seriously, that's an excerpt from the dialogue.<br />Oh, and <a href="http://www.geocities.com/gregariousmonks/Wilford-Brimley-03.jpg">Wilford Brimley</a> (of <a href="http://www.toadking.com/6x9=42/diabeetus.jpg">Diabeetus </a>fame) makes a surprise visit as the Complacent, Judgemental Christian.<br /><br /></span></span></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMg5PkK7u3rMco0HJXOGYsPYXWmK7j0qsUxOZyS1Na8gyWmVWOkdJ4zG3oLylzu6q5_I6P1fXKC4PunQgurkzOpdiFDKL7MaF6XHd9a4-7dtILKTsg1VkDIEnjF-ChD2nlESxCG-ppWjQ/s1600-h/1014_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMg5PkK7u3rMco0HJXOGYsPYXWmK7j0qsUxOZyS1Na8gyWmVWOkdJ4zG3oLylzu6q5_I6P1fXKC4PunQgurkzOpdiFDKL7MaF6XHd9a4-7dtILKTsg1VkDIEnjF-ChD2nlESxCG-ppWjQ/s400/1014_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101073714393640434" border="0" /></a>"Okay, okay, I'll be in your tract. Just calm down, Mr. Chick-- hey, here, have my wallet."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQA4PAnx2XLNz1xiE5vIR0npbG4yjl58aRPhx10nwTduppByxu97eOSaDAJtj8qHHlh9dH1CNY2uOQpCZ_yBVyX7jVN5Azv5mnwEbYX7l2akbIm3CbPWKguJh36uottG-UwthmhBIm_ac/s1600-h/1014_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQA4PAnx2XLNz1xiE5vIR0npbG4yjl58aRPhx10nwTduppByxu97eOSaDAJtj8qHHlh9dH1CNY2uOQpCZ_yBVyX7jVN5Azv5mnwEbYX7l2akbIm3CbPWKguJh36uottG-UwthmhBIm_ac/s400/1014_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101073718688607746" border="0" /></a>"Anything you say can and will be used against you, so we advise you be quiet while Officer Richards rapes you. Please be still."<br /><br />Oooh! Little Richard is up against Douglas Rogers! We've got lots of work ahead, but luckily you'll skip that part, because Chick likes to discard characters. So says <a href="http://www.luds.net/personnages/image_monroe.gif">Dr. Marvin Monroe</a>. I wonder how he wound up being a court-appointed attorney, though.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjftSRAJLzYY7-tYbhnFAqmXPODK2Q4IIOIpJEL82BFqbvCma1BJ7cXXRiQ3nlEUV-nsAZv4VuRUGFEyZu23gf6tVDeptJhqgjpLcaLpWt3xU2amTY5x3zIJWTDE_97QY_CKHONIaJn7Vk/s1600-h/1014_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjftSRAJLzYY7-tYbhnFAqmXPODK2Q4IIOIpJEL82BFqbvCma1BJ7cXXRiQ3nlEUV-nsAZv4VuRUGFEyZu23gf6tVDeptJhqgjpLcaLpWt3xU2amTY5x3zIJWTDE_97QY_CKHONIaJn7Vk/s400/1014_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101073718688607762" border="0" /></a>I'll take over the <span style="font-weight: bold;">world!</span> The governor's chair is but a small step in my plan!<br /><br />From what I know about the legal system (via Law & Order reruns), isn't it his job to find him guilty? I wouldn't know, but.<br /><br />Oh, come on. Is it impossible to throw your readers a bone and actually draw the characters, and not their silhouettes in the window?<br /><br />"And now, a completely different direction in the conversation at arbitrary fucking random: That's exactly what's happening to <span style="font-weight: bold;">you</span>, Doug. You're in the God Legal System, and the prosecutor (Jesus) is looking for things about you to condemn you with, because Jesus wants to be in the governor's chair." Which elicits the appropriate response, "<span style="font-weight: bold;">WHAT!?!</span>".<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU4Tv3ce6KmFWbt4X87NCc2-l4MySfYc7_7E72oH9OhG2kHXxIVl0weI6kh2nEEmdZ51pWF471MqxwRgC8kArbC9UsylMlHmq2C_VBey0xndis-KziteF_elPCJnKLO8FCzO9RPh8v1Ik/s1600-h/1014_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjU4Tv3ce6KmFWbt4X87NCc2-l4MySfYc7_7E72oH9OhG2kHXxIVl0weI6kh2nEEmdZ51pWF471MqxwRgC8kArbC9UsylMlHmq2C_VBey0xndis-KziteF_elPCJnKLO8FCzO9RPh8v1Ik/s400/1014_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101073727278542370" border="0" /></a>He may not be on trial, but he sure can get his diabeetus medication delivered right to his door with a simple phone call.<br /><br />And which of <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">God's</span> confusing, contradictory and outdated laws is he breaking? Ambition? Going through with the legal process, and not just stoning sinners to death? No, wait, let me guess. He's wearing a polyester blend. Yeah, that's the one. Oh, and don't let your kids ever want to amount to anything, because that's evil and a sin.<br /><br />"That's ridiculous. When I signed up for Christianity, they told me God loved me unconditionally and that Jesus forgave my sins." Whoops. Missed a clause, there.<br /><br />"You're a big-shot lawyer who prosecutes people that may or may not have committed felonies, like this hasn't been going on for centuries."<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span></span></span></span></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqIKc6T6UuGzLk9BO0c9AGqmfYIHiax6PaccMM4hSWcwrCRAahrhTBwo_6OYgWTpsBD1aKPKIi6Cq6n7_m3BDcSrMvoocUApjbqyU2oMqDlZd0cKD8wDhF9-dA823qxuqotVKuEDA5fkI/s1600-h/1014_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqIKc6T6UuGzLk9BO0c9AGqmfYIHiax6PaccMM4hSWcwrCRAahrhTBwo_6OYgWTpsBD1aKPKIi6Cq6n7_m3BDcSrMvoocUApjbqyU2oMqDlZd0cKD8wDhF9-dA823qxuqotVKuEDA5fkI/s400/1014_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101073735868476978" border="0" /></a>Wilford: You'll be in the court before God, answering for your crimes.<br />Doug: Seriously, man, what does this have to do with that sleazy looking guy we're supposed to indict? Er-okay, yeah, "That's impossible! blah blah.."<br /><br />Here it comes. Again, fundieism isn't real Christianity.<br />Isn't that what they tell you to get you to join? <a href="http://www.chick.com/tractimages12039/1050/1050_16.gif">Even</a> <a href="http://www.chick.com/tractimages12039/0021/0021_08.gif">Chick</a> <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0085/0085_01.asp">says</a> <a href="http://www.chick.com/tractimages12039/1024/1024_10.gif">that </a><a href="http://www.chick.com/tractimages12039/0100/0100_05.gif">God</a> <a href="http://www.chick.com/tractimages12039/5008/5008_19.gif">loves</a> <a href="http://www.chick.com/tractimages12039/0097/0097_18.gif">you</a>, even with your sins, but for some reason that's not reflected here, because surprise! The meaning of things magically change when you want them to in Christianity. That's the way to get converts: threaten Hell, or trick them into thinking God loves them. After all, that's not the God of the Bible. The God of the Bible is mostly wrath, unnecessary suffering, and ridiculous laws.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoTPdnrQ0C4ECSdtBxl8TpOKvjWRUcHMQldtVNEu2LJOCWd6eNx26XARP-NMD-SqLWIyRf96cofaSpZeEs1I3WE_p1UQrPkGLxD5rT71M4DRu0mXeY55nJCF9a26c3y42IY5g_cNUSYR4/s1600-h/1014_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoTPdnrQ0C4ECSdtBxl8TpOKvjWRUcHMQldtVNEu2LJOCWd6eNx26XARP-NMD-SqLWIyRf96cofaSpZeEs1I3WE_p1UQrPkGLxD5rT71M4DRu0mXeY55nJCF9a26c3y42IY5g_cNUSYR4/s400/1014_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101074466012917314" border="0" /></a>Aw, now his hand's all offended and exploding. Nice going, Wilford.<br /><br />"Oh, no! My God-Sense is tingling! Somewhere in the city, two people who are unrelated to me at this point are arguing God! Time to spring into action."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI_1HRws7MS2VISPAmSofD0gZ_sJp3wVljU1CcoPs6PP20VEkDrPLqXpbwjDGU8y9u45EYCy-mGUWVSyBIXmotCMGIHX7Vgidky2dCOScCFMyFaf6AEJ3__ft-f17phJ19YsiFBJGj_iU/s1600-h/1014_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI_1HRws7MS2VISPAmSofD0gZ_sJp3wVljU1CcoPs6PP20VEkDrPLqXpbwjDGU8y9u45EYCy-mGUWVSyBIXmotCMGIHX7Vgidky2dCOScCFMyFaf6AEJ3__ft-f17phJ19YsiFBJGj_iU/s400/1014_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101074466012917330" border="0" /></a>Um, well, if the current governor is an idiot, then isn't it fair to want to replace him with someone more qualified? Hey, it just hit me, there has only been one computer in a Chick tract, ever. That's weird.<br /><br />"I <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">told</span> you I'd do anything- Didn'tcha <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">hear</span> me?" Oooh, shit, oh, shit. He's asking for it. Why would you do that to yourself? If you see a bear, don't smear yourself with steaks and honey, and if you see a fundie, for god's sake don't ask them about God. Here goes.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_1TksIeXWTYXQhD6AAIyfFqcBM5X71rXE8QsAwGQeQhqJglWsW8QjJuyarkfPJuMERwr2Cs-3XKSVlKXy-dKnDtnYxJY-Po7Hp7pOL62xIKHWCgoxZJtiIvi9i4V_s1ojICcCJ48LXj0/s1600-h/1014_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_1TksIeXWTYXQhD6AAIyfFqcBM5X71rXE8QsAwGQeQhqJglWsW8QjJuyarkfPJuMERwr2Cs-3XKSVlKXy-dKnDtnYxJY-Po7Hp7pOL62xIKHWCgoxZJtiIvi9i4V_s1ojICcCJ48LXj0/s400/1014_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101074474602851938" border="0" /></a>Actually, no. Let's do a point-by-point:<br /><ul><li>Have no other god: erm, except the part of him probably being Christian and they usually tell you that God does love you, so it's the same God, different interpretation</li><li>Commit adultery: When did he say he committed adultery? WTF?</li><li>Not steal: he didn't, he just said he may if he needed to.</li><li>Not lie: same.</li><li>Not covet: this is one of the stupid commandments, and I don't know how you would go through life not coveting <span style="font-style: italic;">anything. </span>Oh, wait, hold on, isn't ridding yourself of desires a pillar of Buddhism? <span style="font-style: italic;">And isn't Buddhism eeevil? </span>The bible's kind of schizophrenic about that.</li></ul>Also, I don't get the "dead duck" similie. Maybe he meant '<span style="font-style: italic;">lame </span>duck', but 'dead duck' doesn't make sense.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijDMBTuo8s6IPy8TH90vyx4NosiYysBY6OnznNgT19LVyDSfjMSlTapsPzBshhOgKTiOhXqFofWApVFmovHHLUU6gh37vHX16JXpoA1tbjACLgdX-kXnRQpzIhiVSSLTMBcGweLCRwy0/s1600-h/1014_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhijDMBTuo8s6IPy8TH90vyx4NosiYysBY6OnznNgT19LVyDSfjMSlTapsPzBshhOgKTiOhXqFofWApVFmovHHLUU6gh37vHX16JXpoA1tbjACLgdX-kXnRQpzIhiVSSLTMBcGweLCRwy0/s400/1014_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101074478897819250" border="0" /></a>How does one die in their sins, exactly? Fall on the knife after they've killed someone, have a heart attack while cheating on your spouse, being sacrificed to Baal? Seriously.<br /><br />And just to mess with you, God will pretend to be a literal court judge. Okay.<br /><br />Looks like we won't have to worry about the afterlife of the Twin Towers, they went to heaven when they died and now shout sins at people. "Oh noes, I bet the liberals are going to be pissed that we have a big copy of the ten commandments <span style="font-style: italic;">right there on our cloud.</span>"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip6zFipPUoZrVaz3imwKy5DdhOCfgXcw2TpYbgs0udzLC7GbIAy229WyEWTIrXVqy4S7oV0wYwrxOsaGJEfN3D6g4sXabilqC8wXDQ1CDmikpM0Jj5vfiachLO7jZ3bBvgGB-OaqcRrQ0/s1600-h/1014_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip6zFipPUoZrVaz3imwKy5DdhOCfgXcw2TpYbgs0udzLC7GbIAy229WyEWTIrXVqy4S7oV0wYwrxOsaGJEfN3D6g4sXabilqC8wXDQ1CDmikpM0Jj5vfiachLO7jZ3bBvgGB-OaqcRrQ0/s400/1014_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101074487487753858" border="0" /></a>That seems kind of mean.<br /><br />I can't even make this stuff up. "The whole world is guilty and headed for hell! So God decided to just forgive everyone, because that's what love is---wait. No, hold on, looks like he didn't just forgive everyone even though he is, you know, omnipotent. He went through a delicate, complicated process to only forgive <span style="font-style: italic;">a few people gullible enough to believe that story.</span>"<br /><br />Aaaand, we're back to your regularly scheduled Christ. "Make the evidence disappear like it never happened"? Isn't that what 'his God' was doing, except without so many rules and restrictions and fear?<br /><br />Our heroine has finally made it! Now, on, <span style="font-style: italic;">to salvation!<br /><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDAJKMQxMMyNIpostb2nKR_qLV_g8-oCOpP_RxAFd0P_pgXG-kriL4ISHckt4Q9ktSlBpjvv9DYJ-gJS0sqgZUBab7fYbQV5gJG9Jvu519V9UeUgXHtanIOy1j9BaNRsrRrQPZeM6rNWg/s1600-h/1014_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDAJKMQxMMyNIpostb2nKR_qLV_g8-oCOpP_RxAFd0P_pgXG-kriL4ISHckt4Q9ktSlBpjvv9DYJ-gJS0sqgZUBab7fYbQV5gJG9Jvu519V9UeUgXHtanIOy1j9BaNRsrRrQPZeM6rNWg/s400/1014_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101075140322782866" border="0" /></a>Oh, fucking A, not "who's Jesus" again.<br /><br />It's scary how much Wilford looks like a walrus in that panel, but at least he can do his mascara well.<br /><br />Actually, yes, Jesus did sin. He lied about going to some feast thing, and he referred to his mother as 'woman' (which counts to dishonor your parents, a commandment). As minor as these offenses were to normal people, fundies forget to consider them at all, because Jesus probably did forgive himself for anything he did wrong.Okay. Just saying, he did break commandments.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrwzE6V3apO3Og2QTVxZe9aTWhj3m8nKlIkv9033XC9NCw2GjpwvJFTt0pBRmAiodHqbnH_WYYjBl0k9YkRnB9kre2n46alEkSXCOZIySZGUKh6pCMM-DhFcU6MUcVx1IoHw6EZFNdxmY/s1600-h/1014_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrwzE6V3apO3Og2QTVxZe9aTWhj3m8nKlIkv9033XC9NCw2GjpwvJFTt0pBRmAiodHqbnH_WYYjBl0k9YkRnB9kre2n46alEkSXCOZIySZGUKh6pCMM-DhFcU6MUcVx1IoHw6EZFNdxmY/s400/1014_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101075161797619362" border="0" /></a>"Wake up! Are you still paying attention? I know this is kind of a boring story, and even as ridiculous as it is it doesn't hold people's attention well, but here's my stupid religion. Why aren't you accepting it? Are you thinking for <span style="font-style: italic;">yourself? </span>Stop it! Stop it now! My made-up Sky Daddy doesn't like you doing that!"<br /><br />Holy hell, if you can't even prove Jesus existed, it's not helping your case if <span style="font-style: italic;">everything you do is historically inaccurate.</span> Neat little overhead lamps weren't around in 1 AD. They weren't. Torches were. Unless that's god's square goat eyes lovingly gazing at his avatar, there were no lamps. (Goat eyes, hehe. That's Satanic.)<br /><br />And giving your only begotten son isn't a big deal when you can make infinitely more because you're immortal and, um, God.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRcDhknZEMOtLRKs5GHzUzUrhAfXyZlSBjTU3CbjS0P4Kg6ZbgmGrbpE9gohNni34AdSLxXLxhwSMk5V64B2fKpdNCA8-Zg0pubko71nClO77qseEPCt5ka3_Fn67xEjBnmvjxmVvEMLE/s1600-h/1014_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRcDhknZEMOtLRKs5GHzUzUrhAfXyZlSBjTU3CbjS0P4Kg6ZbgmGrbpE9gohNni34AdSLxXLxhwSMk5V64B2fKpdNCA8-Zg0pubko71nClO77qseEPCt5ka3_Fn67xEjBnmvjxmVvEMLE/s400/1014_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101075170387553970" border="0" /></a>Yeah, except you don't need someone to die for your sins to have a religion going. Buddhism teaches that everything in the world has a purpose and to be kind to living things, and isn't as much about the afterlife, because you're reincarnated. Muhammad is a guy who climbed up a mountain, spoke to god, came down, wrote it all, and corrected what he thought God said was wrong with the bible in the Koran. The Pope is just supposed to speak <span style="font-style: italic;">for</span> God. Catholicism doesn't worship the Pope.<br /><br />What a stupid assumption. There's more than One Way (pardon the pun) to do something. They're all just philosophies, but some are ruled by more fear than others.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMWNz_3BxbHgPwHkgM8OxRbGQjV07l_bKSR2bQcxi2EdbgNQzmCNWFeCua-zJmHICIhYjfS3HqIWJ86UJDGQnYTvpfVDcpaWyK0eRFQdXbW2P8is7dIx6acBzUxEfWD4B6bqyMCIhCG80/s1600-h/1014_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMWNz_3BxbHgPwHkgM8OxRbGQjV07l_bKSR2bQcxi2EdbgNQzmCNWFeCua-zJmHICIhYjfS3HqIWJ86UJDGQnYTvpfVDcpaWyK0eRFQdXbW2P8is7dIx6acBzUxEfWD4B6bqyMCIhCG80/s400/1014_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101075178977488578" border="0" /></a>Blah, blah, stupid, whatever.<br /><br />Um, why did Doug turn into my eighth-grade English teacher all of a sudden? What does this have to do with the real guy on real trial, or Doug's gubernatorial endeavors? Ah, well, whatever. We're about to change subjects anyway.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHhD7PgCBazv0OzcUmr5bj1EFpt3hvtbSMeVctJzZW1N09-m1HLH4ZgieQr4Q6XmvYvvv1ggJiKqZfd8mBExRNj-fa0zXbEYcGpYDNbwlgPWwpjad_-m10nc6nwnPQjAmsEV1rnX5YHo0/s1600-h/1014_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHhD7PgCBazv0OzcUmr5bj1EFpt3hvtbSMeVctJzZW1N09-m1HLH4ZgieQr4Q6XmvYvvv1ggJiKqZfd8mBExRNj-fa0zXbEYcGpYDNbwlgPWwpjad_-m10nc6nwnPQjAmsEV1rnX5YHo0/s400/1014_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101075183272455890" border="0" /></a>I bent down, closed my eyes, and recieved God's love gift up my ass. It was sore afterwards, but I was in fact raped without lubrication by Christianity.<br /><br />And I told someone I made up named Stan that I totally agree with him and that his girlfriend is wrong, and that I'm a millionaire. Wilford did the same thing, but got raeped in the process.<br /><br />"Now that we've discussed this, my motive here was to convert you after all. So, what do you think? If you're thinking at all right now, stop. That's not how it works. You're supposed to fall on your knees and eat pieces of carpet, crying. I will not give you time to mull this over. Now or never. GO!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm9Y_i8Bl3KmkCrcXzY0dK7Nvs42MXxDEvXHkYqTZoQmESdKliOth0desdibgySA5C7om0zdmkUWmDoawqekyGzlWi8nrOhLTlMAnXY-MRDu9YGzVty1RgEQ8FaXQc0owq-LgqvCZkB3g/s1600-h/1014_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm9Y_i8Bl3KmkCrcXzY0dK7Nvs42MXxDEvXHkYqTZoQmESdKliOth0desdibgySA5C7om0zdmkUWmDoawqekyGzlWi8nrOhLTlMAnXY-MRDu9YGzVty1RgEQ8FaXQc0owq-LgqvCZkB3g/s400/1014_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076338618658530" border="0" /></a>Oh no! He's Jewifying!<br /><br />"You've put me in a difficult situation. You see, if I convert now I'll get the Christian vote. I don't want that. They're not the religious majority, and I'll take my chances wooing other religions. You know, the ones that don't have a fixed voting pattern and can decide who they think best represents them, rather than who says they follow their religion."<br /><br />You don't have to be a Jesus freak, asshole, just don't be a fundie and pass out Chick tracts all day.<br /><br />Also, "I like sinning" was the icing on this Chocolate Bullshit Cake. Parties and girls? You're 45. You don't party anymore because <span style="font-style: italic;">that's fucking creepy and no one will invite you. </span>If he still parties and does drugs with his friends, what is he doing wasting money on a campaign for governor?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbQX8UpFpsiBB0dzbieRSmJUDGoNbvXLK52FFoszrFQHALQM4eH_FDo5LfLua74DUc2E3WrjWQi9h-RB4Ewfge00vOj6EWaPLt7iRgALSMm2ik3wDaSIdz172Biu5Rbp9HaR0QYq9JrpY/s1600-h/1014_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbQX8UpFpsiBB0dzbieRSmJUDGoNbvXLK52FFoszrFQHALQM4eH_FDo5LfLua74DUc2E3WrjWQi9h-RB4Ewfge00vOj6EWaPLt7iRgALSMm2ik3wDaSIdz172Biu5Rbp9HaR0QYq9JrpY/s400/1014_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076342913625842" border="0" /></a>"But what if you should <span style="font-weight: bold;">die </span>tonight?" "Seems likely. I mean, the grim reaper is standing right behind me, right? Well, whatever. You're being creepy, Wilford, I gotta go. See you."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhFhLkHFIYIe-jNLuxHmu4M1yilnWXf6xbE5x0CfH3ElBbT4eSrrRaqg4hkoVCGLCdgPPMHTe8Ig7VSXqnszGLBd61_U9RVb5yRSs0pJASR9KiJWM-rNjs5D94NHptAL9T2r-MydcoH3c/s1600-h/1014_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhFhLkHFIYIe-jNLuxHmu4M1yilnWXf6xbE5x0CfH3ElBbT4eSrrRaqg4hkoVCGLCdgPPMHTe8Ig7VSXqnszGLBd61_U9RVb5yRSs0pJASR9KiJWM-rNjs5D94NHptAL9T2r-MydcoH3c/s400/1014_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076368683429634" border="0" /></a>Um, I guess the sneaking around and spying on people is all for that report she was doing. Makes sense....<br /><br />...and thanks to Wilford, the criminal walks free, then goes off and takes Doug's car. Are all fundies like this? "Who cares if this guy does jack cars, <span style="font-style: italic;">your soul</span> is at stake here! In real life, it doesn't matter if you die, because there may or may not be an afterlife and you may or may not be tortured there for eternity."<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirgK8U3EaNoXqyLBbdjwukHgmqLkQ3MSdeeGB2J__IWFNqI_BrTT7kuq7BIT3tzTyvk3iXh11s7P6TsfhnY4K91H_I87aT3eW6QoDaOSqKRDlVOzkTXxJZO8KNXhViENoDn6eZcpQ8iZo/s1600-h/1014_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirgK8U3EaNoXqyLBbdjwukHgmqLkQ3MSdeeGB2J__IWFNqI_BrTT7kuq7BIT3tzTyvk3iXh11s7P6TsfhnY4K91H_I87aT3eW6QoDaOSqKRDlVOzkTXxJZO8KNXhViENoDn6eZcpQ8iZo/s400/1014_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076372978396946" border="0" /></a>"<span style="font-weight: bold;">GOTCHA!<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span></span>Oh, man, y'all just got <span style="font-style: italic;">punk'd.</span>"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjrjzEKfc-Vs547bZdhd5fLLlqUI0C29w-oG5SBK88zHEotAvhM-3GpNeXgf2pCJ1qA7GZMKZzklsU-Rxzm4G6cWJ4DwzPn2l4IT8dvL9BjIcUN4-0eRZH4FA-ik0qNOhtMB6UFp81MrA/s1600-h/1014_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjrjzEKfc-Vs547bZdhd5fLLlqUI0C29w-oG5SBK88zHEotAvhM-3GpNeXgf2pCJ1qA7GZMKZzklsU-Rxzm4G6cWJ4DwzPn2l4IT8dvL9BjIcUN4-0eRZH4FA-ik0qNOhtMB6UFp81MrA/s400/1014_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076381568331554" border="0" /></a><br />Whoops, looks like Doug's gone. But the fun doesn't end there! Wilford's still proselytizing at full speed.<br /><br />"Aw, dang, looks like your employer's gone. I'm completely unshaken by this, so I'll just go on and tell you about how he'll have maggots crawling out of his eyes while he's set on fire. What ambulance? Not like they can do anything about it. So, I guess I'll put <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> on the spot now."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsZZpeVqiG0iQJVTV8a3x8e0iNvFOt4Rs6kGUcltQZXhUnvG0YrO70lN6axQC1nHj5GYkZL6rv9GUY9t29sKCjofzdpWQx2NDPJHF9bwqGCEbrEHxMXnWtq_9lVZWI2RbBv0fPyJuqsoM/s1600-h/1014_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsZZpeVqiG0iQJVTV8a3x8e0iNvFOt4Rs6kGUcltQZXhUnvG0YrO70lN6axQC1nHj5GYkZL6rv9GUY9t29sKCjofzdpWQx2NDPJHF9bwqGCEbrEHxMXnWtq_9lVZWI2RbBv0fPyJuqsoM/s400/1014_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076806770093874" border="0" /></a>That's the spirit. Wilford finally won himself some new victims. Standard HOMF HOMF carpetmunching (hehhe) fare.<br /><br />You know what would rock so hard right now? If there was an alternate panel of Doug in a shapeless, empty void. "Hey, looks like there's no afterlife after all."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-VtS6AyDuc_0A3J2xDR8pITXpWkHUL5h-zgAANle306ZQyjl8AjYigaph3VMXjRzoivUH-JnzP03mxG3yA9_YqSK3fYwPgFBzVsF5TwLTYDyDHd44n383K6M9DpsG0ztdW6r7fbQo_OY/s1600-h/1014_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-VtS6AyDuc_0A3J2xDR8pITXpWkHUL5h-zgAANle306ZQyjl8AjYigaph3VMXjRzoivUH-JnzP03mxG3yA9_YqSK3fYwPgFBzVsF5TwLTYDyDHd44n383K6M9DpsG0ztdW6r7fbQo_OY/s400/1014_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076806770093890" border="0" /></a>Whoa, wait. When did the Day of Judgement creep in here? I thought it was just when you die, not waiting for armegeddon. Whatever. These aren't consistent enough to convert anyone who has read more than two Chick tracts.<br /><br />Now Death asks if you've ever told a lie. I don't know if this is subconscious for Chick, but what bothers me is that this has nothing to do with anything. Maybe it's Jack being subtle and talking to himself.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDembE32MHDw6mOwwmt1vVTfo9s5Om4cc6Xo5aE1DXusWG0pzukxg95pjl2ua098G4tCe3HbEkIW3LPz0k_cQXwhYuNCLIeYmt1zHv43mQzl6Zxc8D1tOuuq9YXvDwvM_egpxfMTgSkq0/s1600-h/enKJV.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDembE32MHDw6mOwwmt1vVTfo9s5Om4cc6Xo5aE1DXusWG0pzukxg95pjl2ua098G4tCe3HbEkIW3LPz0k_cQXwhYuNCLIeYmt1zHv43mQzl6Zxc8D1tOuuq9YXvDwvM_egpxfMTgSkq0/s400/enKJV.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5101076811065061202" border="0" /></a><br />Blah, stupid, whatever, another triumph of fear. Another day, another dollar. Convert, convert, convert.<br /><br />Why can't anyone stay alive throughout an entire Chick tract made for adults? Do the characters have to die just to prove a point? If so, why can't they ever be in a, you know, <span style="font-style: italic;">hellish</span> hell? Not just pumpkinheaded poets calling it the "laughing place", or just steamy caves?Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-38953217528584462292007-08-13T05:35:00.000-05:002007-09-15T19:49:17.642-05:00Breaking and Entering for the Lord Isn't Illegal<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">This is a story of a woman who never locks her fucking gate, and stupid account of how useful Chick thinks his tracts are. God almighty. Of course, as always, it doesn't resolve the little subplots Chick sets up for no reason; and has a miserable ending that's "happy" because even if you die a horrible, violent death, it's okay, because your family won't miss you if you're 'with the Lord'. Typical fundie "value life" bullshit, where you can't abort a 'living baby' but the only reason anyone dies in these tracts is so the main character feels remorse for not leading the deceased to the Magic Sky Fairy. Ugh. Creepy; a good reminder to lock your doors at night.</span></span><br /><br />----<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ4L9GPMfou_ofto8_jdEZHVgvUbyxg9bcgvODqDHVly5JeAHG7sxhYrhX54v8Ar_RdrXVBs1IH9DhMPFaiV5l93zYrZQq2LXEdfwO5clYBtAuG8o6QZBFMW9FWaHqAkJl2vTbGncgtN4/s1600-h/0079_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ4L9GPMfou_ofto8_jdEZHVgvUbyxg9bcgvODqDHVly5JeAHG7sxhYrhX54v8Ar_RdrXVBs1IH9DhMPFaiV5l93zYrZQq2LXEdfwO5clYBtAuG8o6QZBFMW9FWaHqAkJl2vTbGncgtN4/s400/0079_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132362310093938" border="0" /></a>Help! There's a severed hand holding the Constitution, and there's blood everywhere! Call an ambulance! He even drew the limp sinew. Gross.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzM8VS5YIf6I-xo3pLBv6rMjzjnOOyedmZ8F9yz8h1_SV0TV_nao-cpHbVQFmfP44rfwqf6SS20GzrYXj8QvywhNsIIJMZSrtk_sUWUfAhPaMyD46fQmo6kSeUMc1Xo2sjgLgsS55KESM/s1600-h/0079_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzM8VS5YIf6I-xo3pLBv6rMjzjnOOyedmZ8F9yz8h1_SV0TV_nao-cpHbVQFmfP44rfwqf6SS20GzrYXj8QvywhNsIIJMZSrtk_sUWUfAhPaMyD46fQmo6kSeUMc1Xo2sjgLgsS55KESM/s400/0079_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132366605061250" border="0" /></a>0/`It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day for converting.o/`<br />Finally, some sense adrift in this vast sea of watery, sludgy bullshit.<br /><br />Wait--wait! <span style="font-style: italic;">She knows her soul needs to be saved? <span style="font-style: italic;">And she refuses his advances? </span></span>Um, yeah. It's not that atheists don't believe in God, it's that <span style="font-weight: bold;">they do believe in the Christian God but just hate him. </span>I'm glad <span style="font-style: italic;">someone</span> in this world understands atheism! Funny how it's someone who doesn't go outside, ever. God works in mysterious ways.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd9B0O912ZquhMfS9aYvXWOvUhOcvMr-1gYvHT3qvfVqNxriokkQzf6_fWCtgfR5H-BpKBabwGjof_WKObXx7oPTPCJoAO192fPqAbihwvZC8RrIJs5VHdwhAEQ91AApQl1RUj-2bT73o/s1600-h/0079_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgd9B0O912ZquhMfS9aYvXWOvUhOcvMr-1gYvHT3qvfVqNxriokkQzf6_fWCtgfR5H-BpKBabwGjof_WKObXx7oPTPCJoAO192fPqAbihwvZC8RrIJs5VHdwhAEQ91AApQl1RUj-2bT73o/s400/0079_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132370900028562" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;">Where did the hair on the sides of his head go?!<br /><br /></span>So what's the problem? I'm with this lady 100%. This outright proves that Fundieism is it's own religion, nothing like real Christianity. Everything she says up until the <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">You're sick! </span></span>makes perfect sense. It's pretty hard to see her as a villain right now, honestly.<br /><br />It sounds like you're ashamed of the gospel? <span style="font-style: italic;">No, idiot, she just said that you cheapen the gospel. </span>Why is this so hard for you to understand? She's a functioning member of society, so obviously not a part of your merry cult. Probably in the middle of running errands, too. See, your life can revolve around things other than <span style="font-style: italic;">standing outside all day handing out propaganda. </span>That sounds like fun! "You mean we can buy groceries, play soccer, eat sandwiches, all that good stuff? Really? Oop, here comes a heathen. Hey, you're going to rot in eternal fire....blah..."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Jh7ZeMvjk0uEr5KUuRafbuZR4ugG9SddMZZF5LqqsZcrHE-upl9k8rJ8TzjGwPh6icC8mPABP5Sc7r9nXH-tZTH9oBbnIMx3KP3u1a9eHoAXiOoiAM_WIZX4u1WyFOIBaJkSNXJU6Pg/s1600-h/0079_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Jh7ZeMvjk0uEr5KUuRafbuZR4ugG9SddMZZF5LqqsZcrHE-upl9k8rJ8TzjGwPh6icC8mPABP5Sc7r9nXH-tZTH9oBbnIMx3KP3u1a9eHoAXiOoiAM_WIZX4u1WyFOIBaJkSNXJU6Pg/s400/0079_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132370900028578" border="0" /></a>Well she must know what she's talking about, because she <span style="font-style: italic;">sleeps on a cloud. </span>Or, come to think of it, a big pile of raw dough. Hehe. I'd hate to be her in the morning, I'd start my day by clawing myself out of a sticky, suffocating risen-dough mess, peel my oily clothing from myself, and go eat Wheaties for breakfast.<br /><br />I'm glad that this encounter with Fundie Fred just meant so much to her that she woke up out of her sleep to complain about it, then fell asleep mid-sentence.<br /><br />I pretend the panel goes all wavy, and that song that goes "memories... light the corners of my mind, fuzzy water-colored memories..." comes on.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipg61xnS4kMibvrzUU-wwaAD2LiHOoettlAn4KhfnNcq0BtTKjfUmJ0CDfLUecScuHRdwWHTQfXuXPMP4QDfc1vKrb9h5y7PkIAGwJVRn4NP0HPHHOpv7AugejcLdIaOU1Ojin2Mgjk5U/s1600-h/0079_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipg61xnS4kMibvrzUU-wwaAD2LiHOoettlAn4KhfnNcq0BtTKjfUmJ0CDfLUecScuHRdwWHTQfXuXPMP4QDfc1vKrb9h5y7PkIAGwJVRn4NP0HPHHOpv7AugejcLdIaOU1Ojin2Mgjk5U/s400/0079_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132375194995890" border="0" /></a>This is so convoluted. Almost like the whole crucifiction process.<br /><br />Why can't UPS be more like this? Delivering packages from the very depths of Hell right to my door! Oh, I know why. Because it's hard to move in million-degree heat when you're wearing rain ponchos and those weird hunting hats with the wooly ears. Plus, the logistics of driving those big buses through all those tormented souls and Earth's crust are a nightmare.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeIMpnmj6Ox7RC45LQXYPKHG-mFjPcW2Tg2e1u65AuqBPY0_VVgOw0aEsPsvfMyq3TdkloGSN-rjEOX1eT0lzquwig7r-XPBJfn2BMF2bgc1ijJPYtX20rSm8-0pFlQMBixNrCI_Ummd0/s1600-h/0079_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeIMpnmj6Ox7RC45LQXYPKHG-mFjPcW2Tg2e1u65AuqBPY0_VVgOw0aEsPsvfMyq3TdkloGSN-rjEOX1eT0lzquwig7r-XPBJfn2BMF2bgc1ijJPYtX20rSm8-0pFlQMBixNrCI_Ummd0/s400/0079_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132680137673922" border="0" /></a>"<a href="http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/5/59/200px-Kyle.svg.png">Kyle Broflovski</a> began his arduous journey to 236 Oak St, where the last person alive named Mildred lived. He had some trouble navigating through the self-explanatory Caverns of the Lost, wading through what sounded like thunder and people screaming 'fuck', and the whole cavern smelled like farts." Jesus warned us about a lot of things. He didn't bother to warn me about the inherent dangers of driving a car while eating a poorly-made sandwich though, so I do it anyway guilt-free.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQXkCGqMXmLZ05n3Ne8vu2eh4XgpZHZl7NVAvsXTwHjYY1tQXAu7I77Jh3adimrC8D0ugbYbONwikfGic3c6IdwzLexrg9o8uuYoYIlDN2V36bdNyL3hDqvht5yVQslGHheC6_uIPjo_g/s1600-h/0079_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQXkCGqMXmLZ05n3Ne8vu2eh4XgpZHZl7NVAvsXTwHjYY1tQXAu7I77Jh3adimrC8D0ugbYbONwikfGic3c6IdwzLexrg9o8uuYoYIlDN2V36bdNyL3hDqvht5yVQslGHheC6_uIPjo_g/s400/0079_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132684432641234" border="0" /></a>God's love gift? Please stop calling it that. It calls rape to mind.<br /><br />"We love you, King Kong, we love you!" Said the souls, weeping and gnashing their teeth.<br /><br />The messengers continued on their neat, gently-sloping stone staircase out of hell that for some reason the souls haven't considered using.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK1nPrx7cUEExYyRDZWRQbawQtZOzLZhhymTR6boGvsXVmVkq2CqHPbKGYbqPPpDedyUKqmUekTi1RRdYw2ep0LmysCycoTGXRTGJCaC_0hAZVeXb6TgywdbgKy6Wc6eF0cBop_d_GcFg/s1600-h/0079_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK1nPrx7cUEExYyRDZWRQbawQtZOzLZhhymTR6boGvsXVmVkq2CqHPbKGYbqPPpDedyUKqmUekTi1RRdYw2ep0LmysCycoTGXRTGJCaC_0hAZVeXb6TgywdbgKy6Wc6eF0cBop_d_GcFg/s400/0079_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132688727608546" border="0" /></a>HAHAHA. I wonder where this stone trap door out of hell leads? It looks like Arizona, or Utah.<br /><br />"The journey is almost over. In time they will reach their destination, and a new generation of Emperor penguins will replace them in the cycle of life."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10YJODgDm9blcVJahjAtN9R5p8k7fpySYHCMzwTbExVPgMPct6tnLtXZ9nxjQ4TF0NPXhHrn9TgHyFXqC0Yu6x4UkCXio7r5jzQw2X4ib8Xj5SHb3iybnZlfIxDSY4Y8M-N4J-Y3-e0c/s1600-h/0079_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi10YJODgDm9blcVJahjAtN9R5p8k7fpySYHCMzwTbExVPgMPct6tnLtXZ9nxjQ4TF0NPXhHrn9TgHyFXqC0Yu6x4UkCXio7r5jzQw2X4ib8Xj5SHb3iybnZlfIxDSY4Y8M-N4J-Y3-e0c/s400/0079_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132693022575858" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">They had to walk on foot all the way from the entrance to Hell to somewhere in Connecticut? </span>That's mean. Penalty for using the Emergency Escape staircase, I guess.<br /><br />Looks like she won't need to wait for a mansion in heaven; she's already got one.<br /><br />"Boromir, how come you always deliver the letters? I mean, I can do it too if I had the chance. Let me do it next time." Faramir isn't going inside the house with him because he's on patrol for cops.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhbahO1BMNvCiWKMmdNBD_Jt2QORllmsruJKa3azJ7bpEvV56fgi9MLQIxyxhurWw4MmtEvhhC51CYDMo72GHTKGbIsss8VsgfqA6vV0iJZ-omQ_VnrTnfve9Uh6bFLT876uP82NiZ8g/s1600-h/0079_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPhbahO1BMNvCiWKMmdNBD_Jt2QORllmsruJKa3azJ7bpEvV56fgi9MLQIxyxhurWw4MmtEvhhC51CYDMo72GHTKGbIsss8VsgfqA6vV0iJZ-omQ_VnrTnfve9Uh6bFLT876uP82NiZ8g/s400/0079_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098132693022575874" border="0" /></a>"Animal cwackews in my soup! Animal cwackews loop-dee-loop!" Poor woman turns into Shirley Temple in her dreams.<br /><br />Pastors should know that calling people past 9pm is impolite. It's downright rude to call them at 3:13 in the morning to thank them for contributions to their church.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">EEEK! There's an imposing </span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">moonlit</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> figure about to break into my house! Help me Jesus!</span></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm12wOUJYBoggHp1bY2-hcUmpPkR4lCjH-5piGPGiUe35kGdhgCRPYGFXPG-2TBm4ElhemgR1AtH8XXR_yEFR7F-dejdrgl5pXDqM8JAJE0wCIGioJBHLK9hLtrjdHeAYG190pSTil1VY/s1600-h/0079_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm12wOUJYBoggHp1bY2-hcUmpPkR4lCjH-5piGPGiUe35kGdhgCRPYGFXPG-2TBm4ElhemgR1AtH8XXR_yEFR7F-dejdrgl5pXDqM8JAJE0wCIGioJBHLK9hLtrjdHeAYG190pSTil1VY/s400/0079_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098150877914107362" border="0" /></a>"Aw, shit, it smells like sulphur! I'm never eating burritos this late again!"<br />Why is everyone so rude to her? First the nocturnal pastor, then Kyle just up and barges in through her window and starts yelling at her. I'll call it... <span style="font-style: italic;">A Fundie Christmas Carol.</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWWjv9Ed5NM_vj-I9y2CWUFGNRYmTR67KlWFclghPIZHdxU-Rm31BNR_VLBmuJN9-xBtQuKQKHZwMIlWRlCXjZLTrFIHufMLXyxgmrNGOGDz1iEGACrWD_aQyrX90j-_zWoAmIye1sLVw/s1600-h/0079_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWWjv9Ed5NM_vj-I9y2CWUFGNRYmTR67KlWFclghPIZHdxU-Rm31BNR_VLBmuJN9-xBtQuKQKHZwMIlWRlCXjZLTrFIHufMLXyxgmrNGOGDz1iEGACrWD_aQyrX90j-_zWoAmIye1sLVw/s400/0079_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133212713618738" border="0" /></a>She's so cool about them just walking into her house. I'd flip out and start cleaving him with a fireplace shovel. Then see if my expensive electronics are all still there.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJypw7XEVq-Yugmq1xYNm6_UwntKeTKBVXRxpo18geKgajJDbi18qo-WLIYpeYJECb1hK5Xj8mFHsEVmDZsHIaZ4W-S4OfCHmSYw5Z6tKkmXCikbYyUQFxi3xfqXv8cH9x9AIS0fs1QP8/s1600-h/0079_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJypw7XEVq-Yugmq1xYNm6_UwntKeTKBVXRxpo18geKgajJDbi18qo-WLIYpeYJECb1hK5Xj8mFHsEVmDZsHIaZ4W-S4OfCHmSYw5Z6tKkmXCikbYyUQFxi3xfqXv8cH9x9AIS0fs1QP8/s400/0079_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133217008586050" border="0" /></a>Wake up! Wake up! You're being robbed!<br /><br />She should stop using the evil <span style="font-style: italic;">tranquilizer</span> not because she has nightmares, but because<br />a) she sporadically woke up to complain about Chick Tract fundies,<br />b) it dulls her senses so much that she can't tell when her windows break and messengers from Hell come into her house, and<br />c) she woke up pregnant and with her hair in rollers with an 11th Commandment on her bed.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0sVjheKKdWYTSYcEn5bTD7FWyLiCxvMV6Ytx2VwGpefeSqcjBaHSjE6DsKWMk0M82ijLt3CJHlsP-DsBOeLNlumT_FR6t8XmfsZlYPBtYap6_ATzuXSHDQn8_45vqM93YfLZNMEfVXAY/s1600-h/0079_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0sVjheKKdWYTSYcEn5bTD7FWyLiCxvMV6Ytx2VwGpefeSqcjBaHSjE6DsKWMk0M82ijLt3CJHlsP-DsBOeLNlumT_FR6t8XmfsZlYPBtYap6_ATzuXSHDQn8_45vqM93YfLZNMEfVXAY/s400/0079_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133221303553362" border="0" /></a>Well, it's more romantic than burning your name in her lawn.<br />'Atta boy, blame everyone who didn't lead you to Christianity, the majority religion wherever you live.<br /><br />Ah, fundie love.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxm5smuBP3H7HrgQqfiStFiMjXIjIz7Td2BkfrFX0XU7mSTp9HtDmS8-uEWhu9gB_Bn6OakHKNkVsNFDUIGP77srg3dAzjiuxW3ZEgQhg44qJ38-Kbq7cF9seut68EWInXl42GjnVNXSE/s1600-h/0079_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxm5smuBP3H7HrgQqfiStFiMjXIjIz7Td2BkfrFX0XU7mSTp9HtDmS8-uEWhu9gB_Bn6OakHKNkVsNFDUIGP77srg3dAzjiuxW3ZEgQhg44qJ38-Kbq7cF9seut68EWInXl42GjnVNXSE/s400/0079_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133689454988642" border="0" /></a>Stupid dog! They're not feeding you to growl at the intruders <span style="font-style: italic;">after they left!</span><br />"Hey, Boromir, let's go home and play Quarters."<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhayUvwG28dtN_IKh39pY5t_CbY7Q4bnP9nEmkP7BdBMafkblkoKG-HS2-zWSIK_Oi4_gy3tNfdE_LgzZI7qO1NrprW0o-Saaakg73Z2KAPylCcGsBeEyg1Cwi5Xm7M0llTvVizrMy3Y7w/s1600-h/0079_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhayUvwG28dtN_IKh39pY5t_CbY7Q4bnP9nEmkP7BdBMafkblkoKG-HS2-zWSIK_Oi4_gy3tNfdE_LgzZI7qO1NrprW0o-Saaakg73Z2KAPylCcGsBeEyg1Cwi5Xm7M0llTvVizrMy3Y7w/s400/0079_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133693749955954" border="0" /></a>Blaming her when they 'die in their sins' or whatever, that sucks. I guess a <span style="font-style: italic;">true friend </span>scares you into being a slave for an imaginary being.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzaPn5OA10qZISZyJidFAxlP6y8J42H5UwasU97Eu4Pp3PBpAQOsgMPr8QgsBuF1wIpJS_k7ngMWHZhshjl_i412A0OAVR5gf-YvuTJGcLgy5qkz0sgPb9kBEibhJPEvkIS2HGSROTXl0/s1600-h/0079_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzaPn5OA10qZISZyJidFAxlP6y8J42H5UwasU97Eu4Pp3PBpAQOsgMPr8QgsBuF1wIpJS_k7ngMWHZhshjl_i412A0OAVR5gf-YvuTJGcLgy5qkz0sgPb9kBEibhJPEvkIS2HGSROTXl0/s400/0079_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133693749955970" border="0" /></a>This sounds really contrived. The poem should've ended five lines ago, now this sounds awkward. Stop writing it, now.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXNeM6xW-oW2NQAEuelHbKjAFhhYjQyJxoaU8CLelhXz5B-n4HPDf6cLvc9vEM6zzXv-lqL_vCWvYg_o3QX4ntt4Dtedk6GLRza5vntbMalcAve5StXkHrh8vZYoo8h8o8CANERflRX4o/s1600-h/0079_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXNeM6xW-oW2NQAEuelHbKjAFhhYjQyJxoaU8CLelhXz5B-n4HPDf6cLvc9vEM6zzXv-lqL_vCWvYg_o3QX4ntt4Dtedk6GLRza5vntbMalcAve5StXkHrh8vZYoo8h8o8CANERflRX4o/s400/0079_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133698044923282" border="0" /></a>DJ Higgins, why would you do this to your fellow man? Why do you hate us?<br />I imagine him sitting at a turntable, rapping:<br />"Rob the jewelry store, tell em make me a grill<br />Y-y-you-you didn't innerduce me to Je-je-jesus wickiwaw wickiwahwaw REMIX DeeJAY Hig-gu-gu-gins!"<br /><br />"It seemed so real! I'm wet and shaky. Wait, where is my TV?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5EZLFr05URqlGKTeCLMD2LwVdXwd-2s7MEvE5K7tz0I0anc7Sv1jLAZYoXTMNjVqYvxVpWhuwoD89CWNJYfaWKIg2svO5wqYWsffn-77A_gQiIm5jremwu3b0l3gUN7-aPXg1U7q_xX4/s1600-h/0079_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5EZLFr05URqlGKTeCLMD2LwVdXwd-2s7MEvE5K7tz0I0anc7Sv1jLAZYoXTMNjVqYvxVpWhuwoD89CWNJYfaWKIg2svO5wqYWsffn-77A_gQiIm5jremwu3b0l3gUN7-aPXg1U7q_xX4/s400/0079_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133702339890594" border="0" /></a>She's just now noticing the hole in the window where the burglars escaped.<br /><br />Mildred, assuming you are, as you say, Christian, in all likelihood Frances is already some denomination of some Abrahamic religion. Something tells me she's not Shinto. No need to tell her random facts about Jesus.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDTrechQ3DRCfoMP8qcozQXJqFG8oik4LnDzGX6w39L2x6vz7nxJuRGJFHRzvNvLxvF6HKtfm5s14jD0aiy4YSYqvOaVsZX2Sb1EWYHBAAVUl-a5buzjKTCyVU4JmndA0eC3v914foql4/s1600-h/0079_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDTrechQ3DRCfoMP8qcozQXJqFG8oik4LnDzGX6w39L2x6vz7nxJuRGJFHRzvNvLxvF6HKtfm5s14jD0aiy4YSYqvOaVsZX2Sb1EWYHBAAVUl-a5buzjKTCyVU4JmndA0eC3v914foql4/s400/0079_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133968627862962" border="0" /></a>Blah, blah, 3:16.<br />Why is the accompanying panel to 3:16 always meaningless?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUJv7oGGFrik_7t0muzxXUc0dveICQ_pOQJ2G0y2xzGl2B7tuhW4GKCNV9Rhd5LRVpRwk1erXAMUnlUsx1BplXIqtK7eLR7qM5KxoUdriCBU3EgdlJgSzmM8jG-nXcx_ZlXKc-xSbv-E/s1600-h/0079_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYUJv7oGGFrik_7t0muzxXUc0dveICQ_pOQJ2G0y2xzGl2B7tuhW4GKCNV9Rhd5LRVpRwk1erXAMUnlUsx1BplXIqtK7eLR7qM5KxoUdriCBU3EgdlJgSzmM8jG-nXcx_ZlXKc-xSbv-E/s400/0079_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133968627862978" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">What just happened? </span></span>Oh, I see. God's an ass. He decided to reveal all this to her <span style="font-style: italic;">after </span>her friend died, so she'll feel guilty about this for the rest of her life. Why does God torture people who are already worship him? Just because they're foils for fundamentalists in the first three panels?<br /><br />People don't "die instantly" in car accidents, they "die on impact". <span style="font-style: italic;">"Frances was okay, but a few minutes after the crash she realized what happened and up and died."</span><br /><br />And no, she wasn't 'afraid' to tell her, it either slipped her mind or Frances was Christian anyway.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm7rurMXrZxxLDhR9j87z_AAi7-p_0MJJk3RSlROVgL8Q6RnfC6ohsWcAGqiF2ZN1kAZERPTM0d7QIwgY1TZiILRAp4kGMId9cPuK6LQZC443e76o3t8MlXYWxj_Bx8eoplgSzchByQPA/s1600-h/enGeneral.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjm7rurMXrZxxLDhR9j87z_AAi7-p_0MJJk3RSlROVgL8Q6RnfC6ohsWcAGqiF2ZN1kAZERPTM0d7QIwgY1TZiILRAp4kGMId9cPuK6LQZC443e76o3t8MlXYWxj_Bx8eoplgSzchByQPA/s400/enGeneral.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5098133972922830290" border="0" /></a>Okay, that blew. Why this undue anguish? The entire point is that you have to accept Jesus as your savior, right? Well, Mildred already did. So what then? Her friend dies, just so she learns a lesson. A loving God, you say?<br /><br />What's the point of 'sharing the gospel' with someone who already adheres to that religion? That's stupid. That's like saying, 'you have to water these flowers every day,' but some one else watered them today, and you have to water them anyway.<br /><br />What was the point of this tract? To make existing Christians suffer, even the imaginary ones. Pfft.<br /><br />Chick should stop wasting panel real estate to advertise and just buy a billboard.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-2149641115284271612007-08-11T05:50:00.001-05:002007-09-15T19:49:59.468-05:00I've Chickitized MyselfAside from the nose, this is what I'd probably look like in Chick's weird world. Actually, if I were in there I'd have the trademark <span style="font-style: italic;">Villified Jew</span><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">TM</span> <span style="font-size:100%;">Nose. Eh, whatever. Go click on my profile pic and check it out.<br /><br />Well, this isn't a true Chick parody, but I'll have another one up soon.<br /></span></span>Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-64885287895860672372007-08-10T04:27:00.000-05:002007-08-11T05:54:18.159-05:00Hallowhat?This is <span style="font-style: italic;">another </span>weird, ADD-riddled take on Halloween. <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0058/0058_01.asp">It did the work for me, read it for yourself</a>. I'll use the standard running-commentary format this time.<br /><br />I'm sorry if this seems redundant, but it seems that around 62% of Chick's comics are devoted to Halloween. It's fertile mockin' ground.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs66cKW_DU35E-guFargLA_hldw69pKtC_t_cg0Wx0A4NZ7ieh3QolwxoY-FjLcYFo3QNVbcQZUrHffdUuD1gfR5BdnfRLe7gnC23mLKGkCe5evD1gjUNxHyLIa7cGAlrVeHPmRZRwPJ0/s1600-h/0058_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs66cKW_DU35E-guFargLA_hldw69pKtC_t_cg0Wx0A4NZ7ieh3QolwxoY-FjLcYFo3QNVbcQZUrHffdUuD1gfR5BdnfRLe7gnC23mLKGkCe5evD1gjUNxHyLIa7cGAlrVeHPmRZRwPJ0/s400/0058_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003696444312290" border="0" /></a>Oh, cool. How long does it take Jack to draw all these in Microsoft Paint?<br />---<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO6dsNGObpWK_eQ2B7OlSSjLdfOyJzrv7uUBVcCtdfBXBfUUS1GTpL_b10Q5ddrQWX4oj0_HrMw72XvFE4J83j50gRExeJqJff1NIr56LJkFixdu731bNs7nEjNcfawGERaN1eOtTFX-Y/s1600-h/0058_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO6dsNGObpWK_eQ2B7OlSSjLdfOyJzrv7uUBVcCtdfBXBfUUS1GTpL_b10Q5ddrQWX4oj0_HrMw72XvFE4J83j50gRExeJqJff1NIr56LJkFixdu731bNs7nEjNcfawGERaN1eOtTFX-Y/s400/0058_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003700739279602" border="0" /></a>"For only $50? Why, that's just a low introductory offer! If you call within the next ten minutes, you too can lodge your family at Camp Subtle Satan Reference! Call now."<br /><br />Isn't he too old to, um, have class parties? Man, that would suck. You're just chilling, watchin' TV, being 46, sippin' a beer.... the phone rings. It's your homeroom teacher. "Bert," she says with a sticky sweet drawl, "You have a stable job and three kids, can you pay for our class party to rent <span style="font-style: italic;">an entire fucking camp?</span> I'm sure it's no bother." You roll your eyes and get the phonebook. <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I wish I'd never dropped out of third grade, </span></span>you think to yourself, pull your jeans back up, and go get another beer.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2h2ACotFIj0qRphcSq8vKy9W-0n9K-P4yF5CDjk-lEVgGeBuaBxXbQoACyOsm-ggShF5B12b0ji5hon5rX6UHE14of8cxe3I7VA2owLdsUVTgfVdd-73o8_2cse2f8YpWochcvxmwqRE/s1600-h/0058_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2h2ACotFIj0qRphcSq8vKy9W-0n9K-P4yF5CDjk-lEVgGeBuaBxXbQoACyOsm-ggShF5B12b0ji5hon5rX6UHE14of8cxe3I7VA2owLdsUVTgfVdd-73o8_2cse2f8YpWochcvxmwqRE/s400/0058_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003700739279618" border="0" /></a>Oh, my god, you're kidding. Why can't these people just do their homework and pass 11th grade before the age of 43?<br /><br />"Anyone who's anybody will be there! Personally, I won't, because I'm not anybody. I don't think Agent Moby will come either. We'll be back at the prison." -<span style="font-style: italic;">four-toothed grin-</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Because <span style="font-style: italic;">13 people were murdered </span>less than a year ago here, and for some reason it didn't make national news! Or even local news! </span>You don't say. I'd think in gasps too if I rented a vast expanse of land for a suspiciously low price and thought nothing of it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHfTIs9JbQQeo1kC_WJQqto1G2llIa2RdJHAaORje0DVj7JH6YFw3X0DWrZmvqiCaC62L2zt0hBp6fpHIrlsrvlyZebHEo8SVvhCZLUPK_e_ZUv0IiwBHbBtsAjYTa4qb3ws4DVUNU3U/s1600-h/0058_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHfTIs9JbQQeo1kC_WJQqto1G2llIa2RdJHAaORje0DVj7JH6YFw3X0DWrZmvqiCaC62L2zt0hBp6fpHIrlsrvlyZebHEo8SVvhCZLUPK_e_ZUv0IiwBHbBtsAjYTa4qb3ws4DVUNU3U/s400/0058_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003700739279634" border="0" /></a>"Did they get the killer? Holy shit, half my hair fell out. The rest is in a crazy afro around my cap." "They riddled him with bullets, but just got tired of chasing him around and decided they'd go find his body in the morning. <span style="font-style: italic;">Even if he was still alive and running, </span>they went home and had a laugh about it afterwards." You'll see in a minute why it's not that surprising that the police were so blase about, you know, hunting down murderers.<br /><br />Oh, okay! He ran away. Cool. An obviously supernatural being ran off into the wilderness after killing a bunch of people and was never found. So what? Hey, pass me the TV Guide; when is Rock of Love on?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsSofKxun2i4HJn1Hgbdg9ZhL1R0jITyhLjEPG7xiTQNftVjjQtG9EltaSEj7JFTqJnI40APSNpadWtQ8cUXexWCKdUGhTV7d_lfyH7qGEf_56NK_6qtoQpgxfMlzPwiiuWojGfAa_ohA/s1600-h/0058_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsSofKxun2i4HJn1Hgbdg9ZhL1R0jITyhLjEPG7xiTQNftVjjQtG9EltaSEj7JFTqJnI40APSNpadWtQ8cUXexWCKdUGhTV7d_lfyH7qGEf_56NK_6qtoQpgxfMlzPwiiuWojGfAa_ohA/s400/0058_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003705034246946" border="0" /></a><br />Oh no, <a style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrie_%28novel%29">Carrie</a><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);"> </span>won't. She'll be locked up in her Prayer Closet because, ironically, her mother's a fundie. ...Dude, Agent Moby isn't liking this. His sharpied-on eyebrows are... furrowed? Maybe?<br />"What a way to end a party! Then we're going dogfighting! It totally isn't illegal or anything."<br /><br />It's the Great Pumpkin, Jack Chick! Aww, he has a little pet snake on a leash. Is rotting-pumpkin mold a health concern for him?<br /><br />"@!!!**! I forgot my chain saw! I can't see a damn thing out of the pumpkin on my head!"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEYgx8MwIA4JilfgbaewfuZ2X-g2kfyyRam1uJun72fF1qXDHI9OTxHk4mwdiknM0J-aSwNR0Lp1BionPSBiKLW-Q0BCFiee9W9EbADwNT_R-4h776qqf4PMBqZFgBYXXmeNvSLk3M4MU/s1600-h/0058_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEYgx8MwIA4JilfgbaewfuZ2X-g2kfyyRam1uJun72fF1qXDHI9OTxHk4mwdiknM0J-aSwNR0Lp1BionPSBiKLW-Q0BCFiee9W9EbADwNT_R-4h776qqf4PMBqZFgBYXXmeNvSLk3M4MU/s400/0058_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003992797055794" border="0" /></a><br />Carrie is an androgynous, elbowless character who stabs cats on card tables. My bad. I guess she won't be in her prayer closet after all.<br /><br />C R A S H ! Bzzzzz. -Whrrrrrr- *GOD* YAAAAAA!<br />He even installed himself a break-off Dynamic Entry panel. Vincent Price himself is scared.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgceiLFusNghZy6qI2-K1YKKdw14ol9INhHwV2suiYXo_R0IynXun6hpyroTT3nE5mkMu54lfb0vpJyomYC4Qb-efBkrZzjyhhftID0aIa2SMYF4vBdZy_ihFKGr_bJIPHLyeN85gJr15E/s1600-h/0058_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgceiLFusNghZy6qI2-K1YKKdw14ol9INhHwV2suiYXo_R0IynXun6hpyroTT3nE5mkMu54lfb0vpJyomYC4Qb-efBkrZzjyhhftID0aIa2SMYF4vBdZy_ihFKGr_bJIPHLyeN85gJr15E/s400/0058_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003992797055810" border="0" /></a>Go-go-power-fundies! The mouse makes a cameo in this tract, playing the part of "Giregutor".<br /><br />Here we are, at the Chick County Apathy Department.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Vinny the Rapist:</span> There's another massacre going down at camp Basil Bub. Aww, we just finished cleaning the last one up. -sigh- Okay, I'll get the baking soda ready this time.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Chief Chokesondonut:</span> Oh no, I'm not wearing my running shoes! Ah, well, we'll just let him run off like last time if I get a bunion or something. Hey, want to go to Whataburger afterwards?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0gis_iY97_ldcVP4ZSNvV8HrWgD1fsSfPjj7BAv1nik-roWy9ab0gQmP7-PlQ9UDh6AELzpla6mfjuSpnyj8dmrOFNI67MReDRS62nvfxUf8Rb2INMJLqZGBSw8P6GbG3R8KQiLADLuE/s1600-h/0058_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0gis_iY97_ldcVP4ZSNvV8HrWgD1fsSfPjj7BAv1nik-roWy9ab0gQmP7-PlQ9UDh6AELzpla6mfjuSpnyj8dmrOFNI67MReDRS62nvfxUf8Rb2INMJLqZGBSw8P6GbG3R8KQiLADLuE/s400/0058_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003997092023122" border="0" /></a>Oh, no. They lost him again. And Vinny's hat, too. "Holy gawdang, chief, have you been hitting the amphetamines lately?"<br /><br />He must've run down that gorge. Dang, better luck next time. Okay, let's wrap this up, blah, blah, saints aren't responsible for murder victims, blah. Whataburger time!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6mfnPir6JwOku3_PDG3st3IBWzEsfmpnbto5c1-X3CtXEPhzdb_Na-fsBSawZHwCaNSHauvaONbovQPLkhWOWsHAGrN3FruEmECyfCHnHpQeWSzjZ9Y58IkRogEjE9anenH1NVW53jWg/s1600-h/0058_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6mfnPir6JwOku3_PDG3st3IBWzEsfmpnbto5c1-X3CtXEPhzdb_Na-fsBSawZHwCaNSHauvaONbovQPLkhWOWsHAGrN3FruEmECyfCHnHpQeWSzjZ9Y58IkRogEjE9anenH1NVW53jWg/s400/0058_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097003997092023138" border="0" /></a>What the-? Where's my Fang? Where? What is this?<br />That's nerve, Satan. You're peeking through windows, and call him a creep?<br /><br />... wait, he didn't come anywhere. Satan came to him. Or, maybe the kid is thinking that. Or the Devil is a schizo. Anyway, looks like the kid has a disorder that makes him sweat profusely, frown, and emit light when someone says YAAAAA. Pavlov Kid, I guess.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4MGOJCLgpU9qhLAmrs_iToT1dmzY7Wj6waeyvK_CfhAgTGZ1BZcvbblb2Ouh_GrOHef-qE6RyFIndDfJnX51rBMRw65QQ0nJC7zqzYF5FAs4b7l2LeDJEwo0yY9t6rU_dM9gGzasxLMo/s1600-h/0058_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4MGOJCLgpU9qhLAmrs_iToT1dmzY7Wj6waeyvK_CfhAgTGZ1BZcvbblb2Ouh_GrOHef-qE6RyFIndDfJnX51rBMRw65QQ0nJC7zqzYF5FAs4b7l2LeDJEwo0yY9t6rU_dM9gGzasxLMo/s400/0058_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097004001386990450" border="0" /></a>Git offa mah farm! And downchu be comin' back now! Mayjik scene teleport, actuvate!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje1wLaQIv-SbKoWr76OmAwxOhdt-mY0L-6FqWFkiqt7TqmDm53XDGAEXdg-bK0OxfejgZPn4fOOmTMGx7UijoJVafiyvbRaLKPsoTOIgokTa3XhL0XVup8jy9rM-Of7DRBX8BXtuCl8EQ/s1600-h/0058_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje1wLaQIv-SbKoWr76OmAwxOhdt-mY0L-6FqWFkiqt7TqmDm53XDGAEXdg-bK0OxfejgZPn4fOOmTMGx7UijoJVafiyvbRaLKPsoTOIgokTa3XhL0XVup8jy9rM-Of7DRBX8BXtuCl8EQ/s400/0058_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097004632747183010" border="0" /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Pastor, blah religous fantasy Halloween bull. Is that true?</span></a><br /><br />Nope, Joey. What a stupid question! I'm punishing you for saying stupid things to me with a long-winded, unrelated story.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYF7crn-1emIJWuxy3q5xfOvgbarj63zwQVXc-w-xlPMWZ7dcTsYgL_qgi1wON9oDBkq9y-U9HGwLznVvWEcVEkf7JYzikGskFDcAup90uNRj2us-_RwX4n5wyj_l-z2NSLP_qYTmxhU/s1600-h/0058_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYF7crn-1emIJWuxy3q5xfOvgbarj63zwQVXc-w-xlPMWZ7dcTsYgL_qgi1wON9oDBkq9y-U9HGwLznVvWEcVEkf7JYzikGskFDcAup90uNRj2us-_RwX4n5wyj_l-z2NSLP_qYTmxhU/s400/0058_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097004637042150322" border="0" /></a>So a huge Heaven Mutiny happened. And then for some reason Jesus assigned like a million names to Satan/Lucifer/Beezlebub/Devil/whatever. Hey, Satan? You can come in and listen along, if you'd like. Don't be a stranger, it's cold out!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRe_fZLSX1XEAZ4DsgBR0vDKI52SAwo2VBLUExaaK6IO7nJx0hejUVKBnPUcmJUXB-sHAz7OlnaTN2WT3fp8rdSIu6BnGphcLRnI2LUdcCQIWUQ2FfWBcAmo8B7cfEjDZKv3YPE5Wd4lU/s1600-h/0058_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRe_fZLSX1XEAZ4DsgBR0vDKI52SAwo2VBLUExaaK6IO7nJx0hejUVKBnPUcmJUXB-sHAz7OlnaTN2WT3fp8rdSIu6BnGphcLRnI2LUdcCQIWUQ2FfWBcAmo8B7cfEjDZKv3YPE5Wd4lU/s400/0058_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097004637042150338" border="0" /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">-Yawn- </span>Uh, yeah, so Satan.... uh... destroys stuff... and then.... uh...hey, you know what? Jesus made Hell. But he fitted it with a camera, so you can take these neato silhouettes of yourself next to a literal flaming pile of poop. Whose, I don't know.</span></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVtwelog8mLz8dgBuTX6hH9eeucZaVHYhLnJgNXFHk5FJUrWrByx8LGniHC-rzx2EaZ-VFTyF8JAM3oDCHuk3H2TYk8MsDObUAHt6IKWTA_9hoE2effZS-CWrLUqiX137c7TXyvSj5kdI/s1600-h/0058_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVtwelog8mLz8dgBuTX6hH9eeucZaVHYhLnJgNXFHk5FJUrWrByx8LGniHC-rzx2EaZ-VFTyF8JAM3oDCHuk3H2TYk8MsDObUAHt6IKWTA_9hoE2effZS-CWrLUqiX137c7TXyvSj5kdI/s400/0058_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005105193585634" border="0" /></a>You probably feel bad for driving 24 miles to get here, and having to park on a pond, and you're the only one here. Okay, now close your eyes and open your mouth.<br /><br />The window speaks of Satan.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqLHeNtf-z34Zgu__7eA_WmXWHLxS3hgZktZtYTQwVDPcoxjhTg6LBJ89KewEVdojGly8kcLjY4u5I_d7L4UBZey_ta8G3y1uisMw1ILYAazebFPnYiQAU60q6DY-2nMqbAMXn1FSrAo/s1600-h/0058_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaqLHeNtf-z34Zgu__7eA_WmXWHLxS3hgZktZtYTQwVDPcoxjhTg6LBJ89KewEVdojGly8kcLjY4u5I_d7L4UBZey_ta8G3y1uisMw1ILYAazebFPnYiQAU60q6DY-2nMqbAMXn1FSrAo/s400/0058_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005109488552946" border="0" /></a>Kids love coming in from the empty void into your home, which is decorated with patterns like "Amoeba Party" wallpaper and "Mornin' Brain" door texture. "Aww, what a cute witch! And a scary devil! And some kind of diabolical shovel-handed monster in a dress holding the door open--you must be a princess! Here, have some M&M's."<br /><br />Fun and scary indeed.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjNZ6JfYpuFanZpuftqdRLESdQQeVorRP2qdOlHx-wStb4Trq6SOVdYIH1ZNZ40-H_ruZ_ByvXhIune4wikYEgxWZjFpg41ZO5EkugeFoRTIIseeF3KHsgKvFBFFUHXu-vUAZMNdplsb4/s1600-h/0058_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjNZ6JfYpuFanZpuftqdRLESdQQeVorRP2qdOlHx-wStb4Trq6SOVdYIH1ZNZ40-H_ruZ_ByvXhIune4wikYEgxWZjFpg41ZO5EkugeFoRTIIseeF3KHsgKvFBFFUHXu-vUAZMNdplsb4/s400/0058_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005109488552962" border="0" /></a>"As we get closer to the Second Coming, like we have been for the past 1,990 years, satanism will increase. So will human sacrifice! From 0 to maybe .05, or even .15 of a person a year!"<br /><br />"It started in Jolly Old England, where those wacky Brits all carried Ankhs around and had large noses." I think I've seen this in a Monty Python skit before.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIxG4z9iGvoRGvSojPlXaEV6zLHBqDe_YShx9YlsDncFjlKAbvABBC3aE_YV_MwqvN4oCZIqF4PePN1ru2iYDO0xtJ4LgXT5XOHPlMzFku-o66N92CGuPgHqnaqD5TKNkw4_hBWKJ-d8/s1600-h/0058_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIxG4z9iGvoRGvSojPlXaEV6zLHBqDe_YShx9YlsDncFjlKAbvABBC3aE_YV_MwqvN4oCZIqF4PePN1ru2iYDO0xtJ4LgXT5XOHPlMzFku-o66N92CGuPgHqnaqD5TKNkw4_hBWKJ-d8/s400/0058_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005109488552978" border="0" /></a>That night, druids would walk past a huge crocodile-skin purse, a milk waterfall, and over a piano keyboard into a time portal, where they stole women from the '50s.<br /><br />Hi ho! Hi ho! Gath'ring sacrifices we go!<br /><br />They would leave a smirking pumpkin, which would protect the house from imaginary death fairies that don't exist. Boy, people sure were gullible in 794 BC!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD2ajl9Ebg8dQUzJWxCx5PGMGg_LYUBQJjKt4NJcjwKj9OLCESniljzJEZ8Jnz-Mk8eqZGofCz2sMBVx0_4wV3jl0HdyVXCztqesLJMryEtFPWL9X3QLEldqabgWqkfhrRYTOyHoN8RpE/s1600-h/0058_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD2ajl9Ebg8dQUzJWxCx5PGMGg_LYUBQJjKt4NJcjwKj9OLCESniljzJEZ8Jnz-Mk8eqZGofCz2sMBVx0_4wV3jl0HdyVXCztqesLJMryEtFPWL9X3QLEldqabgWqkfhrRYTOyHoN8RpE/s400/0058_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005496035609634" border="0" /></a>"Witchcraft is exploding among teens today, which is why I've included this graphic of a biker looking around a building where clearly witchcraft exploded some teens."<br /><br />Satanic human sacrifices are a slap in God's face, and they hurt a lot if you're the victim, too!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK-1G5vP7W3eyDIzMZ8_vXyCxFqN04QCyX_HQAHzwCo_3PjYLZ3dZ79He-iZw-p9RzlaG0fksZTkrHRlQ_L0aArFUqthrpYTGtiCSziQhQ6XFmUBFz0RsviusRFB0hwVKdG8rNvVAiChQ/s1600-h/0058_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK-1G5vP7W3eyDIzMZ8_vXyCxFqN04QCyX_HQAHzwCo_3PjYLZ3dZ79He-iZw-p9RzlaG0fksZTkrHRlQ_L0aArFUqthrpYTGtiCSziQhQ6XFmUBFz0RsviusRFB0hwVKdG8rNvVAiChQ/s400/0058_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005496035609650" border="0" /></a>Something that predates Christ is mocking it? I dunno, I'd think it's the other way around.<br /><br />Jesus: Durr, look at me, I'm a Druid, durr. Hey guys, watch this!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYV0VMT3yjt_AUOvDieiQkof3icstovSFj35Zg4lpt4oTR8Cf8YaFy5VktoadX3lDCfcqTnNcWX8uIFCd_G2T8_iNsfr5SxGgxQXAs3OixrXxBKIx41nULHxj-Ogax8Dd7PgeaNyw9qz4/s1600-h/0058_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYV0VMT3yjt_AUOvDieiQkof3icstovSFj35Zg4lpt4oTR8Cf8YaFy5VktoadX3lDCfcqTnNcWX8uIFCd_G2T8_iNsfr5SxGgxQXAs3OixrXxBKIx41nULHxj-Ogax8Dd7PgeaNyw9qz4/s400/0058_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005500330576962" border="0" /></a>Satan's making an offer you can't refuse. That giant band-aid on his shoulder is there for a reason. If you have lived in the United States of America for more than a month, you already know what it says. Cue 3:16.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlIQ_Q8VWswPnYlnaV0kACzhJaS70P0gF-S73G7byoZ9M_QX9ASQ4vC0OaY4w-JkSNYTCUoxhlwRcmUCQMySuEK6QtjS-qJFrH7dRXxJjlPxIrjxTjyslpjIDwoFrlKwhA-n3N0Ds3JyM/s1600-h/0058_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlIQ_Q8VWswPnYlnaV0kACzhJaS70P0gF-S73G7byoZ9M_QX9ASQ4vC0OaY4w-JkSNYTCUoxhlwRcmUCQMySuEK6QtjS-qJFrH7dRXxJjlPxIrjxTjyslpjIDwoFrlKwhA-n3N0Ds3JyM/s400/0058_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005500330576978" border="0" /></a>If you are extremely gullible, but loyal, you will reign with Jesus forever in his Moon Castle!<br />But if you're a <span style="font-style: italic;">dummy</span>, well, we don't want you! Go think for yourself! Humph!<br /><br />"Laughing place"? Um, okay. Jack, stop watching Ghostbusters, get your stuff together, figure out a consistent way to draw Satan, <span style="font-style: italic;">then draw the tract.</span><br /><br />"You violently disemboweled me at a class Halloween party with a chain saw to make me burn in fire forever! I.... I can't even find a phrase intense enough to express my anger! How about... <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">You rat!</span></span>"<br /><br />"Got the picture" looks like a pun you haven't seen the other end of. A reference to his comics, maybe.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXJkHFawkVvQUVIhlIIhxTMhVauqGGnHkBkxlGRrOZvuEYO0q37wQz2z66Z80BAphOfeNzjeVipbKwTUp1lYtf0X3tiOVMU_Pf-ld9j84Uaq6A-k97lyNnkpDEsm4VK_ZbOBqa4BHsPQk/s1600-h/enGeneral.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXJkHFawkVvQUVIhlIIhxTMhVauqGGnHkBkxlGRrOZvuEYO0q37wQz2z66Z80BAphOfeNzjeVipbKwTUp1lYtf0X3tiOVMU_Pf-ld9j84Uaq6A-k97lyNnkpDEsm4VK_ZbOBqa4BHsPQk/s400/enGeneral.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5097005500330576994" border="0" /></a>What? All that murderer buildup, and we don't even get a resolution? Cheap!<br />So, did the Chick County Apathy Department do anything about those yearly massacres? Did they enjoy their Whatachicken sandwiches? Will Bert get a refund on the campsite, and will he graduate fourth grade?<br /><br />Who knows. If these little subplot tangents can't resolve themselves in a single comic, there's no way they'll be resolved elsewhere.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-20994321975268256922007-07-22T02:40:00.000-05:002007-07-25T18:15:18.230-05:00Visual Parody: Back From the Dead?I thought I'd try something different. This time, there are no captions; just a photoshopped tract. Legal things: the images are (C) Jack Chick.<br /><br />The original tract is <a href="http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0096/0096_01.asp">here</a>. Now onward, to mail! 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display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTUE-Fa_ryR-bgAlEvqQn66i5w8WTK24X3BvzsdzNk8S8ooQqgdphbOTeEgLThQVlGuP1fjQuzlJM6T_cYkpHOyhRvS1FYJuOh1hyphenhyphengqQP5lCHAO-PAJ95YatVTRuhpsFY7UoEoFmeqosw/s400/0096_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091276962736697570" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9nUFKz4cJj8j_opeE93f4Yp0s-zTzdO-td86jZoi7mDJYcAuZpRAtEBwFwNf3odGossmzgYBYD4-S8qvvQ93IZdNcN3jhzIzV_-EwHksTXROL3L_JsucM0sbOWtebJ3zpFSFFYv9vGZI/s1600-h/0096_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9nUFKz4cJj8j_opeE93f4Yp0s-zTzdO-td86jZoi7mDJYcAuZpRAtEBwFwNf3odGossmzgYBYD4-S8qvvQ93IZdNcN3jhzIzV_-EwHksTXROL3L_JsucM0sbOWtebJ3zpFSFFYv9vGZI/s400/0096_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091273436568547458" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvEe1raB8LTVv7uchCyHLyXoRxydUeBUpI-NGSNeavixANNEizSsBJVlObJigfa-WfC0-We3hZ76XbnHq3lCKLuSLjxJdXjdiTDhQbcYWtX94NIl0hBQE7xtNpOjdaz8BPye89hJiyOrE/s1600-h/dd6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvEe1raB8LTVv7uchCyHLyXoRxydUeBUpI-NGSNeavixANNEizSsBJVlObJigfa-WfC0-We3hZ76XbnHq3lCKLuSLjxJdXjdiTDhQbcYWtX94NIl0hBQE7xtNpOjdaz8BPye89hJiyOrE/s400/dd6.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091273440863514786" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4t4cLmQJIFD4XlkYxbhnh6I7MrPurgWBwccfX4SxyFspItEHPbLMGCIRJ996Mg-rSkx01nMpzK9JpWbEjIzaYdg_mRnCLm4t7tTPhz5dNaLyw5Ml_AHEXnTwaaH8VAvq1CuBEXlr2MtY/s1600-h/fin.GIF"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4t4cLmQJIFD4XlkYxbhnh6I7MrPurgWBwccfX4SxyFspItEHPbLMGCIRJ996Mg-rSkx01nMpzK9JpWbEjIzaYdg_mRnCLm4t7tTPhz5dNaLyw5Ml_AHEXnTwaaH8VAvq1CuBEXlr2MtY/s400/fin.GIF" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091274085108609202" border="0" /></a>Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-46428023289561544352007-07-21T20:03:00.001-05:002007-07-21T20:04:54.445-05:00Surprise!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggZrQWTe-2CaTS4ToO5SiHWW8CQAJIdjBJ1Q34jR5cN3QaHgTNUIYd3Yy1fS9g1VYUYHPp74F7VsEzNvhSy9KgrefjUO3mrZk5dCkdbkEhpDBFd3F8Xig661q04ryUHX65D3khdaA8Gk0/s1600-h/dumbledore.BMP"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggZrQWTe-2CaTS4ToO5SiHWW8CQAJIdjBJ1Q34jR5cN3QaHgTNUIYd3Yy1fS9g1VYUYHPp74F7VsEzNvhSy9KgrefjUO3mrZk5dCkdbkEhpDBFd3F8Xig661q04ryUHX65D3khdaA8Gk0/s400/dumbledore.BMP" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089820822794465010" border="0" /></a>Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-30919561928956358372007-07-19T18:30:00.000-05:002007-09-15T19:49:17.643-05:00Caught<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSMKC2fL74Gxcj6jAba2vZwpuocCIZvrSTNJPjabjikvO2xQr9Rt9RaiI4afZeeUb1-Yfzmild3y4mQRBmR0XtZmoZhonng16FoDzTk25qcFql6TTdNpkJZm_f2VofRBhtCYR4sMQhTl8/s1600-h/5013_01.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSMKC2fL74Gxcj6jAba2vZwpuocCIZvrSTNJPjabjikvO2xQr9Rt9RaiI4afZeeUb1-Yfzmild3y4mQRBmR0XtZmoZhonng16FoDzTk25qcFql6TTdNpkJZm_f2VofRBhtCYR4sMQhTl8/s320/5013_01.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089054826227034258" border="0" /></a>Oh shi---<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br />Anyway, this tract is all about how Spiderman.. er, Jesus relates to your extramarital affairs, told in panoramic 22-panel innuendo. Just see, this will have nothing to do with adultery within 15 panels. (By the way, that web thing never happens, and doesn't make any sense in context)<br />---<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmuAetw7yXACLeRpVtqnU3TCSxfjGDWAHRbUq5kJe4ocfeFoRBYa8DzM3pjIizw4XPv9Jj4u5Be13W_0P6krjbCUhyphenhypheniCYL6yOvr37OMIHz4bAjnUxlCbp8PF5kTitdfK0bsmX7cGbdpvI/s1600-h/5013_02.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmuAetw7yXACLeRpVtqnU3TCSxfjGDWAHRbUq5kJe4ocfeFoRBYa8DzM3pjIizw4XPv9Jj4u5Be13W_0P6krjbCUhyphenhypheniCYL6yOvr37OMIHz4bAjnUxlCbp8PF5kTitdfK0bsmX7cGbdpvI/s400/5013_02.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089067681064151362" border="0" /></a><br />MOTEL DELIGHT, huh? Most sleazy motels try not to sound like sleazy motels. "<span style="font-weight: bold;">No one</span> will see us here! Not even those three demons, or that angel, or even Fang! <span style="font-weight: bold;">No one!</span>"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzxqsHfHeOLGDcNZryboVjn40u4JiF6G6-jMvI6hOY4zUtdekOM9eBcpz2YgLCkmnlDgHUSq7enFnbTAsLqkmZluN-7jT4QrXf4Eo0EgElSGzQiK0QiG7me1gPVs7tbShn0OfbXWLeRH0/s1600-h/5013_03.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzxqsHfHeOLGDcNZryboVjn40u4JiF6G6-jMvI6hOY4zUtdekOM9eBcpz2YgLCkmnlDgHUSq7enFnbTAsLqkmZluN-7jT4QrXf4Eo0EgElSGzQiK0QiG7me1gPVs7tbShn0OfbXWLeRH0/s400/5013_03.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089068205050161506" border="0" /></a>"<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Terrible!</span> These angles are just awful! Roger, take your pants off. And you, Leper Demon! You aren't in this scene! God, am I the only one who knows how to make these videos here? Okay, Chick Tract Boogaloo IV, Take two!"<br />Seriously, doesn't this guy just look like a mortician or something? They both look embalmed. And <a href="http://www.enterthejabberwock.com/?p=490#more-490">Uncle Mortimer </a>is back! <span style="font-style: italic;">SHUT </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">UP</span>, <span style="font-weight: bold;">HE'S</span> <span>LOADED</span><span style="font-style: italic;">!!!</span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2UMCv8Yx0bkK-nsEtxW8oFcaQpEOX5JzN9G8lHCxE75x3A2O3-csHU1Hz16wvU6jeZqj9PI281vLihFrF8ZrJWS0YK4C88wvE_EUlfVucbVyFHjN4Bp8xAQiFWI55wLQ8aZebZmhuc2Q/s1600-h/5013_04.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2UMCv8Yx0bkK-nsEtxW8oFcaQpEOX5JzN9G8lHCxE75x3A2O3-csHU1Hz16wvU6jeZqj9PI281vLihFrF8ZrJWS0YK4C88wvE_EUlfVucbVyFHjN4Bp8xAQiFWI55wLQ8aZebZmhuc2Q/s400/5013_04.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089068647431793010" border="0" /></a>I like how not only did the guy just start rattling off something about their kids to a strange woman, he doesn't even flinch when he sees what that demon is doing to her. She does though. Little vibrating earthquakes of terror. "You're married?! Oh god, there's pudding in my pants!"<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Linda was still crying before the phone rang. The phone rang, once, twice, a third time; and sobbing, Linda forced herself to pick up the receiver. It was her eyeball. It was the last thing Linda wanted to hear: "This is so hard.... I did a.... love to.... tell me... I'm ashamed." Of course she would forgive her eyeball, especially since it hadn't ever spoken to her before. It was such a relief to finally have an honest talk with her eyeball. "Of course I forgive you, </span><span style="font-style: italic;">hicsob</span><span style="font-style: italic;">", placing gentle emphasis on the 'sob'.<br /><br /></span><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIstdUWrTmus5fIUy_xP8cd1qFy8QTSYfITkrWru4xXwejIXg1xDytIWoFWf4yxYzFb4o_2hH3vLWnA6LFSXShdQDjcRbJxZrrIUybMrumbpmr4zv0UaDHrB_fKGGw5yFWaAfzwzduA7s/s1600-h/5013_05.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIstdUWrTmus5fIUy_xP8cd1qFy8QTSYfITkrWru4xXwejIXg1xDytIWoFWf4yxYzFb4o_2hH3vLWnA6LFSXShdQDjcRbJxZrrIUybMrumbpmr4zv0UaDHrB_fKGGw5yFWaAfzwzduA7s/s400/5013_05.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089068651726760322" border="0" /></a>Aw, Linda, don't be so paranoid. Only fags get AIDS.<br /><br />Why the evil John Travolta face all of a sudden? Oooh-he's the villain. "I hope little Jessica didn't get herself pregnant! She's kind of in her mid-30s though! Oh, god, why me?"<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9DlMeYRwzVrzMaJ44pf-HbhkKQNUX3Xe70CwulDppjx7cX-v8weyEPrEgX4_Qs_KddRKpjbthD8LsKtwoKT_qDjNpGZ6QmyDSspPSfW4hdyZjYcXZAR98KVUGmNELjWH7Y13d-C7QMTU/s1600-h/5013_06.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9DlMeYRwzVrzMaJ44pf-HbhkKQNUX3Xe70CwulDppjx7cX-v8weyEPrEgX4_Qs_KddRKpjbthD8LsKtwoKT_qDjNpGZ6QmyDSspPSfW4hdyZjYcXZAR98KVUGmNELjWH7Y13d-C7QMTU/s400/5013_06.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089068656021727634" border="0" /></a><a href="http://www.enterthejabberwock.com/?p=482">Uncle Mike? <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Is that you? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Hopefully in this tract he'll dehitlerify, or not talk Roger out of an abortion. Gorgeous lashes, Mike.</span></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDm3OUVQU5iaN9HMI-yOHWTTNla2mTT4TH5bjJyY1VJlaHbMhNFzBnd8spdQnhn2sinOoNbhlb7YyLHSNeSVIJuh8u3qgc8ljWwPjh8_6pBoxvhY3mg1wP7BXUobmUyp0Ld_Ar-Mr5z20/s1600-h/5013_07.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDm3OUVQU5iaN9HMI-yOHWTTNla2mTT4TH5bjJyY1VJlaHbMhNFzBnd8spdQnhn2sinOoNbhlb7YyLHSNeSVIJuh8u3qgc8ljWwPjh8_6pBoxvhY3mg1wP7BXUobmUyp0Ld_Ar-Mr5z20/s400/5013_07.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089068660316694946" border="0" /></a>I was trying to <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">comfort</span> a lady in our church, but then we got too loud and the entire service stopped. We're not welcome at church anymore because I can't keep it in my pants. HIY-OH!<br /><br />I can never keep track of what the "unthinkable" is. It's either murder, suicide, genocide, or..... the <span style="font-style: italic;">unthinkable</span>. Gasp.<br /><br />It was just a harmless fling, you know, the kind that turns you into the Peking Man with scoliosis. "Me.... <span style="font-style: italic;">Roger</span>. You... <span style="font-style: italic;">bob</span>." What a turd.<br />And then they have a Speak-for-God-a-thon.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIngdgMbsSWEQdhyphenhyphenLK9X90G4nMvf8rnMHR8PI3g9mdYgbpWfTK5vccTkXmAltX9TaUfwH3eSDMqwNzpRUcFSYrq5VppwQN8erwshnzZxbIX5e2vVPQwy42JBcP8voT-0PP6B0Tna5-9E/s1600-h/5013_08.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiIngdgMbsSWEQdhyphenhyphenLK9X90G4nMvf8rnMHR8PI3g9mdYgbpWfTK5vccTkXmAltX9TaUfwH3eSDMqwNzpRUcFSYrq5VppwQN8erwshnzZxbIX5e2vVPQwy42JBcP8voT-0PP6B0Tna5-9E/s400/5013_08.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089068668906629554" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Everybody's</span> doing it. C'mon, mom, let me have an iPod! All the other cool kids have them!<br /><br />Silly Roger, Fundie love and comfort <span style="font-style: italic;">is</span> being preached at.<br />"Let's take a <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">hard</span></span> look at King David. After we finish this sausage pizza." All this innuendo is kind of creepy.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibgAIiwOmPiLAxfrZmLHXiZKe_ZRF1kefdrXngprzG80hehy7zCUGEz5Kqs5BZ-f8qZqkaxD5IzcbcI03ffUa7Z5LAMDZYJ430_6DYSBavjOzz_GEqZRQVFHrkkr0Yt0CzIdcUKMaz3jw/s1600-h/5013_09.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibgAIiwOmPiLAxfrZmLHXiZKe_ZRF1kefdrXngprzG80hehy7zCUGEz5Kqs5BZ-f8qZqkaxD5IzcbcI03ffUa7Z5LAMDZYJ430_6DYSBavjOzz_GEqZRQVFHrkkr0Yt0CzIdcUKMaz3jw/s400/5013_09.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089071460635371970" border="0" /></a>Look at David, fierce warrioring all over those sheep. With his badass harp and hardcore death metal song. He looks like he's crying. Sheesh, all that fighting for eight loud, deformed sheep? What does this have to do with adultery?<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8S7TLoEEVECpVB2GAv2A7UjFZoB3jjYM6upbI_ehJeCYn3n2lJyyFoUGFVB-Xl1i1K85p-AyUS7XTX5iybA6gkXoi55Hq7ulkNpb2wpmsNhtqkNEOtugztMpN8ibXIOSq7qG0XDy6xT8/s1600-h/5013_10.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8S7TLoEEVECpVB2GAv2A7UjFZoB3jjYM6upbI_ehJeCYn3n2lJyyFoUGFVB-Xl1i1K85p-AyUS7XTX5iybA6gkXoi55Hq7ulkNpb2wpmsNhtqkNEOtugztMpN8ibXIOSq7qG0XDy6xT8/s400/5013_10.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089071469225306578" border="0" /></a>THIS... <span style="font-size:130%;">IS...</span>.<span style="font-size:180%;">ISRAEL!!! <span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br /></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4hzGYuu-0PfbJatqAW8c5F37OtFXN-enNwN71TT6F93x8n3jAFC1wu9mLj9scwIn1SeLSE9LwyOHVMdDdNYlcuqAuQRCmLcgaf6BdoG6R8802lCexSgGzUF6O0TL_aE28B7C4q9OrVik/s1600-h/5013_11.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4hzGYuu-0PfbJatqAW8c5F37OtFXN-enNwN71TT6F93x8n3jAFC1wu9mLj9scwIn1SeLSE9LwyOHVMdDdNYlcuqAuQRCmLcgaf6BdoG6R8802lCexSgGzUF6O0TL_aE28B7C4q9OrVik/s400/5013_11.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089071473520273890" border="0" /></a>Giant says: "Hey, uh, guys.... not cool. Don't just go leave Metroids on my head. They're slimy. Just... next time, don't leave your Metroids on my head."<br /><br />Loved, feared and respected, and no, not among them, not a one kept his Metroids from the head of Goliath. -Lev. 23:1-2<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGfrEWtBTv6YZV_AOepcq9wpzejZmu5NACv8LUJd2-5czaWCMkAPQZIuICyBeXrsys_u926CK0cNdvEd6hk-eB3M9V0w34pXtPMcfdbshRUU7PxfDo80i0Wx7i8PY8l_Dj5yE1Y9L03aM/s1600-h/5013_12.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGfrEWtBTv6YZV_AOepcq9wpzejZmu5NACv8LUJd2-5czaWCMkAPQZIuICyBeXrsys_u926CK0cNdvEd6hk-eB3M9V0w34pXtPMcfdbshRUU7PxfDo80i0Wx7i8PY8l_Dj5yE1Y9L03aM/s400/5013_12.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089071482110208498" border="0" /></a>He has the same expression David had in "Wounded Children".<br />Oh, no! David is turning into Satan! Just look at those eyebrows! That beard! Those ears! And he's forgetting God, to boot.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc3w-O7ni7hPF7OGiZDiYlI0vOLAf1NK-B0TImlGKXYPZ0MVkYxFXHZEaf7tRX-rOE5luL6q-oXnwAMgVL4R6a6pLE1xIfeVITmXioFUMxTE30AUxVZ5TgMFrtJtu0m0RF9ruYs_aCBoQ/s1600-h/5013_13.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc3w-O7ni7hPF7OGiZDiYlI0vOLAf1NK-B0TImlGKXYPZ0MVkYxFXHZEaf7tRX-rOE5luL6q-oXnwAMgVL4R6a6pLE1xIfeVITmXioFUMxTE30AUxVZ5TgMFrtJtu0m0RF9ruYs_aCBoQ/s400/5013_13.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089071486405175810" border="0" /></a>And when the <span style="font-weight: bold;">messengers</span> came <span style="font-style: italic;">back,</span> he promptly <span style="font-weight: bold;">disloc</span>ated her <span style="font-style: italic;">legs</span> and r<span style="font-style: italic;">emov</span>ed her <span style="font-weight: bold;">pelvis.</span> Angles, Jack.<br />Yeah, because women weren't property back then, this mattered.<br />The devil also, <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">really </span></span>enjoyed it, like, enough to send up 5 demons with cameras to point and laugh... all the while the angels looked upon it and frowned, the <span style="font-style: italic;">whole time,</span> their gaze unwavering, staring intently.<br />Oh, Jack, naughty. Next thing you know...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNdZ22a4QS_Gj4MatbCJmQISFyPF1JrqW2MTJYkdpXnn-1wH-BAfyZLIACRQ5j52VGmol_AqacL21gVgaDfspNq5ZZnXMzS5t-jWNUE17h6ypL_9okGxZJp_mBvDrwKRTOA33ZefJfbY8/s1600-h/5013_14.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNdZ22a4QS_Gj4MatbCJmQISFyPF1JrqW2MTJYkdpXnn-1wH-BAfyZLIACRQ5j52VGmol_AqacL21gVgaDfspNq5ZZnXMzS5t-jWNUE17h6ypL_9okGxZJp_mBvDrwKRTOA33ZefJfbY8/s400/5013_14.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089077619618474514" border="0" /></a>DAVID WAS CAUGHT! ON TAPE! BY SATAN! HEY GUYS! THE PATERNITY TESTING WAS PRETTY SPOTTY BACK THEN! SHE COULD'VE PULLED A VIRGIN MARY!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMcyPWItFc7eXyn8OonwXJo_qhxi1VTSNfknSCLiYLS8GA6yx398xTDd6UekE033v0ImbnQlvdqDbCfUoHJczyPshEs0hI2NjeBJDfvv6b2FjGOyujvxvwD3Z7fdpdCfjvvD_iVVxWtws/s1600-h/5013_15.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMcyPWItFc7eXyn8OonwXJo_qhxi1VTSNfknSCLiYLS8GA6yx398xTDd6UekE033v0ImbnQlvdqDbCfUoHJczyPshEs0hI2NjeBJDfvv6b2FjGOyujvxvwD3Z7fdpdCfjvvD_iVVxWtws/s400/5013_15.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089077623913441826" border="0" /></a>God called him one of David's mighty men, "Rexter". Rexter had a machine gun for an arm.<br />"Look, buddy, that Mongolian-style hat gives you terrible hat hair. There's some slime coming out of a crack in the ceiling here you might want to slick your hair down with."<br />King David looks kind of pregnant too.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfw72NPuk64DLaoKelZSTwTMA3tXv_q_5EISYr7VHD-uA6oJnhII43I3xGz8SXcgWk-arBSIVZ5jClIy2ZYD1eaUERW4iipBNX4K06vx14AKdRJSyb3Z994WvkjtrDziIAkeTNmOujAVA/s1600-h/5013_16.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfw72NPuk64DLaoKelZSTwTMA3tXv_q_5EISYr7VHD-uA6oJnhII43I3xGz8SXcgWk-arBSIVZ5jClIy2ZYD1eaUERW4iipBNX4K06vx14AKdRJSyb3Z994WvkjtrDziIAkeTNmOujAVA/s400/5013_16.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089077628208409138" border="0" /></a>David thought his problems were <span style="font-style: italic;">over.</span> Then the doorbell rang. "Who ordered this pizza? It's sausage." -bow chicka whawaaaaawaow-<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKoZkMHYf2kwYjszn_vA1ElPfhyphenhyphenqwA6bPR6JaFFHZDWJMYCy-6xcbJkxQlY8CShIaZ6vbGGe4CyQpgdFg1YrAWk0eL-bGYMDkxUjV1sDcE4UEdXkeNjdcc5Fed6rDJR5FdIEm396G1D_4/s1600-h/5013_17.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKoZkMHYf2kwYjszn_vA1ElPfhyphenhyphenqwA6bPR6JaFFHZDWJMYCy-6xcbJkxQlY8CShIaZ6vbGGe4CyQpgdFg1YrAWk0eL-bGYMDkxUjV1sDcE4UEdXkeNjdcc5Fed6rDJR5FdIEm396G1D_4/s400/5013_17.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089077632503376450" border="0" /></a>Why? Why was David outraged? This doesn't make any sense. It's one of those "if a hizzu is a phamgla but not all stroms are gshasrs, is a trarm a fka?" statements.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_R6pw6BNp-x8t26t-I1M9So2I_vJE9tSAjxaaJlGh49uBGBA7wm-4a99ky4hXTwfQoZiMDk6HGXLVinrZJ8JZi_ZhJnOFMuDU-cURAnDyywDdFwfpKPYnuE3lGKomB9S10sGKyvp5TM/s1600-h/5013_18.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu_R6pw6BNp-x8t26t-I1M9So2I_vJE9tSAjxaaJlGh49uBGBA7wm-4a99ky4hXTwfQoZiMDk6HGXLVinrZJ8JZi_ZhJnOFMuDU-cURAnDyywDdFwfpKPYnuE3lGKomB9S10sGKyvp5TM/s400/5013_18.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089077636798343762" border="0" /></a>And then holy shit, snakes came out of his eyes! And bombs too! And rabies!<br />I like these panel summaries. Keeps me nice and informed when the ugly fundamentalist pictures talk over my head. <span style="font-weight: bold;">DAVID WAS OUTRAGED. DAVID WAS CAUGHT, BUT HE REPENTED! DAVID GOT GUM ALL OVER HIS SHOE! DAVID LIKES THE PUPPY.</span><br /><br />EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Every act of adultery. No exceptions. NO EXCEPTIONS.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDJ-q0ShliaeCXYuW_BH6nL559R7y7IRMvKEwPLLCACg0EkXg5bg1SlttpNYSAfS8litr1-Dc13zYxiGLBKfnpnaTMfyiwP2BpSzcLSCYJkqUN2fd2swIcDSYd5E6bcfE1ddCeoIT6BfE/s1600-h/5013_19.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDJ-q0ShliaeCXYuW_BH6nL559R7y7IRMvKEwPLLCACg0EkXg5bg1SlttpNYSAfS8litr1-Dc13zYxiGLBKfnpnaTMfyiwP2BpSzcLSCYJkqUN2fd2swIcDSYd5E6bcfE1ddCeoIT6BfE/s400/5013_19.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089084152263731810" border="0" /></a>You seem to know the story about David's sin, but do you <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">really</span></span> understand the basic literature of the religion you're part of? As I understand it? Do you understand, Dav-er-Roger?<br /><br />Do you believe this, Roger? Are you sure? If so, I've got a bridge to sell you. HAW HAW HAW<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhpQCNbbhk5zMbHgTXMeeDAzCh_Q9e8sXpcFGYda83sRfNi-vwGI7xMssIu6n9WgRwC0u8bulrtjemXOPJu7BkYglKqcp7LRVm6ijqIGIyuh3ZK-uG6lxJY0xzeLvxqGU_L7XIAs4klLg/s1600-h/5013_20.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhpQCNbbhk5zMbHgTXMeeDAzCh_Q9e8sXpcFGYda83sRfNi-vwGI7xMssIu6n9WgRwC0u8bulrtjemXOPJu7BkYglKqcp7LRVm6ijqIGIyuh3ZK-uG6lxJY0xzeLvxqGU_L7XIAs4klLg/s400/5013_20.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089084160853666418" border="0" /></a><br />That thing behind him has lust in its eyes. "I'm OK, I just like to lash out in random, unprovoked fits of anger!"<br />"I know you are, but what am I?", said Bob with a smirk. Ah! A clever arguing tactic indeed, expertly deployed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Eat me</span>, Bob! <span style="font-weight: bold;">Fuck</span> you! <span style="font-weight: bold;">Burn in Hell</span>! AAGHGaAGAAHAFAAA!!!1 -bum chicka waaaahh buh-wahwahwaaaah.. Ooooh, yeah...-<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtK3arEC_dWI7uAz1_O1JBXlj6ef-_Tb4QM5xxdUTQVQv7D-RRKIwBcUE7D4Hxmp74fuICZH_RVTtRWmzwzvWQ8ic8-V063bHRyElrR2qXMVvSWcAhAY0Dcc6A7kJ6ZtoEah8jjZglyoU/s1600-h/5013_21.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtK3arEC_dWI7uAz1_O1JBXlj6ef-_Tb4QM5xxdUTQVQv7D-RRKIwBcUE7D4Hxmp74fuICZH_RVTtRWmzwzvWQ8ic8-V063bHRyElrR2qXMVvSWcAhAY0Dcc6A7kJ6ZtoEah8jjZglyoU/s400/5013_21.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089084165148633730" border="0" /></a><br />He also changes faces, like that guy from that Twilight Zone episode, as he dies.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">How did Roger make out?</span> We'll show you for $3.99 a minute. Have your credit card ready.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifo9kdkisVEG8fJbXK9UmDWN1twPF3HgOf51fLSaKerXcjV2bQl84WBv1pSrD0ii91W5qFdJuWQkEezeLi3yGhwnFRdezJu-xPqY0mfudiGG72gKKw8m4Hx1okedDeQF0jMjvMbbc8FmM/s1600-h/5013_22.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifo9kdkisVEG8fJbXK9UmDWN1twPF3HgOf51fLSaKerXcjV2bQl84WBv1pSrD0ii91W5qFdJuWQkEezeLi3yGhwnFRdezJu-xPqY0mfudiGG72gKKw8m4Hx1okedDeQF0jMjvMbbc8FmM/s400/5013_22.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089084169443601042" border="0" /></a>Faceless God said to Roger (who mysteriously isn't nude for his judgement):<br />"Blah blah, filler panel, book of life, blah".<br /><br />"You see, kids, tonight we saw something magical. The lesson learned here is... if you ish will on people, it will come back to you instead. I hope you all win Ferarris and the lottery, along with lots of whores and consumer electronics. Good night."<br /><br />I don't get this bizarre, occasional fourth-wall breakage that Chick tends to do when he can't end a tract well. He did this for "A Demon's Worst Nightmare", and he did it here too.<br /><br />I love cheesy codas. They go well with burritos and Coke Zero.<br /><br />Oh yeah! And this.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNsCsgdSt9y0JAYzHWXqfT4UBmyQL6qrSwCqnWx7AwRqesQrVKJCTxDNZfOkk-V5sJnKy6HMkPAl3JwsANaPSlYGJ1xURbnMdve6THcvblaNld_YNFSRxGMTq5TdlzYLctPLU6P_xbCdw/s1600-h/enKJVLOTW.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNsCsgdSt9y0JAYzHWXqfT4UBmyQL6qrSwCqnWx7AwRqesQrVKJCTxDNZfOkk-V5sJnKy6HMkPAl3JwsANaPSlYGJ1xURbnMdve6THcvblaNld_YNFSRxGMTq5TdlzYLctPLU6P_xbCdw/s400/enKJVLOTW.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5089084173738568354" border="0" /></a><br /></div>Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-439398234055102828.post-12685827370769115672007-07-19T18:19:00.000-05:002007-07-19T18:28:36.330-05:00Welcome!<span style="font-style: italic;">A Primer on This Site:</span><br /><br />Here I pick apart those little religious comics you find at bus stops and in bathrooms, Jack Chick tracts (online index <a href="http://www.chick.com/catalog/tractlist.asp">here</a>). I got this idea from <a href="http://enterthejabberwock.com/?cat=12">Enter the Jabberwock's site</a>, and from a few of my friends who love his dissections. I've read all of them and found them all hilarious, but what bothered me is that if you google "chick tract parody", you don't really get many sites. I love what Jabberwock does, so I wanted to kind of perpetuate the fundiebusting. Of course, all the comics are copyright whenever by Jack Chick.<br /><br />So without further ado, enjoy.Jr.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03190892884594211736noreply@blogger.com0